Marriage over don't know where to start

scottishfreebiehunter

Rikki wrote: »

:think: You don't think he's looking for another women to use him too?

Oh well who knows lol,but will not be me lol,it has amused me no end today whatever lol,or maybe he feels sorry for me:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Kizzy hope it is going okay for youxxxxxxxx

SuziQ

I think the sooner Kizzy gets back to see a solicitor the better. There seems to be something about the sum of £20,000 as that's what my first ex said to me originally and several friends ex's too. Whatever agreement they make has to be made legal as I know from my experience that the men blow hot and cold and once the moose starts calling the shots she may not want him paying the mortgage. There are also a lot of legal issues re house ownership/mortgage etc. He could also re-route his salary at any time into a new account leaving nothing for her to live on-this is why I rang up the benefits people as soon as I had finally made my mind up,got my ex to issue me with a letter stating I no longer had a job with his company (I hadn't been paid for 14 months anyway as it was going under) it only took just over 3 weeks for all of the benfits to be sorted,then counsil tax benefit took longer but they waived monthly payments whilst asessing. Kizzy make sure in the first instance you have registered 1 adult only in the house to get the discount whilst they assess you-normally they wait for you to produce the letter stating you have been awarded income support,at that point you automatically get all your ct paid.
Don't forget any money he gives you after you are awarded IS etc must be declared,if he is paying the mortgage that's ok whilst he is lsted on it.

It will be tight-thankfully you have worked hard and got rid of all your debt (I have loads so have a huge chunk of my benefit paying off debts,which just doesn't compute!)as you have been able to budget and have no debt I am sure you will manage just fine.

I was told by my solicitor the first time round that you have various options. However he does have a right to his share of the home equity despite his appalling behaviour,and it's a matter of working out what you want to do.Initially my first ex asked me to agree to an order whereby I could stay in the house until the youngest left school and then would have to sell and give him half the equity-despite me paying the mortgage for 15 years running up to that piont!This was classed as a 'clean break' where he would pay nothing towards the children-I turned this one down! Luckily we had several endowments doing reasonably well. The claculations the solicitors came up with on the equity already in the house was he should get £45,000. (based on him getting 45% and me 55% as pwc.)
We were unable to increase the mortgage this much,so swapped to a repayment and offered him the endowments worth £38,000 which he took (on the understanding I would do all the leg work re selling them/cashing them in-he was never one for dealing with paperwork lol!) He took that but turned the tables on me by never paying a penny again-ie he went self employed,CSA couldn't force him to pay. In the court papers it stated he was to pay maintenance but it wasn't worth the paper it was written on-he regulalrly goes abroad and moves constantly-after all these years I have given up to be honest. He has told our odest today,that he has saved £1,000 for her to help in her first year at Uni,and that he will also put some money in her account every week. I am unbelievably pleased about this as he had said it to her before and I thought he would let her down. That takes the pressure of me a little bit for the first year at least!

gerturdeanna

With regards to what I'm doing to do; I don't know, they are on their way back from the weekend away now and will be here within maybe half an hour.
Confromt him I suppose, but yes he probably will lie, as he has in the past.
I've told told from a girl who the [EMAIL="sl@g"]sl@g[/EMAIL] told to ther face so, can't really get anymore reliable. Aparrently he has said that he loves her and if he wasn't with me, he'd be with her. So as far as I'm concernded now he can be. I want him out of the house tonight!!
She has said that she loves him also, but she's still going to be getting married so she's meant to be dumping ex-OH next week!! Don't think he knows that yet!! I am so annoyed at myself for believing his lies!! I can't believe I have been so blind to it all, activley makig him go on work nights out etc so he can make friends - this wasn't the kind of making friends I was thinking off!!

scottishfreebiehunter

Try not argue to much in front of kids as I did in front of my ds and he got very upsetxxxxx

I know it is going to be very very hard for you,but second hand information is not always correct.
Ask him and if he admits it then toss him out but remember keep youre head held highx

gerturdeanna

I aksed him, he said only since July when he told me e didn't love me anymore. I slapped him twice and have sent a text to the [EMAIL="sl@gs"]sl@gs[/EMAIL] OH -wish I hadn't done now but never mind. He said he won't move out and I can't make him.

annamc75

Does it really matter when he started backing out of your relationship? Really? In the big picture?

Dont torture yourself over the past - move forward.

You were doing so well - dont let the past knock you off course.

Anna x

gerturdeanna

Making another appointment to see the solicitor and the STI clinic tomorrow. I hate whats he's done, he is a to$$er!!

Rikki

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Making another appointment to see the solicitor and the STI clinic tomorrow. I hate whats he's done, he is a to$$er!!

He is being so unfair. Talk to the solicitor and see what they advise.
He can't see this other women and keep coming back to the house with you. Then if that relationship ends stay with you until the next women comes along.

I hope you can get matters resolved tomorrow and feel better after speaking to the solicitor.

Keeping_Motivated

Gert how is he being with you?

Does he want to be with this other woman? If so why won't he move out?

KM x

scottishfreebiehunter

This is thing he cannot have his cake and eat it so to speakxxxx
Coming home to you after being with her,did her partner get back to you?