Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi friends have just left, feeling a bit on a downer now as they can't believe it, but didn't have too much positive to say!
Friend said, he never thought for a minute ex was unhappy, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors I suppose.;
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, sounded a bit upset, I expect it's been a long day for him today as he hasn't had work, more time to think about things.
He's coming around tomorrow after work & Thursday in the morning, so I can go to CAB. Then Saturday night he'll probably be staying ( on the sofa ) because we are leaving early Sunday am to go to Alton Towers.
I'm regretting booking this now, don't know why.............

gerturdeanna

You'll have a fun time with the kids Kizzy!! Enjoy it and try your best to be nice byt not overly nice to him.
SFH - If you are really feeing down, give the Samaritans a call, please - I've been emailing them and they have helped.

gerturdeanna

I'm off to bed - 2 hours sleep is not good!!
See you all tomorrow!!

Rikki

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Hi friends have just left, feeling a bit on a downer now as they can't believe it, but didn't have too much positive to say!
Friend said, he never thought for a minute ex was unhappy, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors I suppose.;
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, sounded a bit upset, I expect it's been a long day for him today as he hasn't had work, more time to think about things.
He's coming around tomorrow after work & Thursday in the morning, so I can go to CAB. Then Saturday night he'll probably be staying ( on the sofa ) because we are leaving early Sunday am to go to Alton Towers.
I'm regretting booking this now, don't know why.............

Can I just say.............each time you go out with the children and him you are making the situation easy for him and difficult for yourself.

He gets to see the children and their easy to look after because your both there.
You suffering because he's there but not there for you.
Thirdly he would find it difficult to take the children out on his own and enjoy them if they didn't behave.

I think you have to stop playing happy families when obviously its not and stop making life to easy for him. He's picking you up and putting you down as he feels like it. When she is back on the scene in the flesh the situation will be very different. You will be very much on your own and on his terms. You need to start sorting out the terms in your favour now, when it will affect him most, not when she's about and he's not as bothered.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but its you I'm thinking about. You need to protect yourself and the children, he can fend for himself, they can't.

Buffythedebtslayer

Righ SFH, you need to start day dreaming about Austraila and being as far away from this scum bag as possible. - go day dream, beaches, SUNSHINE tanned FIT surfers.

give your son some pillows if he wants to get mad get hitting them.

see if he can join a boxing club - excellent Anger management in Boys!

focus on the holiday. please I know its easy for me to say, but please try not to let him wind you up (ex). You do have a future, you really do I know its not the one you want but it is rare that a person's life turns out the way they expect it to. It will be a great future too. ((((((((hugs)))))))))))

And Kizzy, go have fun with the kids, be attractive be funny be cheerful. then kick him in the nuts. no sorry then come home make strict arrangements and solictors etc. then kick him in the nuts.

In all seriousness, keep being friendly it is good for the kids. the solicitor is good for you!

for the record I think you are amazing, I wouldn't have let him near me, kids would being dropped off at in laws/friends and I wouldn't speak to him or anything. would have changed numbers etc too. when I did split from that guy I told you about - that is exactly what I did, found out - spoke to him to make sure and NEVER spoke to him again not once. immediately changed phone the same day binned the old one. cut him out completely. but then I am a mean !!!!!.

((((((((hugs)))))))))

scottishfreebiehunter

Rikki I can see where you are coming from and it could bring more hurt,though I know for sure if I can go out with the t w a t i am married to Wednesday as my ds wants us both there I will have to get along also as I want it for my ds no one else,same when it comes to xmas etc god forbid I hope we can both get along and be civil for my ds.

So basically what I am trying to say is I can see where Kizzy is coming from and am totally 100% behind her,and her oh sounds as if he really loves the kids also and if they get to see there daddy and mummy and if they can be cool about it and no fighting etc etc then so be it.
Maybe in the future kizzy will move on and so will I though still no need for one to take kids out then other
Sorry if sounding mixed up ,but I have to do what is best for ds etc also

scottishfreebiehunter

:TAnd Kizzy, go have fun with the kids, be attractive be funny be cheerful. then kick him in the nuts. no sorry then come home make strict arrangements and solictors etc. then kick him in the nuts.
Buffy:T

As that is what I am going to do Wednesday act as if do not give a damn but hurting like h e l l inside and will go that extra length for ds as he is really suffering
I thought in this situation I would do this that and other and totally annoyed with myself:rotfl:

Rikki

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

Rikki I can see where you are coming from and it could bring more hurt,though I know for sure if I can go out with the t w a t i am married to Wednesday as my ds wants us both there I will have to get along also as I want it for my ds no one else,same when it comes to xmas etc god forbid I hope we can both get along and be civil for my ds.

So basically what I am trying to say is I can see where Kizzy is coming from and am totally 100% behind her,and her oh sounds as if he really loves the kids also and if they get to see there daddy and mummy and if they can be cool about it and no fighting etc etc then so be it.
Maybe in the future kizzy will move on and so will I though still no need for one to take kids out then other
Sorry if sounding mixed up ,but I have to do what is best for ds etc also

Kizzy doesn't seem mentally detached from the relationship and is leaving herself open to disappointment.

I can understand wanting both parents there is nice it doesn't always work and sometimes children can't have all they want.

The situation can also deteriorate for the worse once divorce rears its ugly head and finances come into play.

I know I'm always the baddy but sometimes you can read between the lines and see a different picture.

I can see the hope and feel the pain. I've been through all these emotions but maybe I'm a stronger personality but once my ex walked out that door I took control of my life and the children's and he had to fit in with me. Just the way it had to be for my self preservation.

Luckily everyone is different and family breakdowns can result in better separated parents parenting together.

kizzykizzywizzy

SFH, you have a good time bowling, just be yourself & enjoy it:T
Agree with Buffy, just think about Australia & what a fab time you'll have & how nice it will be to see your Mum:rolleyes:

Arrangements are being made re kids, it's just that it's the holidays.
After today, when someone obviously found me interesting enough to talk to, I'm feeling a lot better about myself, with each day I feel stronger, when he rang up to speak to the kids, I passed him over to them he spoke to them he said see you tomorrow, I said yes, he said about staying Sat night because of A Towers, I hesitated, he said oh well see then, so I said no, you might as well & then said bye & that was it. I didn't try & make any further conversation.
We will definately stay friendly, why not, even if we aren't together it's nicer all round.

scottishfreebiehunter

:rotfl:Buffy I aint what a surfer would want ,but I am sure there is some tasty bloke out there somewhere.
I think I will dream of oz as tonight narky as have bad inflammation of bladder seemingly aka cystits me thinks.

I think I will do what kizzy did tonight as when he is on phone winds me up something terrible to the state of panic and I want to cry again.
I cannot believe I used to be such a tough person though not now.


I do agree that the kids should fit in with parents sometimes also Rikki as just told me not so ds tonight :rotfl::rotfl:that he will not be sitting up any later so lights out etc etc