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Marriage over don't know where to start

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  • SFH your positive progress for the day is booking Australia, how great!

    Kizzy your positive progress for the day is going to a BBQ without him and getting on with socialisng... Big step.. Well done.

    Gert your positive progress for the day is still taking the kids on a Steam Train regardless of a hangover!! Poor you.

    SFH I think it was you that suggested a positive step a day so I've started you off on day 1, keep it up girls.

    Oh I am keeking myself basically though has to be done for myself and ds to see that there is a life out there and lucky enough can do it

    better shift catch up laterxxxxxxxxx
    Just back into comping past few months to help me get over rubbish in life.... won Hotpoint fridge freezer, soda stream
  • Family room, though he didn't get the urge to pounce on me on holiday, so I don't suppose he would now!
    It's either a bed & pull out bed or bed & sofa that comes into two beds. We stayed at a travel inn & this was what it was like. Although then we still had fun once the kids were asleep;) ( but that's obviously because we were so unhappy! )
    I've just rung his Sister in Australia, I was on there for over 20 mins - I'm so scared about my phone bill:eek: she said he's crazy, sounds depressed & mixed up.
    Glad you all are doing OK
    Hope it goes well at hospital SFH.
    Comping again - wins so far : 2 V festival tix, 2 NFL tix, 6 bottles of wine, personalised hand soap, Aussie miracle conditioner :beer:

    Married my best friend 15/4/16 :)
  • Morglin wrote: »
    If he does leave, then get yourself a solicitor - you'll get Legal Aid:

    http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/en/legalaid/calculator.jsp

    The Benefits Agency and the Revenue will advise on other things you may be entitled to:

    http://www.taxcredits.inlandrevenue.gov.uk/HomeNew.aspx

    http://www.dwp.gov.uk/lifeevent/famchild/

    What he says he will pay for now may be very different 6 months down the line, and you need to protect the house for you and your children.

    My marriage broke up after 30+ years, and although it's difficult, you do come out the other side - but you need to get professional advice.

    Take care.

    Lin :)

    Thanks for all the links, & I love your daily prayer, made me chuckle
    Comping again - wins so far : 2 V festival tix, 2 NFL tix, 6 bottles of wine, personalised hand soap, Aussie miracle conditioner :beer:

    Married my best friend 15/4/16 :)
  • Kizzy make sure you plan to get some wine for when the kids are asleep in the hotel... I'm am so not good for you... I am soo encouraging :o:p
  • Fidget21
    Fidget21 Posts: 155 Forumite
    He's hardly in a moral position to be pouncing on you though is he? If the guilt is eating him up so badly as it is, imagine what it would do to him if he was pouncing on you too!?!?

    I just don't get him though and am still going to stand by everything I have said before about his feelings. Simply because I cannot understand how somebody who says they are no longer in love with or wanting to be with their wife anymore can then want to spend as much time with them as he is with you. If it was just about the kids, he could spend time just with them couldn't he? Without you being there I mean.

    Either there is more to this, or he must have rhinoceros hide!

    Has he actually says what he intends to do when the moose comes off ship??

    He's really confusing me, so I dread to think how you must feel. If it was my OH I think I'd have to tell him to Foff and stop messing me about, I can't stand faffing about!!
  • Fidget21
    Fidget21 Posts: 155 Forumite
    KM

    I'm with you on this because although he's saying one thing his actions are leading me to believe another.
  • Yes i know, I'm totally mixed up, I don't know what's going on, perhaps he is dense enough to think it's normal to go out with your exwife & kids & see all of them all the time.
    I just don't know, the alternative is that he does still have feelings for me - no idea, but I'm ok going on as we are with no expectations.
    I'm not so up & down with my emotions today as I've just accepted that's it & I'm going to get on with things & see what happens
    Comping again - wins so far : 2 V festival tix, 2 NFL tix, 6 bottles of wine, personalised hand soap, Aussie miracle conditioner :beer:

    Married my best friend 15/4/16 :)
  • SuziQ
    SuziQ Posts: 3,042 Forumite
    Kizzy all I can say at this point is,it is very easy to over-analyse everything they do/say in these situations,when in fact all they are doing is opening their mouth and stuff is said without thought-I know because I have been through this too remember,this is my second time! Whilst you are reading all sorts of stuff into what he is doing and saying,he has his eyes fixed on his new future with the moose and is really just hoping to keep things 'easy' with you-partly for the kids ,yes,but also as it makes it so much easier for him. He probably doesn't have the oppurtuity to be with her at the moment-she may not even have sorted out the mess with her own husband so they may be agreeing to stay apart until that is sorted. He may not even be that bothered about her but it is his key out of his life with you.

    I had all the promises re the house etc the first time-fine until the solicitors got involved,when my first ex got extremely nasty-with my second he is still blowing hot and cold and I have no idea what will happen as he is not the person I thought I knew anymore.

    I really feel it would be such a retrograde step for any of you lovely ladies to get intimate with these scum bags again-just one more little bit of power over you,and a friend of mine was told she was 'desperate' etc after one of those such encounters-it came out in every subsequent row they had and was also shared amongst our group of friends. Although the friends (including me!) condemmned him for his indiscretion it was so humiliating for her.

    You all need to get realistic about all of this,the guys have moved on in their heads and whilst they may use you and the situation whilst it suits them,and intimacy or niceness will be denied vehemently to their new partners.

    Just be very very careful.

    Perhaps I'm an old cynic,but apart from my own experience I have seen so much grief amongst friends and family over the years.


    I have removed my earlier post here as I would hate anyone who knows her to recognise her from it.
    THESE SCUMBAGS ARE JUST NOT WORTH IT!
    Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it!
  • You are probably right!
    Of course it's easier for him this way.As for the moose being his key - you are probably right there too, he's not strong enough to do it on his own
    Comping again - wins so far : 2 V festival tix, 2 NFL tix, 6 bottles of wine, personalised hand soap, Aussie miracle conditioner :beer:

    Married my best friend 15/4/16 :)
  • GeorgeUK
    GeorgeUK Posts: 7,737 Forumite
    Sorry but it doesn't sit right with me (not that any of it does).
    It's almost as if he's waiting to commit fully to a decision - is he waiting for moose to come off the boat and talk to her hubby? If she gets cold feet and calls it off does he expect just to go back to you?

    I know there's alot of info we aren't getting, and you too, but it's like he doesn't want to burn his bridges until he knows what will be on the other side.

    Hope you girls all have good hangover cures on standby.
    After falling off the gambling wagon (twice): £33,600 (24,000+ 9,600) - Original CC Debt: £7,885.91

    Dad Gift 6k ¦ Savings & Inv Tst: £2,500
    Loan 10k: £0 ¦ Dad 5.5k: £2,270 ¦ LTSB: £0 ¦ RBS: £0 ¦ Virgin £0 ¦ Egg £0

    Total Owed: £2,270 (+6k) 11/08/2011
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