Marriage over don't know where to start

belfastgirl23

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Pollycat you're right, I'm not getting my hopes up.
I just can't stop loving him overnight though.
I won't be doing a DIY divorce, I should get legal aid & I don't want to make any mistakes, because my children's future is a stake here too.
We had a quick talk yesterday about the house etc & he's saying that when I sell the house, which he is saying, I don't have to do within any time scale, or buy him out, he would like to split his equity with the kids, so they have got a bit of money behind them.
All this sounds good at the moment, but we all know how things change, I also said, your Solicitor won't let you pay as much as you are saying you will, he said it's what I want to do.

In this case would he not be as well just letting you have the house? In the (hopefully extreme) fullness of time it would belong to the children anyway to sell etc and in the meantime they'd have the stability of the same roof over their head so why take money from you to give to them? Doesn't really make sense to me except if he wants them to see he's giving them something to assuage the guilt.

And I would put money that as far as the other woman is concerned he is spending time with his kids and you are nowhere in the picture at all. Which does mean he's lying to her as well. And while I do feel a little bit of pleasure in that I don't really like what it tells me about him as a person I guess....

Keeping_Motivated

Yeah its all well and good saying the children come first and telling her he has taken the children out etc but I don't believe he is telling her he wants you to come along and that you are! Lying already to her, so early days too, tut tut. Not a good start. Do I sound smug hehe

Do you know what I bet he is painting himself as an angel to her sayinghow much time he is spending with the kids and she will be thinking awe what an amazing dad he is bless little does she know.

Kizzy has he had the snip?

SPANIEL36

hey kizzy, i'm still following the thread, missed out a couple of days and its took me ages to catch up!!!

Well done for staying strong through all this, Yes he's a cheating !!!!!! but you still have loads of feelings for him, that cant be helped. You cant change the way you feel. There will e days when he'll do something or say something and pee you off and anger you but when you've calmed down your feelings are still there and will be if your still getting on well and going out together with the kids etc. I honestly wish he'd see sense and realise what a top chick you really are and throw the moose off the nearest cliff. Probably not gonna happen....its his loss at the end of the day

take care

kizzykizzywizzy

No idea what he's telling her, probably not much he's quite boring to talk to on the phone!
No he never did get the snip, though we talked about it & he was going to, he said, you'll probably leave me as soon as I have it done! How times have changed.
I think re the house he'd like them to have the money sooner rather than later - if I died etc

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks Spaniel, starting to get a bit of a social life back together now, so will just enjoy "being on the market" & any attention that comes my way, it will be a nice ego boost for me & will be a kick in the teeth for him, I think he must think that no one would ever want me.
Can't believe I offered it to him on a plate yesterday! mind you he did just say i haven't had a shower!
I wonder if the idea to go away is anything to do with that ?? - see mind playing tricks again - I MUST STOP

Pollycat

I just can't stop loving him overnight though.

Of course you can't, sweetie.
I do know exactly what you're going through, my ex had a mid-life crisis at the age of 30 & started an affair with an 18 year old girl he worked with, we'd been married for 8 years, it had been going on for 18 months before I found out.

But to keep your sanity, you need to harden your heart to memories of good times with him.
The reality is that he's a lying cheat - keep that thought close to you whenever he's being nice to you.
Get through this, come out the other end and then you can see if it's possible to be friends with him.

XXX

kimlisa66

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Thanks Spaniel, starting to get a bit of a social life back together now, so will just enjoy "being on the market" & any attention that comes my way, it will be a nice ego boost for me & will be a kick in the teeth for him, I think he must think that no one would ever want me.
Can't believe I offered it to him on a plate yesterday! mind you he did just say i haven't had a shower!
I wonder if the idea to go away is anything to do with that ?? - see mind playing tricks again - I MUST STOP

Hi Kizzy, glad you sound a bit more positive today, that's good to see.
You mentioned you were 'down South' earlier in one of your posts to Chip...Im in Hampshire, if you are local, and wanna meet up with a fellow Singleton...I'd be more than happy if distance isnt a problem. That goes for anyone else in the same boat who is local to Hampshire. :-)

Im slowly making new friends after the so called mutual friends my Ex and I shared were completely poisoned by him, and ostracised me. Not a bad thing though really, It made me realise I didnt actually have anything in common with them, only used to go out with them as they were his friends....if ever I asked him to come out with my friends and their partners, he would refuse..... I can tell you its a wonderful feeling to be able to do what I like, when I like, with whom I like......

Kim x

SPANIEL36

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Thanks Spaniel, starting to get a bit of a social life back together now, so will just enjoy "being on the market" & any attention that comes my way, it will be a nice ego boost for me & will be a kick in the teeth for him, I think he must think that no one would ever want me.
Can't believe I offered it to him on a plate yesterday! mind you he did just say i haven't had a shower!
I wonder if the idea to go away is anything to do with that ?? - see mind playing tricks again - I MUST STOP

i'd have said there's one in the bathroom upstairs.....:rotfl: :rotfl: cheeky aren't i!!

kassytbag

Morning all - im taking the kids out for a good long walk with some friends dogs this afternoon - oh wants to come round tonight to try to talk to kids even tho they dont want anything to do with him as they say he doesnt seem to understand what hes done wrong - any ideas?

kizzykizzywizzy

SPANIEL36 wrote: »

i'd have said there's one in the bathroom upstairs.....:rotfl: :rotfl: cheeky aren't i!!

i did Spaniel, I said you can always have a shower here:rotfl:
Mind you bathroom downstairs in our house, live in Victorian House.

Ok he's phoned, has found a travelodge 5 miles away from Alton towers, so I have booked it! We are staying for 2 nights Sunday & Monday :eek:

Nervous about it now, have told the kids they are really excited.