Marriage over don't know where to start

greeniegirl

I don't believe in bonus night, who for? he will know he can "get it" when ever he wants and you will quite possibly end up feeling used, because they will just go back to their s***. And as suziQ says its something that can be used against you.

I guess I just don't see the point in mudding the waters. I am very old fashioned (frigid!) when it comes to that sort of thing. Its special and personal and not to be shared with some one who has such little respect for you and who has hurt you and your kids so much.

I am sorry if I am out of line - ultimately its now of my business and never having been married I guess I don't know what it is like. I just want so badly for you all to protect yourselves from these horrible men.

xxx[/quote]


HI kizzy

have to say I agree completely with the above! it'd only cloud unnecessarily what is already pretty clear - he's not good enough and never will be! personally i think you'd be better off letting him off with the kids on his own (so you don't suffer) but as you've already said, why should he have the fun either.. I could be really cruel and suggest you tease him for the two nights but I guess that would be wrong (!?)

It's great to see you write that you went to bbq in your own, not knowing many and had a good time - that's the stuff! you know you can meet someone else when the time is right, not taking scraps off that fool!

Keeping_Motivated

For the people who don't agree with the 'bonus' night I know what you are saying and I don't agree with having continual 'bonus' nights but if it were me and I would be doing it for me not him and also to show him one LAST time what he was missing. I would certainly not be letting him think that he could have it on a plate it would be a one off only and I would make him clear on that. After the event of course

kizzykizzywizzy

SFH - it's only to be expected, my nephews did the same & were around the same age one nephew head butted the floor in his bedroom he made a hole in the floor ( modern house, so possibly not the strongest floor, but still! )

Weird how he went out when you got in Gert, do you think he's jealous that you have been going out & having fun?

Yes I'm really chuffed that I went to BBQ, I am very confident meeting people though, doesn't make me nervous at all, though I really need my hair dyed, will ring hairdressers & see if I can get it done Friday, he can look after the kids. I just feel so much better that someone, attractive even bothered to talk to me ( mind you he looks very much like my ex!:o )

greeniegirl

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Quote

Hi greeniegirl
I know what you are saying and I don't agree with having continual 'bonus' nights but if it were me and I would be doing it for me not him and also to show him one LAST time what he was missing. I would certainly not be letting him think that he could have it on a plate it would be a one off only and I would make him clear on that. After the event of course

Hmm, I know what you mean - if it worked then good. However the sad thing is that these people know exactly what they are missing and are stupid enough to still think the grass is greener elsewhere. i think a move like that unfortunately could badly backfire, as emotions are involved - and who wants to risk their happiness by doing something like that?

also that kind of fun is freely available - otherwise how do people like the moose score!? Not that any of the women here will have to stoop to that!

Dumbledore55

SuziQ wrote: »

I really feel it would be such a retrograde step for any of you lovely ladies to get intimate with these scum bags again-just one more little bit of power over you,and a friend of mine was told she was 'desperate' etc after one of those such encounters-it came out in every subsequent row they had and was also shared amongst our group of friends. Although the friends (including me!) condemmned him for his indiscretion it was so humiliating for her.

I've not really joined in before but have been reading all the trials and tribulations. I have to agree with SuziQ on ths one, I know someone who thought they were getting their 'bonus night' with their ex only for him to describe her as desperate and easy and that he did it out of 'pity'. He still didn't come back to her and stayed with the woman he left her for.

Be very careful x

scottishfreebiehunter

Fidget21 wrote: »

SFH

Rather than try and calm him down, can you help him let it all out. He's been through a lot recently and might need to vent. Question him on what he's feeling and why..

BTW no expert on kids, but it's what I do when hubby throws a tantrum!!

He is being downright ignorant to me and I aint having any of it:mad:
I know he needs to let anget out but this is out of order

Fidget21

Fair one! I think he's going to push at the moment to see how much he can get away with. It would probably be good for you to get angry with him. He is 12 (I think you said - sorry if that's wrong) so he is old enough to understand that he's not the only one being affected by this situation. It might give him a bit of a wake up call if he sees mum getting angry, help him to understand that you're hurting too.

Also, he is seeing your OH treating you badly and is following that example..it needs to be stopped NOW!!!

Your OH needs to see/know what impact his behaviour is having too.

gerturdeanna

Just tried talking to mine about access nights etc, its like talking to a brick wall - do you think I'm reading into it too much by me thinking that cos he don't want to make plans for the future (its next week he is meant to be moving out), he doesn't really want to go??
I've told him again that the kids are the prority here and he HAS to have one fixed day off on a weekend - either Sat or Sun so he has a full day and even have them the night before either here, and I'll go to my mums or at the house he'll be sharing - I don't mind - I know the bloke he is sharing with and he is alright. I said also that I think 2 evenings a week would be plenty enough and that if I needed a babysitter for the nights when I have the kiddies, he would have first refusal. He says he's got to talk to work - he is a deputy bloody manager - its about time he started telling them what he wants and needs cos thats the options I have set out and thats that!!

scottishfreebiehunter

I am losing the will to live tonight head bursting emotions running high etc

scottishfreebiehunter

Gerti he needs to get it sorted as you are not there to put up with his rubbishxxxxxx