Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Anyway I'm going to bed, I just keep going over the same old ground today.
I need to move on & be positive, I just find it so hard when the kids get upset because none of that is my doing & they say they want Daddy & I say Daddy doesn't want to live with Mummy anymore, then they start saying they hate me or they love Daddy best, sometimes they say they hate him too, but they've never said things like that before, so I know they are struggling.
Forgot to say, he even suggested moving back in, & using the dining room as his bedroom! I said no way

Well SFH he wants to see them all the time, but I've said twice in the week & evry other weekend, see how that goes.

scottishfreebiehunter

:eek:use the dining room whilst he is texting and carrying on with someone else,unreal
You take care and try get some sleep,my head going round in circles tonight and a bit upset but well could be worse.........................I think

Keeping_Motivated

Use the dining room as a bedroom!? Just shows how much he underestimates how horrific this pain is for you that he has caused... either that or he is blocking it out to make himself feel better.

How would him being in the dining room help YOU? Good grief he really is insensitive to the reality of this isn't he. Fool.

I really do wonder what his future plans are because if he moved back in and then the fool and the Moose do get to be together somehow, what then? Move out and shock the children and you again to keep himself and the Moose happy? Not exactly the sharpest tool in the box when it comes to emotions and planning is he!

Buffythedebtslayer

I just cannot understand why these men are so awful. how can they do that to their children? their Children for God's Sake.

I am lost for words.

I know you will all be ok eventually, but why do they have to make so much more painful when its so painful already.

xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Use the dining room oh **** OFF!

Unbelievable.

scottishfreebiehunter

This is it my oh was so so close to my ds and he is so lost without him,yes I am trying to do stuff with him,as always went to footie without oh anyway as he didnt like going etc:rolleyes: but other than that he was the perfect dad.

One day the horrid man will realise his mistake as my ds starting to question him now with why's and what for's etc so all in all it will be his lose if he messes him around.

right me to off to bed soon to toss and turn as head wasted tonight

thanks again guysxxxxxxxxxxx

Chip_Hazard

You just can't believe some of the stories that appear on this thread!

I'm not saying I doubt them, completely the opposite in fact. I just find it hard to believe that there are folk outside my window ( albeit quite some distance out my window ) whose lives are so intricately woven with lies, deceit, nastiness and downright idiocy. How do people cope with it, how do people move on so quickly as if their relationship is a newspaper, put it down and pick it up again when they want to.

I've been single now for almost four years now and the best bit of it is that I have built up a wonderful relationship with my children, particularly my youngest two who are seven. I split with their mum when they were four but have insisted on spending as much time as possible with them. I have them now on Wednesdays from school till 8pm and every weekend from Friday school-end until 6pm on Friday. In the four years, I haven't missed a weekend at all and have had them to sleep over every night bar one when the football club the boys play for arranged a night out for the coaching staff.

Somewhere in these people's hearts, there is a heartbeat but you have to listen bloody hard to hear it sometimes. I have had terrible problems with their mother who insists on starting new relationships and introducing the boys to the new men too quickly. Her daughter is twelve now and has had seven "father figures" which is wrong IMO.

The only advice I can give through my own experience has been probably covered already.

• Write everything down as your memory can't remember everything. Even when things go well, write it down, you'll never know when you'll need it.
• Don't resort to violence, it really isn't worth it. Keep calm, keep cool and you'll keep the moral high ground.
• Don't argue in front of the kids, there's a time and a place for shouting and them in earshot isn't it.
• Finally, being alone and happy beats being in a couple and unhappy. Every single time. Celebrate being alone. If it's sex you miss then sort yourself out ( sorry to be a bit crude ). If it's companionship then sort yourself out some good friends, some new hobbies and take up a college course.

Being in a couple isn't everything, girls.:D

Buffythedebtslayer

ladies, I have read his diary (hope I don't sound like a stalker Chip!) and he is very nice.

and clearly gives good advice!

Aurora_emma

Even though I am sitting here spending yet another night alone (doing competitions..whoop:D ), I agree whole heartedly with your last point Chip. I really don't want another bloke coming into my children's lives. It is about me and them now. We are having fun and I am even thinking of buying a funky wee camper van so we can get out and about and have some fun (I have always wanted to but ex hates them..teehee)

I am so pleased to hear of a good guy that has his children in a routine - my ex and I are trying to do that (in between him suggesting he moves back in... or moves away.... or anything else that rocks my boat and stops me coping as well ..grrrr).

I haven't been able to go back to watching the things we used to watch together on tv - is like that life is dead now.. it was a lie. He called our marriage dead in the water - so why was he so nice when he was home (he works away - 2 weeks away, 2 home.. he saw the other woman on his way down (and sometimes back) from work. Luckily it was just a sex thing and he hasnt wanted anything to do with her. My other worry is him meeting someone else and the effect that will have on our children - particularly if he goes on to have more children. Feeling like your 15 year investment is down the tubes is not nice Hard not to feel bitter for having your twenties taken away - bearing children and being a wife to someone.

I hope everyone has a good sleep and doesn't have nightmares tonight
- thanks for your post Chips, it has restored a bit of my faith in mankind
Writing things down is a good idea, I think I need to do that.

SuziQ

Chip I totally agree with you.
I was on my own for almost 5 years after my first husband left. I was actually quite happy-my kids came first,them my very responsible job,then I was studying for more qualifications. I was very close to my kids and was happy enough with my life as I knew no better. Virtually no social life though-only that which revolved around the kids,PTA and occasional outings with my parents.
Then I met my current husband. He literally swept me off my feet,made me feel like a princess.
Unfortunately I wasn't aware that lying to him comes as naturally as breathing. I supported him through the battles with his ex over their children,helped to fund all the court battles over access etc. I gave up a lot of 'myself' and in many ways,sacrificed the wonderful close relationship with my oldest children.
I quickly had a child with him (I was getting old lol!) and he was desperate to be a father again-was very very ill in the pregnancy and have physical problems left over from the birth. Our child is also Special needs.
He now swings between promising me the earth and being vile-ie tonight,texting me to taunt me about forthcoming serious surgery and telling me he wished he had never met me. He brought our child home earlier-who is Autistic and very sensetive-with him having wet himself as his dad was too busy gassing with some random bloke in the shopping centre,telling our son to be quiet whilst he desperately begged to be taken to the toilet.

Given my time over I would never have taken the first step towards meeting my husband-except I wouldn't wish my youngest child away.

I WILL NOT be looking for male company and am quite content to be a good mum,reclaim my health which has been destroyed by stress and getting back to paid employment.

You do not have to be with a partner to be fulfilled-sometimes having peace of mind and being an unstressed undistracted parent is enough (plus my faith sustains me.)


I honestly believe that the majority of cheaters live to bitterly regret what they have given up-and the biggest cost is to the children that have to live through the turmoil of it all.