Marriage over don't know where to start

chevalier

kimlisa66 wrote: »

Just an update on my situation with my cheating, drinking, gambling, abusive ex... he took our daughter to a friends's bbq today ( well, no friend of mine, they sided with him because the husband had been doing the same thing, they were covering for each other) and when I spoke to her at 9pm, she was sat watching him drinking and playing poker for money. with his disgusting drunken friends........highly inappropriate for a ten year old but he seems to think its perfectly acceptable. If I say anything, he just laughs at me or talks over me.

Why are some men such tos***ers ?

Love and light to all going through hard times

K x

This is exactly the sort of incident you should note down for the divorce, along with every missed visit, or not keeping promises, it is all evidence for if it gets nasty
chev

Bismarck

I've dipped in and out of this thread since it started and can't really find the words to say anything helpful. My thoughts are with you all in these tough times. Take care.

space_rider

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Yes my deepest fear is my ex playing happy families with her & my children, who are so young they'd probably accept it.
.

The b`hatch tried to play happy families but though she wanted my husband she didn`t bargain for having my girls 3 out of 7 days. Novelty quickly wore off. They could sense that but as hard as it was for me I couldn`t keep them away from their Dad because of her. I did have to put my foot down when she became very abusive to our last daughter and told my ex that I didn`t want her in the same room as any of my children ever again and stopped the girls from going to their Dad`s. They were all teenagers by then. He then had to come here to see them which didn`t bother me. She did finally move out.

You know what I did the first time I was on my own without ex husband. I went to the paper shop and bought the sunday papers and spread it all over my bed and read it first. I then got it delivered so I didn`t have to leave the house. After years of having to wait to read the papers that was one of the best things about being alone.

kassytbag

Chip that must have been so bad for you i cant begin to understand - just remember you are the good guy here and have faith in you

Pollycat

Hi I've only just found this forum but wanted to just let you know I went through all your torment and pain over 28 years ago - my 'other half' told me he was having an affair whilst I was in hospital having just had our second child and didnt even bother to pick us up from the hospital as he was having the weekend away with his married lover. Like a fool I struggled to keep the marriage going for another year but finally realised what a bas---d he was and threw him out of the home.
The first thing I did was get a good solicitor (he wanted me to vacate the house in February (whilst it was snowing with two young children) as he was desperate for money) and to learn to be honest with myself and my friends about what had really happened.
Its no good pretending things will work out - the person you married is gone and often in their place you have a cold hearted fiend who will stop at nothing. The truth is you have to learn to fight dirtier and harder. You have to be totally practical and THINK OF YOURSELF AND THE CHILDREN FIRST - what he wants is frankly irrelevent. The result ......I got the house , found myself a well paid job, got a childminder for the children and by the time the boys were 10 and 12 I could afford to take a loan to take them to Disneyland. All this with no child support as he either refused to work or later went to the USA to work.
My eldest son is now trained as a barrister, happily married , with a daughter of his own. My youngest son had lots of emotional problems as a child because he felt rejected by his father. For a long time I struggled to cope but never gave up on him. Now he is also happily with a partner and has a daughter of his own. Both of them know and appreciate the sacrifices I made for them and over time have realised how useless their father was and is.( He still only turns up when it suits him - like some jolly uncle bringing gifts from afar.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is - it may seem like the end of your world and every day seems like a lifetime, your heart aches and if it wasnt for the kids you feel life would not be worth living - but it DOES get better and whats more you regain your self respect and confidence. I have done things now on my own that I would never have thought possible - learnt new languages, travelled abroad on my own, made new friends and generally had a great time.
Its true what doesnt break you makes you stronger and I feel I have gained so much more than he ever will - I see my sons regularly and now the grandchildren - my ex has never seen his grandchildren - only photos.
I share their lives in a way he never could.
I really feel for you - reading your comments brought back all the raw emotions of that wretched time all those years ago - but you are not alone - this is the time to call on your friends and familys support - and to stand tall and show your children how strong you can be - both for them and yourself.
My love goes with you all.

Catfriend (I am too, mine's asleep on the bed after a hard night out on the tiles :rotfl: )
What a fabulously inspiring post. :T

I think what is clear from the posts by SFH, Gert, Kizzy and now Kassy, they are all still in love with the person they married but as you say, that person doesn't exist anymore.
I think over the past few days, they've come to realise that, and that is the first step to moving onwards and upwards.

I hope the weekend goes OK for all of you.

XXX

scottishfreebiehunter

I have had mine on the phoen coaching me how to get through a day :rolleyes::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
oh dear oh dear he still cares for me ,didnt even argue with him ,though what I did do was come off the phone and go on the wii fit for 20 mins and will do so later as well.
I had put on a good bit of weight due to ill health etc and now it says I lost a stone after 62 days and that was with very little work,I am going to stick in with it and do the best for me and no one else.
Yes I know it is only wii fit but used the punch bag and thought of his head:D
It is only a little achievement for me though will start a list and going to achieve something small every day:T

Did decide though that no matter happens my oh is always going to be part of my childs life and have to live with it as do not want ds upset anymore,but it will be on my terms.

Pollycat

SFH
you sound more positive today. :T

Good luck on the continued weight loss, do try to eat sensibly though, I do know how difficult it is to 'want' to eat when your innards feel like somebody's constantly stirring them up with a big spoon.

I hope your OH doesn't let your son down once you manage to sort out visiting.
XXX

scottishfreebiehunter

Thanks Pollycat ,I have been totally away with the fairies past few weeks and been eating all sorts of rubbish ,though I will not be letting anyone make my health any worse than it is already.
Yes I still love him and it hurts like hell but I really have to get a grip.

So all of us out there lets do something positive every day,no matter how smallxx

kassytbag

I have really tried to be positive today but i keep having this thought runnning thru my head constantly that i have lost my soul mate - while i was suffering from depression i was vile to live with i understand that now , but through it all i never stopped loving him - why didnt he just give me the chance to get over it and get back to being the me he fell in love with - our children are old enough now for us to begin getting our life back - i had booked a romantic week away next year for just the two of us - first time in 18 yrs!!! now he has taken all that away from me and given it to someone else - that is breaking my heart as much as the sheer lonliness - i have tried so hard - been out and about today, cooking a roast for the kids, mowed lawns but my head keeps going over and over it - i wish it would just switch off

scottishfreebiehunter

kassytbag wrote: »

I have really tried to be positive today but i keep having this thought runnning thru my head constantly that i have lost my soul mate - while i was suffering from depression i was vile to live with i understand that now , but through it all i never stopped loving him - why didnt he just give me the chance to get over it and get back to being the me he fell in love with - our children are old enough now for us to begin getting our life back - i had booked a romantic week away next year for just the two of us - first time in 18 yrs!!! now he has taken all that away from me and given it to someone else - that is breaking my heart as much as the sheer lonliness - i have tried so hard - been out and about today, cooking a roast for the kids, mowed lawns but my head keeps going over and over it - i wish it would just switch off

Mine does to Kassy and I even called him to why again etc etc :oand just torturing myself,I have been ill past couple of years and blame myself for that.
It is not our fault I know that as we had happy holidays ,good fun as a family etc etc.
I am doing same cooking roast for myself and ds and trying hard to live for him just now as he has been so badly affected,fingers crossed down the line as others say we will stop hurting so much.

Sent you a pm if you ever want to talkx



Kizzy hope youre day been okayxxxxxxxx
Gerti are you alive or had to much booze;)