Marriage over don't know where to start

greeniegirl

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

I think they pass blame and criticise to ease their own conscience otherwise they would have to admit what selfish, cruel, heartless people they are which I guess is hard to face. So do not allow them to blame you, keep bouncing it straight back, their guilt, their actions, their problem! I truly believe guilt lasts longer than any pain, onve you have moved on and the pain has gone they will still have to face their children all their lives knowing how much they once hurt them!!

KM x

i agree completely.. no wonder you've been battling depression. mm.. wonder who might have helped cause that?:rolleyes:

scottishfreebiehunter

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

I think they pass blame and criticise to ease their own conscience otherwise they would have to admit what selfish, cruel, heartless people they are which I guess is hard to face. So do not allow them to blame you, keep bouncing it straight back, their guilt, their actions, their problem! I truly believe guilt lasts longer than any pain, onve you have moved on and the pain has gone they will still have to face their children all their lives knowing how much they once hurt them!!

KM x

:T:Twise words

kizzykizzywizzy

Have just been on the phone to my ex for nearly an hour, as my Son was inconsolable ( missing his dad ) & he had a chat with him, then I told him that I couldn't believe what he's done to me & his children.
He said he wasn't happy & he should have talked about it & perhaps we wouldn't be in this mess. He never seemed unhappy, I said you are only saying that because it justifies what you have done & what you've done is disgusting, he said I know it is.
I said you should have done everything you could to try & work on our marriage before you went & did what you did, he said i know, but I didn't so there's nothing I can do about that.
He keeps telling me he'll be here for me & that he wants us to be friends & that he'll always be here for the kids, but he's not is he? He wasn't here last night when DS was ill & DS was upset today because he wasn't here, so it's already affecting them.
He is still insisting he'll pay the mortgage & the insurances & endowment that go with it.
He's also going to help fill all the forms in with me, if not tomorrow ASAP.
I'm afraid I blubbed again as he said he hadn't been in love with me for some time, I don't believe that.
I'm really upset again. I just want this all to over, I just wish I didn't have to have him in my life anymore, but obviously i do because of the kids.
I'm so lonely & so sad, whatever did I do to deserve this?

Oh Kassy, similar situation with the holiday, except he didn't ring her at all.
Also how you are describing your husband as a different person in the same body, that's what mines like

kizzykizzywizzy

By the way I didn't ask him back again, so one good thing, I just can't seem to get it through his thick skull that he has been a git!
I said that he's a coward & he just agrees.
I know he's said sorry, but it's not enough, I don't know what is, but just saying sorry isn't!
Am I crazy?

Fidget21

Oh Kizzy!! You did nothing to deserve this honey. I cannot believe he is doing this to you, I cannot believe also that he really doesn't seem to accept the enormity of what he has done. It feels like he is trying to say all the right things and says what he thinks you want to hear but has shut himself off to what this is doing to you and the kids. Again I think it comes down to him not being able to handle the guilt.

I completely understand what you mean about sorry not being enough, because at the end of the day it is a word and without a display of remorse it is a meaningless word. It doesn't matter how many times somebody says it, if they are not taking actions to compensate for what they did wrong it means nothing.

You are not crazy...but I think he is for doing this to you.

((((hugs))))

Keeping_Motivated

Crazy? Err NO!!!

Like I've said before he obviously moved on in his mind a while ago and is suddenly expecting you to be on the same page as him. He is a coward because if he really was that unhappy then why keep telling you he loves you etc, that is manipulative and cruel.
So you are so right , sorry is NOT enough.

KM x

kassytbag

You are right - saying sorry is not enough - my husband swore on our daughters lives that there was nothing going on - when i questioned him about how he could do that he said 'what sort of person asks the question' - what a prat - i was so desperate for the truth i thought he couldnt possible lie like that - i have also just been reading through the e financial form from the solicitor - my oh keeps telling me he wants to sort finances out asap and now i know why - when she moves in the with him he has to disclose her assets as well on the form - so he wants me to do it straight away and then say she moved in after - i have a feeling these forms may takes months to fill out!!!!!!!!

Keeping_Motivated

kassytbag wrote: »

You are right - saying sorry is not enough - my husband swore on our daughters lives that there was nothing going on - when i questioned him about how he could do that he said 'what sort of person asks the question' - what a prat - i was so desperate for the truth i thought he couldnt possible lie like that - i have also just been reading through the e financial form from the solicitor - my oh keeps telling me he wants to sort finances out asap and now i know why - when she moves in the with him he has to disclose her assets as well on the form - so he wants me to do it straight away and then say she moved in after - i have a feeling these forms may takes months to fill out!!!!!!!!

Sounds like a plan. Just make sure you slowly fill the forms in with 'charm'. Meaning every time he asks you about them be so absolutley dignified and charming and nice to him, making up what ever excuse it takes but be nice while you do it. That will make it much harder for him to be horrible to you, don't give him an excuse to blame you for all his actions making out you are a nutter and nasty etc as they usually do.

KM x

kassytbag

trouble is i want to ring him now and tell him i know why he is lying about her not moving in just yet - they think they can get away with it and that drives me mad

belfastgirl23

kassytbag wrote: »

trouble is i want to ring him now and tell him i know why he is lying about her not moving in just yet - they think they can get away with it and that drives me mad

No point in tipping him off that you're wise to his plan though...the longer you 'can't face doing it' the longer they have to live apart...that's probably better revenge than yelling it down the phone