Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

SFH if that happens - which I very much doubt now, it will be an excuse to get married again! My DD can be a bridesmaid & DS a pageboy.
We got married in Australia, I had the dress ( 2nd hand very MSE ), & a lovely meal at a hotel, his Sis ( who lives there ) & mostly her friends came we had the bridal suite overlooking a bay it was lovely, but we did loads of overtime to pay for it & so we could take a month off of work, we didn't want a huge wedding & to be paying for it for years to come, for some relation we never see !!
I still wouldn't have a big do, when all was going well this week, I must admit I was thinking about renewing our vows - am I a plonker or what

Buffythedebtslayer

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Not feeling so strong underneath!

You know what that doesn't matter, its how you look to him that matters and a certain extent how the kids see you around him. You did brilliantly today you really did. I know you feel bad and it will take some serious getting used to, but this scum stucking creep has hurt you and has been cruel and dishonest, you need to keep showing him you don't care anymore.

I still think you need to say tuesdays and thursdays only or something, all this I 'll ring tomorrow business. Good God the urge to tell him where to stick his phone must be unbelievable.

Have you thought about what to tell the kids? re him not coming home? or has he told them about his new "friend" (may she choke on false nails and be eaten by a cat) I hate him Kizzy, absolutely bloody hate him. and that business about topping himself. there are a que of women here who will give him a hand - and do "take it seriously" ring his bloody sister and tell her you feel weird leaving him with the kids etc. really embarrass the melodramatic t***.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


Sorry about the rant, but men make me so mad.

Gertudeanna, I hope you are doing ok, some days are harder then others I guess
xxxx

scottishfreebiehunter

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

SFH if that happens - which I very much doubt now, it will be an excuse to get married again! My DD can be a bridesmaid & DS a pageboy.
We got married in Australia, I had the dress ( 2nd hand very MSE ), & a lovely meal at a hotel, his Sis ( who lives there ) & mostly her friends came we had the bridal suite overlooking a bay it was lovely, but we did loads of overtime to pay for it & so we could take a month off of work, we didn't want a huge wedding & to be paying for it for years to come, for some relation we never see !!
I still wouldn't have a big do, when all was going well this week, I must admit I was thinking about renewing our vows - am I a plonker or what

No you are not a plonker thats for surexxxxxxxxxxxx
I am having another silly moment of loving him as was walking around tesco earlier alone getting meals for me and ds only

gerturdeanna

I found a hiding place for the money!! I'm not telling where though!! Somewhere no-one will be going for a long while!!
Only had the one glass of wine before and am going to try and not have an alcoholc drink tonight - have drunk every night for about 3 weeks and I think its about time I stopped!! So if I am on here later, mumbling and stumbling -tell me off please!
He's took the kids to MaccyD's for their tea, he got home from work and within 5 mins, he was saying he needed to go back to 'sign some papers'?? I think he's got a loan from the credit union people - don't know where all his £550 that he took from the joint account has gone then if thats the case -actually I do- a tattoo of a qestion mark on his heart, sweeties and chocolates for the kiddies and beers in the pub after work every day!!! Money sure goes quick.
I'm seriously thinking of going bankrupt when he leaves, but am worried about the house etc. Anyone got advice re that?
And stay strong girlies!!

swadey1

Hi Kizzy
I know you can't really be feeling that strong, all you want is for them to come home pretend nothing ever happened and pickup where you left off.
It's crap that you can't and if you did you still wouldn't trust him. You can tell him all you like you'd never bring stuff up I did the same but we are only human of COURSE you would. He hurt you and you want to make him understand that and pay for it that is only human too.
Keep strong honey. I can even understand all of the feelings of forgiveness you have for him there are many many of us out there and no one else can tell you if you are right or wrong to feel them after all lovey it's you and your children you have to think about. Just remember the old saying 'you don't know what you have til it's gone' whether that applies to you, him or both when it's gone you CAN carry on , rebuild your life, be happy. No it really isn't anywhere near easy but it IS possible and you WILL have support here I promise you I will always have an ear open. Take care xxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks you two, SFH it's awful isn't it the way your emotions go one way then the next.
It's only been so lax with arrangements because I thought he wanted to be with ME too!
Also the kids haven't had him around for so long, it's nice for them & it's the holidays etc Also we get on fine, apart from when moose is mentioned!
He's just text me, He's got my DS a dvd he wanted & wants to know whether to drop it through the letterbox or wait til he sees him - I think wait, don't you? DS can wait a couple of days
Thanks swadey too!!
I'm listening to all of you honest, you're all helping me so much
No more booze Gert.......

robster1964

So sorry Kizzy that he has decided to put his selfish needs before his family and wife. As others have said it is time to put on a determined front, especially in front of him. No more Mrs Nice Guy.... He has to realise that with his decisions come the consequences. No free access to your home, set times to develop a new routine to see the children, that do not infringe on you. Removal of most of his stuff, and no considering his needs and feelings anymore.

This is going to be hard. But do not waiver. Once he sees that you are not so amenable, believe me the tide will turn.... He may not come back, but he will feel the loss of power, that will eventually wear away his ego....

You will probably find that he starts to evaluate what he has lost...

These things are never so cut and dried, but comfort yourself with this thought. If he doesn't come back, him and his man beast are starting off a relationship on the back of wrecking another. Guilt has a nasty way of eating into the most selfish of persons lives, and can ruin them. Think about it. How can a relationship really work with the reality of what he has sacrificed to see if the grass is greener. Every day he will be thinking about you and the kids, and feel guilty. Well good, let him feel like that. Keep your head held high and remember that you have had no part in something so destructive.

Treat em mean to keep em keen, maybe just a saying.... But there is a small amount of truth in it!

I am thinking about you Kizzy, take one day at a time, count your blessings and damn that man and his man beast (hopefully with a moustache, or at the very least facial hair!!!) to hell!

Robster x

Buffythedebtslayer

yep let him wait.

xxx

greeniegirl

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I've decided to use all my energy to make myself & the kids happy, I know initially I wanted to contact the husband, but I couldn't find out where they live & I'm glad I didn't really.
I'm not going to stoop to that level, I do feel sorry for the poor unsuspecting husband though, she's obviously been back home, so I expect she's slept with him too!! That doesn't seem to bother my husband though urrrggg it's all so seedy.
They are not my problem now, as long as he pays the mortgage & helps with the children - yes days will be sorted he won't just be popping in.
I'll be absolutely fine
Thank You all for all your kind words & encouragement you are :A

Kizzy,
it's great to see you leave a post like this, so positive! you are totally right. any energy spent thinking about them now, is energy you could have put inot yourself. It's good that you know the score now, rather than that horrible no man's land where you don't knmow anything..
Don't ever feel that anyone is laughing at you ( I knw you only dreamt it!) - if he can't take your interest in him as the biggest compliment ever then the laugh is on him. And suggesting that you have the power to push him to harm himself is crazy, he needs to take responsibility for his own emotions! anyway - Who says that to a wife they've just treated like dirt!!? the cheek!!

anyway enough time spent thinking about him, best of luck to you in your future, I've no doubt you'll find more happiness that you imagine and the same to others in the same situation

kizzykizzywizzy

Robster that's so funny!!!
Haven't text him yet, have just topped up my phone, yet another £5 has dissapeared, I talk TOO MUCH :rotfl:
Don't know what day to say about seeing kids? He's seen them so much, I feel inclined to give him a very lonely weekend & bank holiday!