Marriage over don't know where to start

tesuhoha

You see after what you've said to him, he's thinking you're the safe, old readily available doormat who will have him back anytime. There's no excitement in this for him when what he wants is the thrill of the chase. He knows that even if you act mean towards him he's only got to press a few of the right buttons and you'll be back as the adoring wife. You've got to be hard and keep it up even if he's sobbing his heart out. There is no way you can trust that man ever again and perhaps you should start acting like it. I'm being blunt I know but he's using you and treating you like a fool. He has told you in no uncertain terms his feelings for the other woman. I think you should start believing him. Your marriage has been a long one and its very difficult but I think you should listen to everyone who has told you to give him distance and treat him like the enemy he is who has betrayed you. He has shown no love for you in all that you have said about him.

I am so sorry to be nasty but I feel really annoyed at the way he is treating you and I feel that you are allowing it to happen by giving him access to yourself and your children. Sorry Kizzy you are a really nice person, obviously far too nice and its just not fair.

kizzykizzywizzy

No you are right, I know, I'm just someone who ( although not religious ) takes her marriage vows very seriously.
I doubt he'll text again today, if/when he does tomorrow, I'll say it had run out of charge & if he rings, I'll let it go to answerphone & say we were out.
As far as I'm concerned it's over, he's been so cruel, he would have to beg me & be perfect & do everything I wanted him to, for me to take him back & even then I'd remind him on a daily basis, of what he's done to me & the kids.
No way would he come back to the "put it in a box & not mention it wife "
He's pushed me too far - oooo I sound really mean:p

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

He has now text me - anything DD wants? So said can't think of anything.
Then he's phoned me to say he's seen some lil' loveables if she wants them!
What is it with him, now he won't leave me alone, yesterday he was ignoring me!

I'm starting to think he is manipulative...He wants the Moose and he was ignoring you yesterday coz he doesn't want to be pushed on the matter (cheeki hedge better!!) and now he has had to say where he stands again he also wants to make sure he can have his family there when he wants it.

Where is his heart? He leads you to believe there is a chance? Then when he tells you there is no chance he doesn't even give you space to come to terms with it because he needs his 'fix'. Arrggghh stupid selfish man.

Even though I was all for you trying to save your marriage I am now in the camp of let him feel the loneliness and take his power away. Make it clear that while yes you love him you do NOT like him anymore and you will cope without him. Tell him that although he obviously loves the children he puts HIMSELF BEFORE them and for that reason you have to step up to the plate and protect them and cushion them from as much of this as possible. So let him have a lonely weekend and you fill yours with the kids, friends, family, chocolate, wine whatever it takes to get through it.

KM x

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

No you are right, I know, I'm just someone who ( although not religious ) takes her marriage vows very seriously.
I doubt he'll text again today, if/when he does tomorrow, I'll say it had run out of charge & if he rings, I'll let it go to answerphone & say we were out.
As far as I'm concerned it's over, he's been so cruel, he would have to beg me & be perfect & do everything I wanted him to, for me to take him back & even then I'd remind him on a daily basis, of what he's done to me & the kids.
No way would he come back to the "put it in a box & not mention it wife "
He's pushed me too far - oooo I sound really mean:p

Positively viscious :rotfl:

tesuhoha

I agree. You've got to start looking after yourself now. I say this because I know you're already looking after the children. Give yourself some love and respect and time out if you can. Take care of number one because no one else is going to.

Buffythedebtslayer

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

I'm starting to think he is manipulative...He wants the Moose and he was ignoring you yesterday coz he doesn't want to be pushed on the matter (cheeki hedge better!!) and now he has had to say where he stands again he also wants to make sure he can have his family there when he wants it.

Where is his heart? He leads you to believe there is a chance? Then when he tells you there is no chance he doesn't even give you space to come to terms with it because he needs his 'fix'. Arrggghh stupid selfish man.

Even though I was all for you trying to save your marriage I am now in the camp of let him feel the loneliness and take his power away. Make it clear that while yes you love him you do NOT like him anymore and you will cope without him. Tell him that although he obviously loves the children he puts HIMSELF BEFORE them and for that reason you have to step up to the plate and protect them and cushion them from as much of this as possible.
So let him have a lonely weekend and you fill yours with the kids, friends, family, chocolate, wine whatever it takes to get through it.

KM x

what she said, especially the last bit.

tesuhoha

You're emotionally exhausted so put the kids to bed and try to put your feet up and relax.

scottishfreebiehunter

tesuhoha wrote: »

You're emotionally exhausted so put the kids to bed and try to put your feet up and relax.

me to ,poured a glass of wine and ready to scream

tesuhoha

Yes you too. Try to calm down and chill out.

elona

Kizzy

You could send positive thoughts towards DH and the moose!

For example "please let them get precisely what they deserve!!!";)

This game he is playing with you and the children is downright cruel.

How dare he just decide to play "Happy Families" for a few hours if he is at a loose end.

Presents do not make up for taking the children's feeling of security away from them, or for being cruel to their mother!