Marriage over don't know where to start

GeorgeUK

So that'll be 3 bloody marys and 1 JD then?

naughty Gert.

Forgetmenot68

Hi Kizzy, I'm sorry to hear about the recent developments. Regarding insurance money, I don't think suicide is a bar to them paying out, not that I'm saying you should encourage him! That is very low to say he would do that as he is the one who has caused this situation. Grrr.

Fmn xx

gratefulone

Hi kizzy. Sorry to hear that things have not worked out the way you wanted. Hard as it may be try to put some psychological distance between yourself and monkey wrench man! Although you wanted to reconcile and left your heart open and defences down, don't give him the power to decide your happiness. You are the mistress of your own destiny and you can chart your own new course. Take control of the situation, ensure you claim everything you are entitled to and rely on the support of your family and friends. This is the hardest time and things will improve. You are doing a great job - keep focused on those wonderful children and yourself. Be prepared for monkey wrench man to manipulate your feelings (and protect the children from him doing this to them) as he may be feeling desperate. His feelings are not your responsibility. Good luck and keep believing in yourself.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks guys, he's here now, he's cleaned up cat poo & fixed bike !!

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Kizzy how are you coping with him there? Has anything been said?
What is his attidude today?

Cat poo job is all he is worth at the minute!!

KM x

SuziQ

Kizzy don't forget once you are on certain benefits,he doesnt have to pay you any maintenance-the CSA may take months to assess him,he can legally have all his salary paid into his own account etc. You may think he would never do that-when couples split they do things that the other would never have dreamt they would do,survival of the fittest etc.If on income support you will only be able to keep £10 per week (£20 after October) so money IS going to be tight,but as you have been used to sticking to a budget you will be fine. My ex hasn't paid towards the mortgage since April-the courts aren't so biased towards the woman any more,I only got a straight 50% in my first divorce despite having the children and he has never paid a penny towards the kids since-11 years!
So take immediate action,get the best advice you can and then don't ever feel sorry for him as I have done with both my ex'es-it softens your resolve!

gerturdeanna

grrr - bank had linked my new single account to the joint account on internet banking which he has details for!! They've now changed all details. JSA has been paid into my account which I don't have pin number for!! Have requested new one - hurried up bank card and pin number for new single account.
Child Tax Credit had paid money into joint account even though recieved giros for single claim today!! Have told them off aswell and cleared the money out of that account!! Now have almost £400 in my purse and don't know where to stash it!! ARRRGGGHHH!!

kpwll

Hi kizzy,
I'm so sorry that he has hurt you and the children again. You've handled yourself brilliantly and fought for what you believed in. The regrets you will have are that things didn't work out, the regrets he will be left with are that he threw somebody and something wonderful away.
I know it's early days but the best revenge you can have is to have a better and happier life without him.
Thinking of you and wishing you well. xxxx

scottishfreebiehunter

gerturdeanna wrote: »

I would seriously think about limiting the time he has with the kids. Arrange for him to see them two evenings during the week and one full day at the weekend on the same days every week. The children need stability and routine. Thats what I will be doing when he eventually leaves!! And I personally would hold off on the divorce for a while. Just wait until your emotions have settled down a bit.

agree totally re divorce as that will not be happening for me either until i am ready

scottishfreebiehunter

SuziQ wrote: »

Kizzy don't forget once you are on certain benefits,he doesnt have to pay you any maintenance-the CSA may take months to assess him,he can legally have all his salary paid into his own account etc. You may think he would never do that-when couples split they do things that the other would never have dreamt they would do,survival of the fittest etc.If on income support you will only be able to keep £10 per week (£20 after October) so money IS going to be tight,but as you have been used to sticking to a budget you will be fine. My ex hasn't paid towards the mortgage since April-the courts aren't so biased towards the woman any more,I only got a straight 50% in my first divorce despite having the children and he has never paid a penny towards the kids since-11 years!
So take immediate action,get the best advice you can and then don't ever feel sorry for him as I have done with both my ex'es-it softens your resolve!

Sorry aint nit picking honest though i went to a solicitor and if he agrees to pay maintenance and mortgage etc etc and all in black and white it is easy for them to be taken to court etc,yes you cannot get blood out a stone but sounds like you will not have that problem as he will want to keep a roof over his kids heads.
I agree do not feel sorry for him but I am going to be slightly better off now with him paying mortgage,money for ds and my own money so can work that way also.

Thing is it does not bring them back