Marriage over don't know where to start

belfastgirl23

Kizzy just to say I think the thing about prearranged access etc is very important for the children and I think this is what you should stress to him. I think by the time they go back to school you should aim to be in a routine with access visits etc. They have had enough of things being all over the place and the best thing now is that they know what is happening and it's all nice and clear. This will help them with normalising the situation. It will also help you to be the best mum to them that you can since it is not good for you to be exposed too much to him at this time. I also think he should be looking at taking them out to give you a bit of a break to get things done around the house. I think if you're talking to him the important thing to do now is to focus on the needs of the children since you both agree that their happiness is now the biggest priority.

And I don't think you need to worry about your dignity. You've been faithful. You've been open and honest and decent with him. Which is a lot more than he has been with you. From the outside it seems pretty clear who has been undignified in this mess...

gerturdeanna

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I've decided to use all my energy to make myself & the kids happy, I know initially I wanted to contact the husband, but I couldn't find out where they live & I'm glad I didn't really.
I'm not going to stoop to that level, I do feel sorry for the poor unsuspecting husband though, she's obviously been back home, so I expect she's slept with him too!! That doesn't seem to bother my husband though urrrggg it's all so seedy.
They are not my problem now, as long as he pays the mortgage & helps with the children - yes days will be sorted he won't just be popping in.
I'll be absolutely fine
Thank You all for all your kind words & encouragement you are :A

You go girlfriend!!!! Yes Kizzy, the strong, intelligent, beautiful, dignifed, wonderful woman is back and here to stay? !!! AND DO NOT FORGET - YOU ARE THE BETTER PERSON HERE!! :T

kizzykizzywizzy

GBPF - Glad it all worked out for you, sounds like yours had a midlife crisis, so had no other distractions,bar having a single life, mines a cheat & has lied to me for months & continues to do so. I think we have crossed the point of no return now, after yesterday's performance, I don't want him back.
Need to go & get a shower, kids didn't get to sleep until 11pm!!!!!! so woke up late & I'm really behind.
I expect I'll be back soon

supersavershal

Great post by gloomy past great future.
Kizzy I echo what everyone has said about pre-arranged access, whilst you let him come and go at his leisure nothing has really changed.I know it is easy to let him do those annoying little jobs but you need to get to know how to do them yoursef, you probably allready can with him being away so long.
If he goes back to his mums with his £50 its not your problem, he chose to have his life like this.He wont be much of a catch for the homewrecker then will he.Dont feel sorry for him, he deserves everything he gets.The system in this country is biased towards families whos father have deserted them, thank god.They are his children he will have to provide, if he is short of money the moose will have to keep him.
He is getting less attractive by the minute.

kimlisa66

Hi Kizzy

I am sad in one way that you didn't get the outcome you wanted, but i'm also a great believer that things happen for a reason....and I just had a feeling, like some of the other posters have said, that he was hedging his bets between you and the Moose.

Reading between the lines I suspect the Moose was deciding whether to say with her husband or go with yours, and he was keeping his options open until she decided. It does sound like he knows what he wants to do with his life, even if its probably the biggest mistake he will ever make.

Well let him. You have the upper hand, you are now in control of your own destiny, you choose when, how, who and he can never play God with your emotions again.
He is a total sewer rat, giving you false hope like that. I want to string him up by his ba***ls but that would just make me feel better on your behalf. :-)

I like the idea of the private investigator bluff, you don't necessarily need to do it, but it might make him realise that you are taking control of the situation to suit you, not him.

Above all, enjoy your time with your children, that is something that is irreplaceable, and he will miss out on so much, just because he couldn't keep his pants on !!!!

I hope you do something lovely this bank holiday weekend with your children and take some time for yourself too to chill out and plan for your wonderful future.

K xx

Bargainfinder_3

Hi Kizzy, wasn't logged on yesterday; but just wanted to say I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted.
However you can hold your head up high, as you had the courage to tell him how you truly felt. He has thrown it back in your face, but you can now pick yourself up and get on with things.

I remember my mum delving into the washing machine a month after my dad left, because it was making a funny banging noise. She was crying her eyes out, "I will do this" and when she fixed it; after 2 hours covered in grease; she gave me a hug and said "There, that's the first feather in my cap, and I'm sure there will be many more".

Kiz, you will have many 'feathers' in your cap; become strong in your childrens eyes and learn how to do new things with them; so that you show you dont need him; although you are happy for them to need him. I understand what sfh was saying about them taking the good with the bad; but if you can cope without him (all 3 of you lovely ladies!) you will feel so much better; and you can hold your head up high.

I know that the hardest thing my mum has ever had to do was see us all go out with my dad and know that he was buying us stuff and giving us a lovely day out, and then back to her for the homework and the 'tidy your bedroom', but she always said kids spell LOVE "T I ME". I love and respect my mum; and so do my sisters; my dad is re-married (not to the one he ran off with!) and has 2 horrible teenage lads of hers to put up with; hardly sees his daughters at all; my younger sis' just ring him up for money!!

You will come out on top sweetheart xx

elona

Kizzy

I was about to say you are the better person but the scum sucking pond lifes actions do not make that much of a compliment.

I hope his ears drop off!

Actually I hope that something else drops off but can't type that on an open forum!

Kizzy you have more dignity than anyone I can think of as you tried everything to save your marriage and to protect your children.

You can hold your head high as you have not cheated or lied.

He needs to live as a single man with limited and agreed contact with his children so he knows what it is he has lost!

He really did not lose it - he trampled all over it and then threw it away!:mad:

You need to protect yourself and the children from more hurt and this "cat and mouse" game he has been playing is really cruel!!!!!

Make sure everyone knows you were willing to have him back and gave him more chances than most people would as I would not put it past him to tell them you threw him out, would not let him see the children would not talk to him etc.

He sounds like a spoilt attention seeking git at the moment. If he is threatening suicide then it might be better for him to see the children in a safe environment for both them and him!

I am so desperately sorry that my cynical thoughts about him were justified as I would have loved to be wrong!

Stupid thought but could you let the garage to someone else for the price you pay , or a bit more?

bank_of_slate

Hi all, especially Kizzy, SFH & Gertrudeanna

I haven't been on for a couple of days because of work and not feeling very well but now I've caught up.

Kizzy, You have total dignity intact! Now you know, you did everything in your control to keep the family together and can now move on with your successful life without the constant nagging of 'what if I'd tried?'

Gertrudeanna I'm waiting for the story of the crashed wedding reception in The Sun! hopefully her something blue will turn brown when she !!!!!! herself.

SFH How is your ds doing babe?

...Linda xx

Gloomy_Past_Bright_Future

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

GBPF - Glad it all worked out for you, sounds like yours had a midlife crisis, so had no other distractions,bar having a single life, mines a cheat & has lied to me for months & continues to do so. I think we have crossed the point of no return now, after yesterday's performance, I don't want him back.
Need to go & get a shower, kids didn't get to sleep until 11pm!!!!!! so woke up late & I'm really behind.
I expect I'll be back soon

Thanks Kizzy, It wasn't a mid life crisis he had, he now totally admits that while he thought he could come back whenever he pleased, he was quite happy to enjoy the batchelor/no responsiblities life and totally control what happened in my life too!

And Yes it did work for me, and may not work for everyone.

But guess what even if it didn't I would still have been fine, 3 months down the line after the break up and I was a very confident and strong person, and you will be too.

GPBF x

gerturdeanna

Am not having a good morning really - I was okay until the kids started playing up. He stayed out last night at his boss/friends house - his day off is today but he says he was going in to do overtime (unpaid as he is salaried). I didn't believe him so was on the phone to his work asking for him, he was there so I made up that the kids wanted to say good morning!! Playgroup was cancelled so we went to the supermarket instead - DS starts school in september so was trying to get him to get himself dressed, socks included!! Took 2 hours!! Was so frazzeled whilst going through the supermarket, was snapping at everyone including random people!! Hair looks a mess today!! Never looks the same as when the hairdressers do it!! I have plucked my eyebrows but after the whole morning we've had, we came back and I....had a glass of wine!!! OMG!! Have never drunk alcohol during the day!! I always wait till 7pm!! No matter how stressed I've been!!


Decided not to do anything about her and her wedding recp, although I may change my mind!!
Just fed the kids, don't want anything myself. Been looking at college courses I could do, so thats brightened me up a little. Although the one I really would like to do is £145 and thats discounted!! Its an accounting course - don't know whether I should do it though cos am thinking I will probably have to go bankrupt when he leaves!!
God, its like confession here!! heehee