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Marriage over don't know where to start
Comments
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I would seriously think about limiting the time he has with the kids. Arrange for him to see them two evenings during the week and one full day at the weekend on the same days every week. The children need stability and routine. Thats what I will be doing when he eventually leaves!! And I personally would hold off on the divorce for a while. Just wait until your emotions have settled down a bit.Made it - 15 years married!! Finally!! xx:beer:0
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Morning everyone
All I can say is keep on doing what you are all doing and you'll get there. Thanks for sharing your journeys with us.
Kizzy you DO still have your dignity intact, you tried to save your marriage, keep your childrens dad at home. Remember he has had some time for the trasition because he knew what was happening, you have had in dropped on you like a bomb and most people would act in panic. My opinion is you have been 'real' and true and now you know you will keep that dignity and direct it in another direction to sort your life out. I think it is going to be a shock to him to see you being distant, cold (however you now come across) etc because it sounds like he is used to knowing that you adore him. Well he will have to get his ego stroked elsewhere coz he has burnt his brdiges now me thinks!! Foolish man.
KM x0 -
thats in a way what i was trying to say gert, not allowing him to just walk in when he wants as kizzy will never have routine for herself either.
its so raw at the moment for her esp after last night i was thinking it would help if they had a couple of days together just her and the kiddies, getting someone other than him to mend the bike so little one can be use it, but giving her time without him calling and being there to put salt on already raw wounds.
i agree with fixed times, that way you have your own life too, you know when he will be calling and the rest of the time is well quite frankly yours and stops him dropping in just whenever he feels like it, which totally prevents moving on.
i hope i have said it right now i find it so difficult to type what i want to say!!self confessed 80's throwback:D
sealed pot challenge 2009 #488 (couldnt tell you how much so far as i cant open it to count it!!:mad: )0 -
Just another note about dignity... The Moose and him are the ones without dignity. His children will ALWAYS know he cheated on you (when they grow up I mean), he is threatening to kill himself (how dignified when he doesn't even mean it), she KNEW he had children and still went ahead, they were both married, he has said the MOST dreadful hurtful things to you and your children despite what he had done (bully)
Shall I go on? Who are the ones with no dignity intact?
KM x0 -
Kizzy,
Sorry it didn't work out for you, I just want to say...
He seems to be "planting the seed", about how little money he is going to have and realistically no man will be happy with £50 per week and living with his mum.
You did point out that when he came home he was going to do another secondment, and I think that his explaining to you now about having no money will then become his excuse for "needing" to go back.
Then he has everything back with the Moose again, perhaps also thinking in the back of his mind, he could probably also come back to you? So therefore having his cake and eating it!
I think you need to contact the "mooses' husband, and let him be aware or at least ring the ship and leave a message for her to the effect of, "Could you please let the moose know I am tracing her husband through a private investigator, just to keep him in the loop", many thanks Kizzy.0 -
Well looks like a little more talking needs to be done on both sides.. no shouting ! maybe he he feels he as a bit more freedom and thinks ? he needs the space .. or he may have really met another person!! and is trying to make things easy guilt ?.. it happens..
Try to sit down maybe meet some place away from the family home,, have a coffee and chat see how it works out from there.. good luck..0 -
Kizzy re the contact. I agree you maybe need to set a routine now for the children to see him. Although it may now come across as sour grapes because of what he said last night, it might look like you ussng the children against him. So while you 'have' to be reasonable with him coz of the money side of things I would have a 'business like' talk with him saying that the way things have been the last couple of weeks he has got your hopes up and the realisation was very hurtful and you feel that the children were/are thinking the same and the more they see him holding hands etc they are going to keep being hurt so for their sake you now need to set a routine to protect them from false hope etc.
That way he can't say you are changing things to be spiteful etc.
KM x0 -
I've decided to use all my energy to make myself & the kids happy, I know initially I wanted to contact the husband, but I couldn't find out where they live & I'm glad I didn't really.
I'm not going to stoop to that level, I do feel sorry for the poor unsuspecting husband though, she's obviously been back home, so I expect she's slept with him too!! That doesn't seem to bother my husband though urrrggg it's all so seedy.
They are not my problem now, as long as he pays the mortgage & helps with the children - yes days will be sorted he won't just be popping in.
I'll be absolutely fine
Thank You all for all your kind words & encouragement you are :AComping again - wins so far : 2 V festival tix, 2 NFL tix, 6 bottles of wine, personalised hand soap, Aussie miracle conditioner :beer:
Married my best friend 15/4/160 -
Kizzy,
I also want to make you aware of my past situation.
My husband and I split up a over a year ago, (no-one else involved), and I was like you, used to let him come and see my DD everynight, and then whenever he wanted at the weekend, he was living it up, partying every weekend, coming to me midweek for his dinner, and living a batchelor life at the weekend.
I was also like you, begged him to come back, he flatly told me No F...in way will I ever come back to you.. So that was it for me, I had begged him to come back for over 2 months, so I took hold of my life, removed all his pictures from the lounge, (gave the photos to him) sold everything of any value to get some money behind me, gave EVERYTHING of his back to him,
including CDs anything that even though it was "ours", he used it more.
Told him he couldn't just turn up at the house, told him he could see our DD two mornings per week before work (allowed in the house) and two evenings after work, (not allowed in the house) I also said that he could pick her up every Sunday at 7.30am! (That put a stop to his Saturday nights out!), and drop her off at 6pm. I would never let him step over the doorstep either.
I also stopped responding to his texts and stopped answering the phone, I told him I would only ring him if there was anything wrong with our DD and no other reason.
When I claimed IS, it was automatic they went to the CSA then.
All this absolutely shocked the hell out of him, as his "safe route" home, had vanished. He then seriously began to become a broken man. He then asked me 4 weeks later if we could get back together, I laid down terms and conditions, ie counselling etc, he flatly refused, so I said fine we will not get back together, a week later, he called in floods of tears, begging me to get back together, and he said he would accept any terms and conditions for us to get back together. We did get back together and are now rock solid and we couldn't be happier.
I am not saying that this will happen to you, but I am saying build YOUR life now, show him that you too are serious about splitting up, he has had his chance, now its time for you to make changes, he can no longer have the knowledge that "Good old safe Kizzy, will be there if it goes wrong".
And who knows what will happen?,
Good Luck for the future.
GPBF xx0 -
kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »I've decided to use all my energy to make myself & the kids happy, I know initially I wanted to contact the husband, but I couldn't find out where they live & I'm glad I didn't really.
I'm not going to stoop to that level, I do feel sorry for the poor unsuspecting husband though, she's obviously been back home, so I expect she's slept with him too!! That doesn't seem to bother my husband though urrrggg it's all so seedy.
They are not my problem now, as long as he pays the mortgage & helps with the children - yes days will be sorted he won't just be popping in.
I'll be absolutely fine
Thank You all for all your kind words & encouragement you are :A
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Move on and be strong. Draw your energy from the support you have on here, plus friends and family.£2 Coins Savings Club 2012 is £4.............................NCFC member No: 00005.........
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NPFM 210
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