Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

Thanks Fidget, I actually feel really pathetic cos of last night!! The rubbish I was writing!! OMG!! Sorry guys, must not drink so much!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Hope it got a few things out of your system!
Are you feeling ok today:p

MurrayMint

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Thanks MM for such a lovely pm , can't reply as you are barred from receiving PM's

Doh! Have rectified that now - sorry

scottishfreebiehunter

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Well originally he said we'll talk about it when I see you Thursday, but yesterday, whaen I said have you had chance to thing about things, he said can I have a bit more time please?
So who knows

Do not let him take to long about it kizzy as he is one who has been in wrong not you!
It has to be decided for youre own good and healthxxxxxxxxxx


still nothing from oh sick of him

greeniegirl

hi kizzy,

i just logged in to wish you the best for today.. SFH and Gert hope ye feel better as the day goes on..
I don't really think you should be the first to make contact today though as you just said if he's to come back , then it has to be for good.

I know if he wanted to come back you'd be delighted but I still think that a large degree of being sorry is required first - I don't see any of that now. Don't settle for less that you and the children are worth. A couple of months of loneliness now while things are resolved would be worth it down the line. Let him do the groundwork and initiate things, he caused the damage. I think you should take the advide of a couple of people here, going to Relate or a similar organisation to have a forum to discuss things.

I do hope things go well but remember that if you don't get back together you will cope and be happy in time.Look at all the inspirational stories of women here as evidence..

Pollycat

Well originally he said we'll talk about it when I see you Thursday, but yesterday, whaen I said have you had chance to thing about things, he said can I have a bit more time please?

Kizzy
I know how desperate you are to get things sorted out, but do try not to push him for a decision too much, before he's ready.

He's going through a bad time (not that he doesn't deserve to for one moment) and whatever decision he makes will have a massive impact on you all.
If he feels that you're backing him into a corner, he may go in the opposite direction to the one you want.
Imagine a cornered wild animal, if you back it into a corner the only option will be attack once it feels that wall behind its back.
If you want him back, you don't want to make him feel like that - it could have the opposite effect.

I agree with all the advice you've been given about making yourself look good to show him what he's thinking about giving up.

It's going to be a really tough evening for you, try to keep it light and don't come across as 'needy'.
Talk about what positive things you've done (maybe you're thinking about starting a course as someone on here has suggested), funny moments with the kids etc, maybe throw in a couple of 'Do you remember when...' if the situation is right.
Let him see an attractive person who is capable of standing on her own.

I wish you all the luck in the world with this.

Pollycat

Do not let him take to long about it kizzy as he is one who has been in wrong not you!
It has to be decided for youre own good and healthxxxxxxxxxx

I do appreciate what you're saying, sfh, but Kizzy has been very up-front in stating her wish to get her hubby back and I think that although my advice above may go against everything that is good for Kizzy, as well as against what all women think, I really do think it's sound advice in Kizzy's particular circumstances.

MurrayMint

Hi Kizzy,

I completely agree with Pollycat. You do need to do what's right for you, but that may mean doing what's best for your whole family (including DH). If that's your concious decision, then you are being empowered. I think you're in a different place to the very early panic when you felt the need to beg him to stay.

Ultimately I'm sure you'll know the best course of action for you.

(((hugs)))

gerturdeanna

Feeling loads better today - note to self-stop drinking so much!!
Been to see my income support people today and it works out I would be like £250 better of each week, if I was working 30 hours per week!! Starting to job hunt later!!
My mum treated me to a haircut so I have had it all chopped off!! He liked my hair long - hence the chop off - I prefer it short. The stylist asked me why I was going so drastic - so I started singing "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair"!!!! hehehe
Missed a call on my mobile - I entered a comp on Key 103 local radio a while back and I've won!!!!! AN AUDIENCE WITH GOK WAN!!! How amazing is that!!! hehehe
The Gert is back and looking forward to the future!!!!!

greeniegirl

Good for you Gerturdeanna! (how do you not get hangovers though!?)

I completely understand what people are saying about looking your best, etc. However only do it if it's to make You feel good and confident, not to show him what he's missing, try to be better than the woman he was with etc. The unfortunate reality is that he already knows what he's missing - how can you forget after 21 yrs?

At the end of the day you have to be true to yourself. You are what you are and trying to act a different way in order to get him back wont serve you well (not that i'm suggesting you are, just reacting to some of the posts!).

Another thing that occurred to me - would you consider trying to get counselling on your own, just to tease out all your thoughts and help you feel strong and optimistic again in your own right? anymore thoughts on returning to your job, good to see you say that actually (something just for you). anything you do just fr your own benefit can make you feel great