Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

Defo- look after yourself SFH!!

GirlRacer_2

Oh Kiz I really hope you manage to sort things out with your hubby. I can remember feeling as if my heart had been ripped out when I split up with hubby. Why do they always go for someone [STRIKE]uglier & fatter [/STRIKE]different to us :rolleyes:

You hear about it every day and you sympathise with people when it happens to them but you never really realise the full extent of how their feeling until it happens to you.

Carry on as you are, don't put pressure on him and continue to make yourself look beautiful. Even now I catch ex hubby looking at me in that way and I know for a fact he'd be back in a second if I wanted him to. He is one sorry and unhappy man.

Keep us posted on what happens today and good luck hunny x

louiser123

hi all,
i have been following this but never posted before.
i have every sympathy with you as i too sufferd this 10 yrs ago, hubby in new job high position, exellent salary, bimbo took a liking to him and the rest is history. he broke the news to me two days before xmas (although i knew really but had never known how to cope with it) he left and went to his mums. the usual followed mass loss of weight , depression ect.
all the time i was told the same he loved me always would but like you was confused, total mess with kids 9 and 12 at the time so old enough to understand. i did exactlly what everyone else is telling you to do, i got dressed up when i knew he was coming for the girls telling him i had a night out planned, was meeting someone (although it wasnt true i just got me nightie on once they had gone and sat and cried)

to cut a long story short 10 years on we are together and happier than we ever were, i know he would never do it again and if he did he knows he dont get another chance. it does raise its head sometimes i simply wont let him totally forget it but not in a bad way.

i never confronted the other woman except by phone and told her i was going to take great pleasure in letting her OH know about it , it scared her but i never did it why hurt someone else if it can be avoided never knew what happened to her .
hubby left his job asap, and bankruptcy followed due to lack of money but hey ho!!.

things can work out for the better, so good luck and you are in my thoughts x

JC67

Hi

I hardly ever post but like Louiser123, I also found out that my husband had cheated on me and 8 years later we are still together. We did separate for a while and I started getting on with my own life, lost weight, dressed better and looked after myself more.

I think when you have children (had 2 at the time and now have 3) you do neglect yourself and I know that I had become quite boring as my life revolved totally around family.

Kizzy I was like you, very impatient but I made it very clear to my husband that I would be ok without him and he was the one who asked to come back.

It is very hard to forgive and in the early days my emotions were all over the place. But I've never brought up the affair since we got back together.

Good luck Kizzy, you are in my thoughts too. But make sure you have a life of your own as well!

Keeping_Motivated

louiser123 thanks for posting your story I think it will give some people hope so thats great.

Believe me if you knew me you would know I would be the FIRST to say don't go back move on etc if he was a complete rat, serial cheater etc but a man who is a good character with a good track record is surely entitled to make amends for what he hass done and be given the benefit of the doubt to be trusted again. I am not bitter against men at all because I believe women do the same sort of things so why should men get the slating in general.

I go off integrity and honesty as a whole I don't judge people on one mistake even if its a whopper because we are all human.

Its hard to explain in words like this what I mean, I'm not a soft person so please don't think I think men or women should be allowed to walk over us I just think EACH situation has to be judged on its own rather than a mass 'Get rid he's a man etc' type of attitude.

Plus I'm a sucker for a happy ending

Bargainfinder_3

It's so lovely to hear your stories Lousier and JC xx

Keeping_Motivated

JC67 I'm pleased you got a happy ending too. I agree Kizzy and the others should have more of an independent life too no matter what the end outcome is.

I believe Kizzy has done the right thing putting her cards on the table. I also feel she should say to him that she will not play games and he now knows fully how she feels however if he doesn't want her back she WILL/CAN move on so he doesn't think she can't cope without him its just that she doesn't want to cope without him, there is a difference and he needs to know this!!

Kizzy I've said it before and I KNOW its an awful time to think of this but please enrol on a course, it will be free, it will get you 'away' for a few hours and it will be building a future career whether you are with him or not this will help you. It doesn't have to be a heavy course, maybe look into class room assistant? The first levels of class room assistant won't be too hard.I'm thinking working in a school would suit you again due to the holiday and hours etc.

Just something to think about.

KM x

GirlRacer_2

Such lovely stories from Lousier & JC. My ex also carried on early on in our marriage and I forgave him. Everyone makes mistakes as long as its only the one. I made it clear to hubby that I forgave him the once but if he ever did it again he wouldn't get another chance. After the first affair we stayed together for 6 years. It wasn't fabulous, I must admit, as he always worked away, the suspicion was always there for me. Saying that I don't regret the 6 years we made it work....

Hubby always earned good money and he thought that to show me he loved me he'd book fantastic holidays and buy me expensive gifts - how wrong he was. The only thing I really wanted when we were married was a normal married life where both partners respected each other. I always felt my marriage was one-way.

You've had 21 years of marriage and even though like all marriages you've had your ups and downs you've got a good basis for it to work. Just be patient and if he does agree to come back try your hardest not to mention it again. Draw a line under it as a big mistake that he's made and look to the future. x

kizzykizzywizzy

No text yet - starting to panic

poppyg_2

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Hi so much has happened today.
He came around to see the kids, was a bit grumpy has had a hard day at work, I was a bit grumpy, due to being upset about solicitors. Had a few snaps at each other re money situation.
Rang him on his mobile whilst he was walking home, seems to be the only way we can talk - on the phone, I after a bit of a row about money & stuff he said there is NO WAY we can get back together, so of course I lied & said i don't want to anyway! I said I'm going now & put the phone down. Rang my sister in floods of tears & missed a call to my mobile it was him. I rang him back & he said sorry for shouting, I also got it out of him that he finished with the moose :T & he was on his own. I told him that he has been a brilliant husband, father & my best friend for 21 years I love him dearly & didn't want to give that up for a few months of him making a mistake - I swore on our childrens lives that I would NEVER mention anything about it ever, even in an argument, because I love him so much I can forgive him.
He was crying his eyes out by now & said we'll talk about it next time we see each other, which isn't until Thursday:o he was going around his friends house, to talk if he needed to, but this friend doesn't pressurise him to talk if he doesn't want to. I used to go to school with this friend so he knows me very well too, so hopefully he will talk some sense into him.He also said everyone knows what a beep I've been, I said no-one would do anything to ruin it for us everyone wants us to be together, they don't want the family split, & i don't care if they say I'm stupid, they aren't me.
So I've laid my cards on the table & now just have to wait............ fingers legs eyes & toes crossed

Kizzy, I am really keeping my fingers crossed for you xx x