Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

We're doing a 'trial seperation' - not even comtemplating divorce myself yet!! Gonna give him time to sort his head out and then see what happens - 10 years and two kids is a lot to throw away lightly

Rikki

gerturdeanna wrote: »

We're doing a 'trial seperation' - not even comtemplating divorce myself yet!! Gonna give him time to sort his head out and then see what happens - 10 years and two kids is a lot to throw away lightly

You can't make it work if only one of you is trying.

If its worth fighting for the give it your best shot and fingers crossed it all works out.

I really hope you all don't go through the wringer like I did, but normally when there is another women involved the chances of staying together or even you wanting him to stay are drastically changed.


NB: These comments are not directed at you personally gerturdeanna or any of you in this unfortunate situation I'm just generalizing problems people in this situation may encounter.

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi so much has happened today.
He came around to see the kids, was a bit grumpy has had a hard day at work, I was a bit grumpy, due to being upset about solicitors. Had a few snaps at each other re money situation.
Rang him on his mobile whilst he was walking home, seems to be the only way we can talk - on the phone, I after a bit of a row about money & stuff he said there is NO WAY we can get back together, so of course I lied & said i don't want to anyway! I said I'm going now & put the phone down. Rang my sister in floods of tears & missed a call to my mobile it was him. I rang him back & he said sorry for shouting, I also got it out of him that he finished with the moose :T & he was on his own. I told him that he has been a brilliant husband, father & my best friend for 21 years I love him dearly & didn't want to give that up for a few months of him making a mistake - I swore on our childrens lives that I would NEVER mention anything about it ever, even in an argument, because I love him so much I can forgive him.
He was crying his eyes out by now & said we'll talk about it next time we see each other, which isn't until Thursday:o he was going around his friends house, to talk if he needed to, but this friend doesn't pressurise him to talk if he doesn't want to. I used to go to school with this friend so he knows me very well too, so hopefully he will talk some sense into him.He also said everyone knows what a beep I've been, I said no-one would do anything to ruin it for us everyone wants us to be together, they don't want the family split, & i don't care if they say I'm stupid, they aren't me.
So I've laid my cards on the table & now just have to wait............ fingers legs eyes & toes crossed

greeniegirl

aw poor you kizzy..
focus on the positive, he's finished with her.. least that's one nasty thing out of the equation and he made that decision.
now you'll know one way or the other.you've tomorrow to clear your head and sort out what you want to say and how you're going to say it.
who'd say you're stupid? to hell with anyone like that. plan something nice to tomorrow and make sure you've someone around you thurs.

Keeping_Motivated

Oh kizzy that made me cry but I am so glad you have put your cards on the table. Oh and the Moose is history AMEN to that.. good riddance to the selfish, home wrecking bleep!!

I will be keeping everything crossed for you.

Is it ever possible for you to get a babysitter? I wondered if you and him could go for a drink on Thursday so you can talk away from the kids and no one can shout in public (hopefully). You could put it to him that you NEED to talk even if its over but he accused you both of not talking and you don't want to end it without talking at least now. I just think its so hard to keep doing this with the kids around or while on a phone.

KM x

gerturdeanna

Oh Kizzy!! I do hope it works out for you - seems like he is starting to see the error of his ways - but don't promise what you can't keep - I know I will never be able to forget about whats gone on but I would try my best to bring it up all the time.
Rikki, I know it has to go both ways and at the moment he doesn't want to try -I wanted to, I asked him to stop texting this other girl and to stop lying to me - he said he couldn't/wouldn't - so I'm not going to be disrespected liek not - I am not a mug nor a doormat !!! I am a strong (now independant) woman!! - to be honest, I was feeling a bit sad and lonely whilst posting that before but you know, seen as he has been in 'his - (my sons) bed since 4pm and hasn't ironed his shirt for morning - I don't really give a monkeys at the moment!!

Ellidee

Aww kizzy will keep everything crossed for you too. XX

Skint_Lynne

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Hi so much has happened today.
He came around to see the kids, was a bit grumpy has had a hard day at work, I was a bit grumpy, due to being upset about solicitors. Had a few snaps at each other re money situation.
Rang him on his mobile whilst he was walking home, seems to be the only way we can talk - on the phone, I after a bit of a row about money & stuff he said there is NO WAY we can get back together, so of course I lied & said i don't want to anyway! I said I'm going now & put the phone down. Rang my sister in floods of tears & missed a call to my mobile it was him. I rang him back & he said sorry for shouting, I also got it out of him that he finished with the moose :T & he was on his own. I told him that he has been a brilliant husband, father & my best friend for 21 years I love him dearly & didn't want to give that up for a few months of him making a mistake - I swore on our childrens lives that I would NEVER mention anything about it ever, even in an argument, because I love him so much I can forgive him.
He was crying his eyes out by now & said we'll talk about it next time we see each other, which isn't until Thursday:o he was going around his friends house, to talk if he needed to, but this friend doesn't pressurise him to talk if he doesn't want to. I used to go to school with this friend so he knows me very well too, so hopefully he will talk some sense into him.He also said everyone knows what a beep I've been, I said no-one would do anything to ruin it for us everyone wants us to be together, they don't want the family split, & i don't care if they say I'm stupid, they aren't me.
So I've laid my cards on the table & now just have to wait............ fingers legs eyes & toes crossed

Kizzy,

I don't want to get your hopes up but I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. He might not say lets get back together on Thursday but it all sounds positive, he has got rid of the moose (she man), so that is a big bonus. He knows how much of a beep he's been, that's good as well. I'm praying that things will go your way, he knows he's made a mistake and you are adult enough not to cast it up to him every 5 minutes.

I'm thinking of you.

SL x

kimlisa66

Hi Kizzy

Oh this all sounds so familiar...this is exactly what happened to me and my Ex...he split from the bit on the side when they got caught.....and at the time he was grumpy, morose, hostile and tearful. He maintained he didn't want to get back with me either.

Its a different story now mind you, but I could never ever trust him again, it wasn't just the affair, there are a hundred and one things that he would need to change but I know that's not going to happen.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, I just want to wave a magic wand and make it all ok for you....he might come round and decide that he was an idiot and pick up where he left off, I hope so for all your sakes as its clearly what you want.

Best of luck

Kim

belfastgirl23

Hi Kizzy

Just a wee line to say if things do work out (and I really really hope for you that they do) I'd strongly recommend Relate or something similar (some churches do this as well for example). I really admire your determination to keep things together and I know you'll be able to follow through on it. But I also know from experience how tough it is and how much of a cost it has on you as a person. I think having an opportunity to talk stuff through in a structured way would really benefit both of you. At the end of the day you both need to talk about this so you can understand why it happened and prevent anything like it ever happening again. Once the terror subsides you'll need this. And I think it's much easier if you have a place to talk about it in a supported way, otherwise it will just come out sideways as aggression about not putting the lid on the toothpaste or whatever...

Sorry if this sounds negative but again it's based on sore experience...

And lots of luck, I really am hoping for a happy ending for you all