Single and in debt.

findingmyownway

Hi guys

Another singleton here reporting for duty
25yo, been single for 7 months after found out boyfriend of 7 years was cheating on me :rolleyes:

Anyway, it took a while to get used to but i am reasonably happy with how things are at the minute. Although i do miss men!! (well, a man, i'm not greedy lol).

I have a great job, lots of fab friends, hardly ever spend nights in on my own but there's always that little something missing - from reading through here i can see some of you feel the same.

You all seem very friendly on here

Lula-Hula

Hey everyone,

seems like lots of you fabulous peple are needing a big old dodgy :grouphug:. I realise my perspective on being single is different from those who don't yet have children & I often ponder on how I would feel if I were in that situation, I honestly sympathise with you & all I can offer by way of solace is that already having a child actually brings a different set of challenges to being single & potential relationships :rolleyes: .

Although I dont have an ex to interfere & take into consideration re child issues, it also means that I have become increasingly independent & self reliant over time. I already have a home, job, car, child & can manage all my responsibilities very well. I think some of the men I've dated have felt rather 'superfluous' & the others have just taken full advantage of the set up :rolleyes: . To be honest I cant actually see myself in a relationship with anyone unless they are / have been in a similar situation. I'm not looking to meet, marry, reproduce & settle down & that discounts a large proportion of available males.

I do know what you mean about being in a rut though Sarah, I yearn for change & excitement in my life, new friends, experiences & adventures. I just cant wait to clear my debts so I can start doing it all, my main aim for the next year is to have a lot more fun & live for the moment as much as I can within my teeny weeny budget .

RosaBernicia

Thank you all for posts, more :grouphug: all round. I have been reading and doing rather a lot of thinking. And some grumbling, which was just going to keep on computer but just in case it might amuse anybody else...

Rant 1: You’re single? Really?
I am really tired of hearing this every time someone asks if I have a partner. I am not going to tell lies so I just say ‘no, not at the moment’, and this is the reaction I get. Bemused face, quick thinking going on behind, then this. Well it is starting to annoy me so much that I have started saying ‘what’s that supposed to mean?’ and all I seem to get is ‘oh I just wouldn’t have thought you would be’. OK so I am reasonably attractive, intelligent and kind, yet I happen to be single. Presumably this just shocks people into confusion while they try to work out what terrible deviancy I am hiding .

Rant 2: Being single does not mean I am selfish or a career maniac
I totally understand what Sarah and Buffy have said about wanting to someone to share things with, but the other thing for me is I want someone to do things FOR. I miss having someone to focus on as well as to lean on, someone beyond my own little life. I don’t need someone to support me financially – I decided a long time ago that I wanted to know that if necessary, I could support myself and someone else and that's why I’ve taken up the opportunities I’ve had and it's why I want rid of my debt. I remind myself of it every time I have to do something new and scary at work, I say to myself that it might not mean much now but one day I might be grateful to have that experience on my CV, it might make a difference to being able to support someone I love (and I don't care how "unfeminine" certain people seem to think that is). I know I am really lucky to be able to do this and yet I am still feeling sorry for myself that I have a big career/ life decision to make and the only person I have to take into account is me. That is NOT what I intended to happen, it’s not why I do what I do, and I would happily fit my life in with someone else's if I could just find the person I want to fit with!

Well I have no idea where I was going with any of that but glad to have got it off my chest so thanks for the vent space. Welcome to the thread new guys :hello:

Rosa xx

Buffythedebtslayer

evening ladies, and the random brave gents we have showing up!

I have joined the get it done thread and have my week all mapped out, plus I have decided to pick a one of those (irritating) self help book and actually follow it between now and Christmas! I mean what if one actually works!

I also read my diaries today whilst I was clearing out, I am in such a rut I could have photocopied my diary !

so here is not to being in a rut. Next Weekend I am going to go some where new in London.

so there. not much but its a start.

xxxxx

RosaBernicia

JoannaKay -

The MBTI personality index is great and it's also a great way to get into Jungian psychology. I'm an INFP btw

ooh good I have been meaning to read Jung for ages but then again I have a 3 foot stack of things I've been meaning to read first! If you have any particular recommendations please post! (or pm me if we're boring the others!). I'm an INFJ... rare type apparently... and apparently we all feel like freaks til we find that out :rotfl:

Buffy -

Next Weekend I am going to go some where new in London.

Any particular kind of where that you want? (I lived in London til recently and still go quite a lot so have a few favourite places you might like.)

Rosa xx

eco

hi All,
Just caught up with you all, I'haven't got the internet at home at the mo, and it's only now I realise what I've missing out on reading and contributing to.
I agree with Rosa the number of people who can't beleive I'm single and won't settle for second best, one of the drivers once said I would find it hard to find a bf cos I have my own house and car, I look like I don't need anyone, the price you pay to be a little bit independant I guess, but it's really annoying, my ex once said befor he went that I'd manage really well without him and although he was right I played it down, how right he was, there that's my rant for today.

Lula-Hula

This is a bit random but, just been chatting to spanish meter installer who couldnt believe I was single :rolleyes: & said that I should go for a latin type as they're so macho wouldnt be put off by my independence; would just try harder to impress & provide rather than british types who are quite happy to let women do most of the providing/ looking after . Before I get complaints from all british males on the boards those were his views rather than mine, although from past experience I tend to agree :eek: .

Nothing wrong with being independent eco, that's what we get for all that feminist uprising in the 60's ; yeh, now we get to do it all, thanks :rolleyes: .

bathgatebuyer

sarahb123 wrote: »

What a thoughtless thing to say! I think people tend to assume single women in their 30s just aren't interested in marriage or relationships. Some of us aren't and some of us are! I'm sure people think the same of me as I hardly spend my time at work bemoaning being single. It's annoying when people make assumptions about it.

It says more about them and how they live their life than me! I know some people who cannot face being withouta partner. I knew a girl at Uni who was like that. There was always an overlap in her relationships as she would never end one to move onto the other - she always hedged her bets until the next relationship had a reasonable degree of commitment involved and she would break it off with the other guy. Something I always found distateful and extremely devious.

The 'anti-romantic' comment peeved me off as it just showed that someone really didn't know me. I think I'm reasonably romantic particularly when it comes to things like songwriting which I've done for about 25 years now (and I'm 32 - I dread to think back to some of the earlier ones ). All my pastimes are very creative in that they are musical or artistic and I would like to think that many of these things come from deep within me and are an expression of myself. In many respects, I'm a really complex person full of hang-ups, mistrusts, daydreams, talents and ambitions, but just because I don't read Mills and Boon seems to have mistakenly led a colleague to ignore that which is the very fundamental part of me which is my creative and emotional side.

Funny how people you think know you, really don't. What was interesting is that maybe that is the way that I am interpreted by everyone I meet.

Yours,

Bathgatebuyer - the cold fish!


P.S. Lula-Hula, I know exactly what you mean about independence!

eco

Lula, I never thought about Italians, trouble is I don't know any, there's some polish guys live across the road, they always say hello, but I think most polish people are polite, there probably wondering why there sharing a house and I live alone with 2 dogs, they probably think I'm loaded.
BGB a lot of people just assume they know you, when really we all shouldn't assume anything cos it will always be wrong.

sarahb123_3

Lula-Hula wrote: »

This is a bit random but, just been chatting to spanish meter installer who couldnt believe I was single :rolleyes: & said that I should go for a latin type as they're so macho wouldnt be put off by my independence; would just try harder to impress & provide rather than british types who are quite happy to let women do most of the providing/ looking after

Ooh, I think you are so right Lula, British men are put off sometimes by independence, I suppose if we are not the helpless female type it can come across as not needing anyone. Why can't they see there is a difference between needing and wanting? You would think being independent would be seen as a strength

*rushes off to add "Italian" to wish list*