Single and in debt.

sarahb123_3

Lula-Hula wrote: »

Hi sarah,

with regard to your life not moving on how about this : I've just taken DD to her swimming class & there was a woman there I remembered from a year ago but havent seen since. She was talking to another woman & she was still going on about her miserable husband & how to sort out the house & finances & children & divorce.

It was like being in a timewarp, a year gone by & this poor woman had nothing else to talk about other than how her husband would want to read all the messages on her new phone :eek: . I snuggled into my book & sat smugly while the others moaned about their OH's, I truly love being single .

Will probably be back later but now waiting for lovely man to come buy my car, wish me luck

lula

I still can't make myself think I love being single, but I am feeling more comforable with it. I can see the positives in not being stuck in a relationship that has taken over a year to get out of. What a waste!

I just think in terms of everything though, not just relationships, but job, renting, money etc, I just feel so stuck. Nothing seems to change. Everyone is overtaking me. And I can't see how they do it. Can't get a house, can't afford it. Can't change jobs, am relatively well paid. Can't seem to meet someone, don't know how or where. I hold myself back because I just get too anxious about some things, i.e turning up somewhere by myself. I have the same small group of friends I have had for ages. Everything just stays the same. I am truly in a rut.

sarahb123_3

mammamia2 wrote: »

evening all !

Think you are all reading my mind . I love being on my own in terms of i can do what i want when i want and obviously i only have myself to argue with and i enjoy raising DD on my own but it is the times when i feel down ,or had a crap day at work or i am ill is when i feel particularly lonely and would like to have a hug and share things with someone .

I too am not at my best and that is due to years of trying to make a relationship work when there was nothing there to work with . It is the good old saying if you look good you feel good and it is the feel good factor that attracts the right one so for me i am gonna get myself back to my best for when mr right turns up (gonna have to talk to him about his time keeping he is already 6 years late:rolleyes: )

so even though my life stnds still and everyone around seems to be living a fantastic life i know that my turn has not come yet
and when it is my turn i want the pink haze ,rose petals falling from the sky and romantIc music playing in the background :rotfl: :rotfl:

Exactly. It shouldn't be true, but unfortunately it is. It's like when people say, "just be yourself," I know what they mean but I want to be the best version of myself I can possibly be. When I look good I feel good, and I do think that is important in attracting the right one. So I am stuck in the "I need to lose weight, I need my clothes to fit, then I will feel better and more confident, then the right one will come along, ooh those cakes look nice, I need to lose weight..." cycle. I know what I need to do and how, but I just seem to keep sabotaging myself.

Buffythedebtslayer

sarahb123 wrote: »

I still can't make myself think I love being single, but I am feeling more comforable with it. I can see the positives in not being stuck in a relationship that has taken over a year to get out of. What a waste!

I just think in terms of everything though, not just relationships, but job, renting, money etc, I just feel so stuck. Nothing seems to change. Everyone is overtaking me. And I can't see how they do it. Can't get a house, can't afford it. Can't change jobs, am relatively well paid. Can't seem to meet someone, don't know how or where. I hold myself back because I just get too anxious about some things, i.e turning up somewhere by myself. I have the same small group of friends I have had for ages. Everything just stays the same. I am truly in a rut.

I feel the same, my new low point was when the cab driver who brought me home from Christmas shopping asked what I was doing with my saturday night - I said wrapping presents , I am not, but I didn't want to say staying in watching tv, cos that's all I ever do!

Life is not a competition, its not a race its a series of experiences. I was having a similar conversation with my friend last night. If nothing changes nothing changes.

Perhaps we need to get back to that challenges thing we used to do?

ok, off the top of my head lets try something new - out of the normal routine, I am kinda busy (unusally!) during the week but next weekend I shall plan a trip - alone somewhere new.

take care xxxxx

skint_spice

The challenges thing sounds a good idea Buffy but I'm not going back on okcupid!

fluffthecat

Hi Sarah,

I've been through it all today, cried, miserable, lonely, felt stupid...etc Not much sleep as well. But so glad I joined this website and found everybody so helpful with lots of advice. I'm single too and have gone through this horrible financial problem all by myself until today really. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, It will probably take me until I'm 60 before I pay it all off! Stay tuned to this site and you will find like minded friends. Fluff

Buffythedebtslayer

skint_spice wrote: »

The challenges thing sounds a good idea Buffy but I'm not going back on okcupid!

Oh dear God No!

Have had enough of nutters and wierdos telling me "you pwretty lady" and making suggestions of a suss nature.

I was thinking more (possibly sadly) of getting on a bus, visiting a new town or going to a museum, perhaps going to the sea or sometihng like that.

I want to go to Paris but I will save that for next year.

am pondering this whole getting fit loosing weight thing. I wondering if it is possible to become a health freak when you are a size sixteen sofa loving bird.

ho hum.

xx

sarahb123_3

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Life is not a competition, its not a race its a series of experiences. I was having a similar conversation with my friend last night. If nothing changes nothing changes.

I know, but it just seems that everyone else is having the experiences I want! I just think, is there a point when people who never marry realise they are always going to be alone, or does everyone keep trying to the bitter end? What if I am always going to be by myself but I just haven't realised it yet? What if I meet someone when I'm 50? I don't want to miss my chance of having children. I know I have time left, but what if there isn't enough time left?

Do people think to themselves, "how do I change this?" Because it seems to me that I don't know anyone who is married or in a relationship, who decided things needed to change, made changes and met someone. Everyone just seems to meet someone. How are they doing this? Is there something I don't know/can't see? Why is it so hard? I literally cannot see a way through this for me. I cannot see things changing. I want everything and I can't see a way to get it. I don't even know what changes need to be made. There are not many ways for a 30something woman to meet someone.

God I'm cheery tonight.:rolleyes:

Buffythedebtslayer

sarahb123 wrote: »

I know, but it just seems that everyone else is having the experiences I want! I just think, is there a point when people who never marry realise they are always going to be alone, or does everyone keep trying to the bitter end? What if I am always going to be by myself but I just haven't realised it yet? What if I meet someone when I'm 50? I don't want to miss my chance of having children. I know I have time left, but what if there isn't enough time left?

Do people think to themselves, "how do I change this?" Because it seems to me that I don't know anyone who is married or in a relationship, who decided things needed to change, made changes and met someone. Everyone just seems to meet someone. How are they doing this? Is there something I don't know/can't see? Why is it so hard? I literally cannot see a way through this for me. I cannot see things changing. I want everything and I can't see a way to get it. I don't even know what changes need to be made. There are not many ways for a 30something woman to meet someone.

God I'm cheery tonight.:rolleyes:

I am SO glad I am not the only one who thinks like that. I know its not overwhelmingly positive but i can't help it. Out of all my friends there is only one other who is single, most are married and that one single one is well I tihnk confused about her sexaulity and career obssessed because of it.

To me it seems ridiculous that such an important decision is left up to chance a meeting in a pub bumping in to some one, random accidents seem to equal happiness??

I don't even know what 30' somethings wear these days! let alone where to go out!

In fact Sarah I may as well of hilighted your entire post, I understand so clearly, I could have written it myself.

I can see a way out of debt, I can see away of having a better social life - making more effort to see my friends learn to drive and do more stuff in general instead of for example sitting at home on saturday night!

But the bloke thing really gets me. I feel so much like I am past my best, everything is sagging (tmi!) and suddenly I notice how fat I am. and I think I will never meet anyone. Then I think I should concetrate on my career but the way teaching is going? no thanks!

so I see my friends have babies be busy with the school run and then wonder what happens to me? who do I call in a crisis? who do I tell about my day? how do I make this work? and to be brutally frank why isn't there someone for me?

from an equally cheerful buffyxxx

sarahb123_3

Same here, I was going to quote you but I would have had to highlight the whole thing, as there is not one bit that doesn't apply to me. When is my chance meeting going to be? What if there never is one?

I don't want to have to pretend I am obsessed with my career to cover up the fact that I can't get a man. Which is what it boils down to. Obviously I can get one, what I mean is I can't get a decent one. What I mean is I can't even find a decent one, never mind actually get one.

I don't want to lower my standards just to get a man. And they are not even massively high standards. Clever and kind. That's it. I would rather be single and keep looking and admit defeat than settle for someone I don't want and have to call off the search. Because I would always wonder.

But I don't want to be single and keep looking and admit defeat. I want to be having babies and doing the school run. I want someone who is on my side. I want someone who is outraged on my behalf if I am upset. I want someone to wait up for me. I want someone to make me a cup of tea. I want there to be some point to having nice underwear. And I have had to temporarily call of the search because I need to get myself sorted out first. Which is taking forever.

Am so sick of everything. Sick of it. But I will carry on and pretend everything is ok like I always do. Because it doesn't much matter if everything is ok or it isn't. I carry on regardless.

Not sure what brought this rant on.

insider66

wow ladies,
i know what you mean, only i'm a guy.
at 42 i am starting to think maybe i should have stuck with the ex wife!

no, no, no... wash my mouth out..... that would have been worse