Single and in debt.

sarahb123_3

Aww, Bowski, thank you so much! I'm glad someone read through it, I felt I was just rambling! Invites to the wedding? You are top of my list:D

I know what you mean about people stuck in relationships to avoid living alone. That is the one thing that makes me relieved to be single. I just couldn't do it. Would rather be on my own.

Make sure you have a good time in Wakefield. We want a full report!

Sarah xxx

bathgatebuyer

It's funny but of the last of the group of women who were in my year at Uni, I'm the last one 'on the shelf' 32 years old and I'm sure some people consider that I'm passed it, but I couldn't care less. Other people's opinion of me being single is usually their problem and not mine.

My best mate is a girl I met at Uni and she got married about 11 years ago in a huge wedding at the Cameron House Hotel in Loch Lomond (very plush!). Did I go? No. She sent me an invite which said, "Bathgatebuyer and partner" and when I did go to the hassle of arranging a date (a mate who's as camp as a row of big camp tents on a camp site) she said, "Oh I knew you had no one to bring and probably wouldn't come so took your name off the list". The assumption was that being single would stop me being there:rolleyes: I'm happy to stand in a corner with my diet coke and watch the world go by. I don't need a man there to chaperone or feed me compliments all night.

Sure life gets lonely at times, but I've made myself incredibly ill in the past worrying about being lonely, and fretting about seeing other people lives develop while mine seems to stay in one place all the time. I see friends who are married with kids and seemingly complete lives, but for me, trying to attain that has at times made me ill with worry about whether I'm good enough for anyone, wonder why no one wants me, wonder why I seem to be the one with no one to share gigs / cinema / shopping / holidays / lunch / dinner / walks with. I literally do everything on my own, but it means that my life is being lived me way. I don't have to compromise for anyone. All worrying about being single made me was very depressed and very ill and I'm not going to do that by hankering for the things other people have.

It hit home with me when I met a friend I haven't seen in about a year. I thought she had the perfect life - lovely husband whom she'd known 25 yrs, 2 little kids, nice home, plenty of exotic holidays......................................and then she told me they'd split up after finding out her husband had a baby with another woman :eek: And this was the perfect life I thought I wanted?! Thankfully she seems to be coping really well, but I can't help but wonder how much time I have wasted trying to be like her and all along, even she hadn't known how fake her marriage was. I would never trust any man enough to have children with - if that sounds a bit sad, then so be it.

DebtFreeDan

Thanks for the welcome Rosa and Bowski

Just for the record I'm single too, have been for the last 2 years and I do agree with what some of you say in this thread about being happier on your own and being independant and in control. It's just sometimes that it's nice to share and discuss the idea of being in debt with someone you can trust - I find it hard to bring the subject up with friends and even family.

Sarah you're right, there's nothing to be embarrassed about at all in terms of being single, I guess we all need to find someone thats compatable and right for us... and if that person isn't there, then what's the point in trying with the wrong person and being even more unhappy!!

My problem is I always imagine that no-one is going to want to attempt a relationship with someone who's in a bit of a mess, doesn't have a car, house, no savings etc... infact I read about the suggestions of looking for 'mr rich' which backs up my argument in a way!! :rotfl:
I guess eventually I'd like to be in a position to go on holiday, go out for meals, go for long weekends and have fun with that someone special but at the moment because of my financial situation it's just impossible!! I'm sure others must feel this way too?

Lula-Hula

Hi & welcome Bathgate & Dan,

gosh everyone was really pouring their hearts out last night & I damn well missed it all, but I agree with everyone that basically it is far healthier to be single & happy rather than half of a miserable couple - believe me I know because I've tried it both ways :rolleyes: .

Dan & Sarah I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be 'sorted' (as well as fabulous which of course we already are ) which is one of my reasons for not wanting to get seriously involved with anyone. I certainly wouldnt reject a man on the grounds that they had no house or car, the point is that they would be trying to improve their situation. Frankly after my last 2 xbf's just a guy that actually keeps a job would be an improvment :rolleyes: .

Bowski, I am so excited for you & your night out, I actually cant remember the last time I had one of those .

Right, off to do some chores now - I miss having fridays off to go & do fabby shopping, a trip round tesco hunting for bargains is just not the same at all

Have a great day all you fabulous single people :A

lula

eco

Hiya Dan,
i work with lads and they think a lass who's single is weird, apparently it's ok for lads but not for lasses, working with this lot puts me off at times, I know most lads don't have the same habits as this lot, but there disgusting, and a some of them don't treat there girlfriends right, and after 4 years working here I'm getting a bit blinkered.
Bowski hope Saturday's good I'll be going a t christmas with the rabble from work.

sarahb123_3

Hi Bathgatebuter and welcome:hello:

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

fretting about seeing other people lives develop while mine seems to stay in one place all the time.

I feel exactly the same way, it's like people whose lives move along and include all the things I want are all in on some incredible magic trick I know nothing about. My life always just seems to be stuck in one place, and I'm not sure how to move on.

Lula-Hula

Hi sarah,

with regard to your life not moving on how about this : I've just taken DD to her swimming class & there was a woman there I remembered from a year ago but havent seen since. She was talking to another woman & she was still going on about her miserable husband & how to sort out the house & finances & children & divorce.

It was like being in a timewarp, a year gone by & this poor woman had nothing else to talk about other than how her husband would want to read all the messages on her new phone :eek: . I snuggled into my book & sat smugly while the others moaned about their OH's, I truly love being single .

Will probably be back later but now waiting for lovely man to come buy my car, wish me luck

lula

mammamia2

evening all !

Think you are all reading my mind . I love being on my own in terms of i can do what i want when i want and obviously i only have myself to argue with and i enjoy raising DD on my own but it is the times when i feel down ,or had a crap day at work or i am ill is when i feel particularly lonely and would like to have a hug and share things with someone .

I too am not at my best and that is due to years of trying to make a relationship work when there was nothing there to work with . It is the good old saying if you look good you feel good and it is the feel good factor that attracts the right one so for me i am gonna get myself back to my best for when mr right turns up (gonna have to talk to him about his time keeping he is already 6 years late:rolleyes: )

so even though my life stnds still and everyone around seems to be living a fantastic life i know that my turn has not come yet
and when it is my turn i want the pink haze ,rose petals falling from the sky and romantIc music playing in the background :rotfl: :rotfl:

Bowski_1011

Evening everyone...I've just had a quick read before I get myself to bed. Should have been in bed well before now but went to my cousins for a bit to watch children in need while DD is sleeping out, she's gone to a sleepover. DD has a much better social life than me!!!

Hi Bathgatebuyer .. welcome to the thread. I understand completely when you say about not trusting a man enough to have children with them, unfortunatly I learnt the hard way :mad: You sound happy enough on your own, good on ya :beer:

Sarahb I think plenty of people read our rants they just probably don't post, I lurked for ages before finally plucking up the courage to post lol Even now sometime I can't think of what to say or how to say what I want so I end up saying nothing lol I'm glad i'm top of ya invite list, but you've got to make sure your future hubby to be has plenty of single mates, I'll share a table with them...i'm not fussy at all :A

Lula...I hope you weren't too sad to see your old car go, I'm sure it'll be going to a good home 5 mins in your new clio and it'll all be forgotten about

DebtFreeDan...you can stop imagining now that no womans going to be intersted in you because you're in a bit of a mess.Thats like saying no bloke would be interested in me because I'm not a busty blonde! I know women go on about wanting a rich man but it not true, I agree with what Lula says on the matter!!
You've got people on this forum to speak to about your debts if you want, nobody knows who you are so sometimes it can be easier to open up on here. Also one day you WILL be able to go on holiday/out for meals etc. and I'm sure once you're in the position to do that then you'll appreciate it alot more.

Thanks everyone for your messages about my night tomorrow...I'm going to have to have an interesting night so I have something to report (obviously if it wasn't for the report I'd be really sensible and boring;) )

john_boot

Im also single, in my 30s and in debt (£32K).... Im determined to get the majority of my debt cleared before thinking about settling down