Relationship breakdown

Steel_2

Can I ask gerturdeanna, you mentioned that sleeping together doesn't really happen because you don't feel good about yourself.

Do have a plan in mind on how you are going to address this bit of the problem?

Love and sex is all tied up into one with men. You might find hubby thinks you don't love him or find him attractive because you won't sleep with him, or perhaps he thinks he's done something wrong and is being punished. That may make him start to pull back and be distant to protect himself because that hurts.

I've had my hubby ask me once if he'd done something wrong when he'd gone without nooky for a bit because I had a big project on with work and was exhausted. Luckily I was able to nip that train of thought in the bud and explain I was knackered trying to keep on top of everything with work and at home.

The following night, hubby suddenly had the dinner was cooked, the washing hung up, the washing up done and I was plopped into a nice bath and tucked up in bed very early. Naturally hubby was suddenly 'very tired' too

Marker_2

Just read this thread, alot of wise words have been spoken by the members.

Have no other advice for the both of you. Just wishing you, your OH and your family the best and I really really hope you can both work things out and live happily ever after. Well done for trying though, thats all you can do xxx

gerturdeanna

Thanks Steel - I have in the past 'rejected his advances' mainly because I don't like myself, but also because it got pretty boring!!
I've gone on a healthy eating spree and have got myself an exercise bike to jump on whilst watching easties!!
I think it's gne way past that though. Last night in bed his knee touched me as he was turning over and he jumped away like an electric shock - that hurt loads!!

jay11_2

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Thanks Steel - I have in the past 'rejected his advances' mainly because I don't like myself, but also because it got pretty boring!!
I've gone on a healthy eating spree and have got myself an exercise bike to jump on whilst watching easties!!
I think it's gne way past that though. Last night in bed his knee touched me as he was turning over and he jumped away like an electric shock - that hurt loads!!

Jumping in here, but from what I know of men he was probably just afraid of being told off, because he thinks you don't want him near you. Sounds like you need to start doing some mild touching again--a hand squeeze, quick hug hello/goodbye. If that's a step too far, even a glance or some eye contact and a smile when one of the kids does something daft or funny can open lines of communication and a feeling of being a couple again.

Good luck hun, someone once told me that a huge proportion of couples break up when the kids are young, due to the strain it brings. I know OH and I had some really rough patches around then, I'm soo glad we saw it through though,

xx

Primrose

Whatever you do, don't give up your job hastily and if you have the option to take unpaid leave, take advantage of it. Having this option will give you a little breathing space to consider all the possibilities facing you, and if you end up as a single parent, it may not be easily possible for you to find another job which is flexible enough to accommodate your childrens' needs.

Steel_2

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Thanks Steel - I have in the past 'rejected his advances' mainly because I don't like myself, but also because it got pretty boring!!
I've gone on a healthy eating spree and have got myself an exercise bike to jump on whilst watching easties!!

Good plan!

Can I ask, do you still feel saucy in yourself? Or do you think your s-drive might have taken a nose dive for some reason like stress or tiredness? Sorry to be so forward and ask, but I'm just covering all the bases !!

I agree with jay11 that a little bit of touching here and there outside the bedroom might help. He might jump a foot the first few times but persevere until he gets used to it.

Also, do you still say please and thank you to one another? That can sometimes help too. It builds another little bridge if you're polite regardless of whether he is or not.

gerturdeanna

Its too late re the job, I had to resign, they gave me no other option. I asked for a reduction in hours for when I went back in September which was refused so parental leave was taken away- leaving me to resign...currently trying to sign on for JSA but don't think I'll get it.
Yes Steel - I do think my s-drive is pants - alright doing it to myself:o but not really for other people to me!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Pssst wrote: »

Hi GA,you might like to have a peek at this site

http://www.uncommonforum.com/

Your OH may well be suffering from anxiety. I wonder what age he is? There are all sorts of psychological conflicts which arise,especially with men ,at certain times in their lives.

You have already stated that you dont have a deep love for him. Perhaps its more of a companionate type of love? i.e for some time you have both co-existed comfortably together without really quationing it any further?
Perhaps a short term separation would be in order just so that you both have some breathing space to assess your individual situations?

Thank You so much for posting this website, DH has said he doesn't feel the same about me anymore - almost numb towards me, & from reading posts on that site, I think he is severely depressed, though whether he'll admit it I don't know. At least I may be more understanding & not keep acusing him of cheating:o just because he pushes me away

gerturdeanna - I really hope you work things out, you don't realise what you have until you lose it
Have talked to him about depression he says he's not - he just doesn't love me - so I've asked him to leave, can't imagine what this will do to our 2 children.

gerturdeanna

Well, we went to Relate tonight - don't really know what I expected but we talked about when we fifst met and remenisce(sp?) about 'the good ole days'. Next week we're talking about our familys and their relationship. I know its going to be a long slow process.
There is also another factor in the mix now. He's using his phone an awful lot to text etc. He never lets it out of his sight. I have asked him if anything is going on and he said no, he even said it would make things easier for him if there was someone else which I can understand - in a strange way. But on the home phone bill there are two calls to the same number, one for 13mins and one for 5mins. I know who they are too. A girl at his work - this girl has spread rumours in the past that he is leaving me and the kids for her - like 10 months ago. One day he left his phone at home and I checked his messages - about 3 weks ago. There were two from this girl - one saying what time are we all meeting in town and the second one was I'm home - thanks for a great night xx.
Do I ask him about these messages and the phone calls on the phone bill - or do I trust him and take his word for it?

gerturdeanna

Anyone have any advice?