Relationship breakdown

gerturdeanna

I do want to go with him, but then there is the added stress of him not liking me to 'molly-coddle' him. I am the one who wears the trousers etc in th erelationship and again maybe thats part of the problem.

RedBern

I do want to go with him, but then there is the added stress of him not liking me to 'molly-coddle' him. I am the one who wears the trousers etc in th erelationship and again maybe thats part of the problem.

okay - perhaps it's not a good idea for you to go with him - but suggest that he write down a couple of things for when he goes to the doc so he doesn't forget to give doc the full story. It is possible that counselling is available via GP, so see if he can get that - may be able to get couple counselling?

and remember to look after yourself - if you're the one 'wearing the trousers' you're taking a lot of responsibility - which is it impossible to just get rid of. Perhaps you need to share this responsibility more, and so share some of the stress? Your OH needs to appreciate that things aren't easy for either of you......

k1mmie

I would also add that if he is depressed then he may want you to go with him. When DH was going through depression and mid life crisis stage, I made an appointment at the doctors and asked if he wanted me to go with him, but I sat outside as this was his opportunity to tell the doctor what was on his mind. I think this helped but he thanked me after for going with him for support. SO maybe it might be nice for him to know that you are there for him, but he has do the rest himself.

Make sure you talk things through that are on your minds, as bottling them up does not help anybody. Also it is very easy when the children are young to forget that you are not just a mummy and daddy but also a couple. As mentioned think of the things that brought you together. What makes you both laugh? What can you do together to forget the stress of everyday life and concentrate on each other.

You have been together a long time and it would be a shame to throw it all away now when it sounds like you really need each other.

We had tremendous pressure on our relationship when financially things were hard and ultimately think this culminated in DH depression. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you have to find it. Maybe if both children are at school/nursery get a better paid job or look at making cut backs where you can.

Good luck to you both, I hope it works out.

gerturdeanna

Update, OH went to Docs this morning and Doc has said that he's not depressed - just that he's got a lot of things going on at the moment. So the only conclusion I can draw from that, is that he really doesn't love me anymore. We had a good talk last night and decided the really the only option is to make a break for the time being. And prsonally I do think its better now rather than later where it may turn into hate.
I've asked my local council etc to send me a form for housing. It makes sense for him to stay in the house as he can afford and obviously I can't seen as I'm not working. Am off to the Jobcentre this PM to discuss what I would be able to claim etc etc. Am also going to call all our creditors and see which are joint etc etc. Can anyone think of anthing else I need to do?
Cheers

Pssst

Hi GA,you might like to have a peek at this site

http://www.uncommonforum.com/

Your OH may well be suffering from anxiety. I wonder what age he is? There are all sorts of psychological conflicts which arise,especially with men ,at certain times in their lives.

You have already stated that you dont have a deep love for him. Perhaps its more of a companionate type of love? i.e for some time you have both co-existed comfortably together without really quationing it any further?
Perhaps a short term separation would be in order just so that you both have some breathing space to assess your individual situations?

gerturdeanna

You have already stated that you dont have a deep love for him. Perhaps its more of a companionate type of love? i.e for some time you have both co-existed comfortably together without really quationing it any further?
Perhaps a short term separation would be in order just so that you both have some breathing space to assess your individual situations?[/quote]

This is exactly how we both feel. I'm gad someone can put it properly into words for me!! Cheers!!

gerturdeanna

Well things may be looking up - we've got an appointment with Relate on thursday evening.

novagirl

That's great to hear Hope all goes well for you both. x

Kimitatsu

I have read your threads and just wanted to say good luck.

With your children the ages they are, it is one of the most difficult times, they need your attention, OH needs your attention, house needs attention and somewhere in the midst of it the couple that you are gets lost.

I cant advise you what is best for you both to do, that has to come from you two and has to come from the heart. All I can say is that whatever brought you two together in the first place is still there and is now running around as two little people in front of you.

Dont beat yourselves up, there are thousands of people on these forums who feel just as frustrated as you do, not enough money, not enough time, etc. Give yourselves a bit of time off - if that means a trial seperation then thats fine but dont close the door so there is no chance to go back.

Take care of yourslves and each other x

gerturdeanna

You know, I have really been touched by comments and advice that you folks have posted on here. Even though none of you know me, you are still all there for me in my 'hour of need'!!
Thanks to you all