Hen Night Problem.

Dasa · 4 November 2017 at 8:07AM

What do you think.

A relative of mine is very upset.

She was led to believe that a family member's hen night would be a show with a meal afterwards and said she would go.

However, it turns out that the meal and show is at a burlesque type place where the staff are dressed practically naked and the whole theme is very sexual. My relative hates this kind of thing and so has been honest and said she wont be going as its not her sort of thing.

The person that has organised it has been quite nasty to her and more or less said she should suck it up and go.

What is it with these hen nights?

Tom99 · 4 November 2017 at 8:18AM

She did the right thing so just ignore the organiser but maybe tell the bride why you have decided you cannot attend.

Dasa · 4 November 2017 at 8:31AM

Tom99 wrote: »

She did the right thing so just ignore the organiser but maybe tell the bride why you have decided you cannot attend.

The bride has no idea what is actually being organised so she can't say why until after the event. She didn't make the decision lightly but in the end felt she really couldn't go.

I admire her honesty and think her feelings should be respected but she is being made to feel guilty by the organiser. The whole thing sounds awful to me. A you know what shaped cake that squirts cream, you know what shaped everything including straws to drink with. Each to their own I suppose but it shouldn't be forced on someone.

gettingtheresometime · 4 November 2017 at 8:49AM

That sounds like my idea of hell as well.

Does the bride know that your relative would hate that sort of thing ? If she does that it would be blindly obvious as to why the relative pulled out (even it was after the event)

Can someone whose a bit more thick skinned have a word with the organiser to back off - though your relative may find she has to pay for r any non refundable deposit that's been paid

jackieblack · 4 November 2017 at 8:51AM

Sounds like my idea of hell.
Good on her for not letting herself being bullied into something she wouldn't enjoy.
She should just tell the organiser that if she had been honest about what was being planned in the first place she wouldn't have agreed to go.

peachyprice · 4 November 2017 at 9:06AM

I think the organiser needs to get over herself.

Your relative did the right thing, if it's not her cup of tea why should she be made feel bad about not going, unless she knows the rest of the party very well she may well find that now that your relative has spoken out others will admit they'd rather not go either. I certainly wouldn't.

Pollycat · 4 November 2017 at 9:07AM

It sounds like my idea of hell too, Jackie.

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

That sounds like my idea of hell as well.

Does the bride know that your relative would hate that sort of thing ? If she does that it would be blindly obvious as to why the relative pulled out (even it was after the event)

Can someone whose a bit more thick skinned have a word with the organiser to back off - though your relative may find she has to pay for r any non refundable deposit that's been paid

I'd be inclined to push back at the organiser and tell her to back off or I'll tell the bride exactly why I've declined to attend such a tacky evening out.
Nobody tells me to 'suck it up and go' to something that I'd hate every minute of.

I'd be interested to know exactly what the OP's relative was told about what the hen night would involve before accepting the invitation.

And very interested to know what the bride would think of the planned night.

JayJay100 · 4 November 2017 at 9:58AM

So, what we're saying is that you're supposed to pay good money, for a night you will hate, just so someone looks as though they've arranged the best hen-night ever? No thanks!

A night like that is not for everyone; yes, some will love it, but some will find it deeply upsetting or disturbing. Not only that, but there are likely to be photographs of the night all over social media, and I've known people be knocked back from job offers, because of them. What if someone has a jealous partner, who would react badly to it? The news is so full of inappropriate sexual conduct, I'm stunned that someone can't appreciate someone else's point of view.

No your friend has done the right thing by refusing to go, and hopefully others will do the same. When my friend arranged a similar night, she arranged two separate hen parties, mainly because she wanted her nanna to be able to be able to join in, and didn't think she'd be comfortable with the burlesque night. In the end, her nanna went to both, but it was her choice to do so.

bagpussbear · 4 November 2017 at 10:04AM

Your relative has done the right thing, and the organiser is out of order.

It's not everyone's cup of tea.

I think your relative should be honest with the bride though, and tell them about the attitude of the organiser. If I was a bride, I would be pretty peed off if my other friend, relatives or guests were being upset by this person.

suejb2 · 4 November 2017 at 10:19AM

Wow, a new Wedding breed "organizilla" I also hate hate that sort of stuff.
If your relative mis understood the arrangement thinking it was a meal when it has always been the burlesque then maybe paying the deposit and leaving it at that is probably best.
If,however, the details were changed after the deposit taken then the organiser from Hell in her own words needs to suck it up and pay back.
In defence on the organiser you can't please all the people all of the time but she shouldn't force anyone to go

Mojisola · 4 November 2017 at 10:24AM

Dasa wrote: »

However, it turns out that the meal and show is at a burlesque type place where the staff are dressed practically naked and the whole theme is very sexual. My relative hates this kind of thing and so has been honest and said she wont be going as its not her sort of thing.

Pollycat wrote: »

And very interested to know what the bride would think of the planned night.

This ^.

Is it really the bride's idea of a good time or will she hate every moment of it?

Hen Night Problem.

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