Finances as a couple
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What if one person earns a lot more than their other half? Faffing around trying to work out percentages of how much each should pay into a joint account I just could not be bothered with. A lot of our married life OH has been self employed so his earnings vary widely month to month. That would have made it difficult to work out how much he should have put into a joint account.
We know a couple where one earns only about £22,000 a year and the other earns around £200,000 a year. They have separate accounts and a joint account. Admittedly the higher owner pays more then half on the mortgage, bills etc but it still leaves them far more "spending" money than the other. The higher earner buys designer clothes whilst the other shops in places like Primark, one drives a nice car, the other an old banger. They do go on nice holidays but because the higher earner pays more for the holiday they each pay for their own flights. One travels first class the other doesn't.
:eek:Good lord, I've seen it all now.
Absolutely agree. Some relationship! The one who is paid less has crap clothes while the other has fancy ones, they travel second class while the other travels first, they have beans on toast while their spouse/partner has steak!
Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
I would rather be alone than be in a relationship like this. And hell would freeze over before I would treat any woman like this if I earned more.A "Running away money" fund is very important.... just to mention.
Not saying any poster here is or will be in that situation, but when I read of people (usually female) not having anything to call her own, and desperate to exit a difficult or abusive relationship, I always think, WHY did/do you not have a separate fund just for yourself? Why?
For that reason, as no one knows what the future holds, a separate account is very reasonable for each party. Joint for everything else maybe.
:eek:
People HAVE these?! A 'save up just in case I need to leave you' fund?
How can they save this money? Without the partner knowing....? Like the scenario above, it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship if you're being secretive and planning on what to do if your marriage doesn't work out!You didn't, did you? :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
:eek:
:eek:
People HAVE these?! A 'save up just in case I need to leave you' fund?
How can they save this money? Without the partner knowing....? Like the scenario above, it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship if you're being secretive and planning on what to do if your marriage doesn't work out!
You don't have to do it secretly. It is just yours. And it needn't be a "leave you" fund either. But it may turn out to be.
Everyone needs independent means for emergencies.
Say the partner leaves and shuts down all accounts. No access to funds. Yikes. It can and has happened.
No point in thinking it doesn't. It does.
Anyway on an ordinary note, I personally think each party to a relationship should have a separate fund to call their own.
Just so they can spend with abandon and not have to explain or discuss anything with the other half. That's OK for joint expenditure, bills, holidays, furniture, refurbs the usual stuff that benefits the household. But if I want to spend on myself I will do it, from my OWN personal fund.0 -
My OH wouldn't know how to shut down our account. He does have the details should he take the time to find out but as long as bills are paid he takes little interest.
I know what you're saying, but I feel it's more about one partnwr not being excluded from the finances as that leaves you vulnerable and is a bad sign. No matter how couples handle their finances one of them shouldn't be uninvolved in major decisions and unable to access some money.Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!0 -
My OH wouldn't know how to shut down our account. He does have the details should he take the time to find out but as long as bills are paid he takes little interest.
I know what you're saying, but I feel it's more about one partnwr not being excluded from the finances as that leaves you vulnerable and is a bad sign. No matter how couples handle their finances one of them shouldn't be uninvolved in major decisions and unable to access some money.
That's not what I said either.
Joint decisions, joint accounts, full joint decision making is FINE.
But having your own source of funds for what YOU want to do, separately from your OH has nothing to do with a lack of communication. It is essential to me anyway, and I don't make any apology for it. If I want to spend on myself after depositing a jointly discussed chunky amount for the household spend, I will.
If we need to put more into the joint account, I will, no problem, every month is different, no problem there.
But I just think sometimes, that relinquishing ALL your earnings to a joint fund is just silly. Everyone needs a bit of fun money for themselves. If they can afford it I mean, I know not everyone can have this. But they should if they could. My view only, I accept that.0 -
Good lord, I've seen it all now.
I think I probably read about them in the papers recently. There was certainly an article about one of a couple travelling first class, whilst the other (and the children) travelled in "cattle class".
One of the women concerned said how her husband whinged so much at travelling in "cattle class" because he hated it so much.
I wouldnt let a hubbie of mine get away with that personally. My view would be "Actually - I absolutely hate cattle class so much I won't travel that way either. So either we're both going first class or neither of us is going as far as I'm concerned". They'd have two choices as far as I was concerned - an equal marriage or a divorce. I've often said "What's the point of marrying someone who doesn't love you?" and that sort of treatment, to me, would be translated into "He doesn't love me".0 -
My wife moans that I always take the window seat. My justification is that she gets up to go to the loo, and I don't.0
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:eek:
Absolutely agree. Some relationship! The one who is paid less has crap clothes while the other has fancy ones, they travel second class while the other travels first, they have beans on toast while their spouse/partner has steak!
Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
I would rather be alone than be in a relationship like this. And hell would freeze over before I would treat any woman like this if I earned more.
It's a gay couple and they seem happy enough. They have been together for over 10 years.
I do think things like flights should come out of a joint account but what about clothes?
Most posters on here that have single and joint accounts say things like hobbies, clothes etc come out of their single account. This is exactly what happens with the couple I am talking about. Because one earns so much more than the other he can afford designer clothes and the other can't. So either everything would have to come out of a joint account or the higher earner would have to pay towards the other's clothes etc.
That is why, for us, just one joint account works - so much easier, simpler and less time consumingThe world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie0 -
Most posters on here that have single and joint accounts say things like hobbies, clothes etc come out of their single account. This is exactly what happens with the couple I am talking about. Because one earns so much more than the other he can afford designer clothes and the other can't. So either everything would have to come out of a joint account or the higher earner would have to pay towards the other's clothes etc.
That sounds exactly how I would expect a marriage to work. Other relationships, such as cohabiting, I can see would be different. I can understand, administratively, why people would have separate accounts, etc., but the idea that because one earns more than the other, he/she gets to spend more on him/herself does not sound like a couple, but two individuals. It seems to ignore the concept of household income.0 -
That sounds exactly how I would expect a marriage to work. Other relationships, such as cohabiting, I can see would be different. I can understand, administratively, why people would have separate accounts, etc., but the idea that because one earns more than the other, he/she gets to spend more on him/herself does not sound like a couple, but two individuals. It seems to ignore the concept of household income.
But the converse might sound like a meal ticket.;)0 -
That sounds exactly how I would expect a marriage to work. Other relationships, such as cohabiting, I can see would be different. I can understand, administratively, why people would have separate accounts, etc., but the idea that because one earns more than the other, he/she gets to spend more on him/herself does not sound like a couple, but two individuals. It seems to ignore the concept of household income.But the converse might sound like a meal ticket.;)
true it might do maman, but I think after a certain period of time, you'd know if that were the case.
Even though Mr Bugs and I weren't married and never had any joint acccount, each others finances varied from time to time and we took up slack as necessary. We were both easy going, so it was never an issue.0
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