What do I need to do right now?

Startingagainagain · 23 July 2014 at 6:09PM

RAS wrote: »

Ask the mortgage provider if you can have a short payment holiday?

Or go interest only?

That's a good idea. Would that have any negative long term consequences for me?

With respect to the settlement; do not get railroaded into anything short-term.

It needs to be agreed as part of the divorce setlement. Normally the end of a short marriage sees the two parties returned to their original circumstances but because you have a young child, you may get more than he does. And the divorce settlement would agree what he could get when the child leaves school.

Sorry if I'm being a bit dim but what do you mean about him getting something when LO leaves school?

I have other assets (that are nothing to do with him except I assume they would be referred to as marital assets or whatever the term is). He has always said he's not interested in these (they 'pre exist' him if that's not a dreadful way of phrasing it!) and I'm certainly not interested in enriching a solicitor to fight this out so I'm happy enough with a fair split.

However, I don't accept that he gets to leave us in penury - the CM is less than he earns in one day. He was always happy to put his hand in his pocket when he was the NRP for his DD so this stings a bit.

It doesn't really seem right that he gets to flounce off and stop contributing and still maintain an interest in the house. He knows very well that this will land me in financial dire straits (presumably why he's doing it).

missbiggles1 · 23 July 2014 at 6:32PM

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Sorry if I'm being a bit dim but what do you mean about him getting something when LO leaves school?

I have other assets (that are nothing to do with him except I assume they would be referred to as marital assets or whatever the term is). He has always said he's not interested in these (they 'pre exist' him if that's not a dreadful way of phrasing it!) and I'm certainly not interested in enriching a solicitor to fight this out so I'm happy enough with a fair split.

However, I don't accept that he gets to leave us in penury - the CM is less than he earns in one day. He was always happy to put his hand in his pocket when he was the NRP for his DD so this stings a bit.

It doesn't really seem right that he gets to flounce off and stop contributing and still maintain an interest in the house. He knows very well that this will land me in financial dire straits (presumably why he's doing it).

If you have "other assets", why is the finincial situation so dire?

Startingagainagain · 23 July 2014 at 7:15PM

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If you have "other assets", why is the finincial situation so dire?

Just like my pension etc. Doesn't put food on the table right now.

nlj1520 · 24 July 2014 at 8:27AM

Some solicitors will do a first 30 minute appointment for free. I did end up using the one I saw, but if you cannot afford that, then use that 30 minutes to its fullest extent.....take all the paperwork that's relevant, write a list of your most important questions and don't waste time on pleasantries! They will understand.
Good luck, been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt. You will get through it, you will sort it somehow and you will be happy again. On the way it will be hard work, though.

DS4215 · 24 July 2014 at 9:21AM

If you haven't already, take a look at wikivorce - lots of good advice on there for people in your situation.

The good/bad news is that he probably can't just walk away from the mortgage - the company will only agree to take him off if you can afford it by yourself (and you might be able to remortgage at a cheaper rate without his CCJ on the record), but you will need to speak to them and find out your options.

Confusedandneedhelp · 24 July 2014 at 9:48AM

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Hello all

I used to post on here years ago but have forgotten all my details. So...

In the process of splitting up with husband. Situation is:

We have been married nearly 2 years and have an 18 month old LO.
We jointly own (mortgaged) a house which I'm living in at the moment.
He moved out a little while ago with his DD (13) and is living nearby.

Things have taken a nasty turn and he's now decided that he won't be paying towards the mortgage and will pay me a tiny amount of CM based on the amount he put through his books last year. Apparently, this month's payment will be the last and then he is going to 'sign the house over to me' (not a great idea for him really). There's somewhere between £45k and £55k equity in it. He has been paying half the mortgage and half the childcare.

Obviously I need to sell the house and I have a small amount of back up money.

The mortgage is quite high and once I've paid that and LO's childcare I've nothing left over.

I work three 3 days a week and having done the sums, increasing to 4 or 5 decreases my tax credit amount to the stage where I wouldn't be any better off (I know how this sounds btw).

What do I need to do right now? (I know I could do with seeing a solicitor but funds don't really allow at the moment!).

It's a bit horrible. Due to some issues with his DD, he can't have LO overnight. The one night he did have him (I had to go to a work training thing down south) , he stayed here and ended up rummaging through the house convinced that I'm having an affair (I'm really not) - going through my laundry and rubbish (even the gross wheelie bin) trying to find evidence. Apparently I've been on a site looking for no strings sex with strangers and have been bringing them back to the house.

I know he's speaking from a place of anger (there's more to this but the whys and wherefores aren't hugely important right now) but while he's being so irrational, I need to protect me and LO.

Any advice?

Thanks in advance x

ETA - there are no joint accounts / cards etc - just the mortgage. There's no debt either.

Think the first point is you are both liable for the mortgage and he cannot 'sign it over to you', the second is, could you move out and he move in? If he earns more?

He's being irrational im guessing because you ended the marriage? and therefore there must be a reason. and im presuming either you've not given he a reason, or not given him a reason he accepts (note not the same things)

Lets forget you and him at the moment, is he capable of looking after your LO and working, im guessing not. So you're choices are limited.

Id suggest selling the house, 22.5k is a decent wedge each.

Confusedandneedhelp · 24 July 2014 at 9:52AM

Startingagainagain wrote: »

I'm in a fairly rural area - by all accounts CAB have an extremely long waiting list!

I don't feel like I can keep him out of the house while he's paying half - legally it's still his. There's quite a bit of his stuff still here too (he assures me it will be out by the 1st of next month).

Luckily LO is too little to know what's going on. TBH his dad hasn't bothered with him a huge amount since he was born so it's not the biggest transition.

Is it worth speaking to the mortgage company? X seems to think he gets to stop paying and then walk away with his 50% once it's sold.

Thanks for the kind words - It's a shame it's come to this and an even bigger shame he's being this way. He had an absolute nightmare with his DD's mother (and still does) and always promised me he'd never scr*w me over (I'm not daft enough to think he would keep his word but he's really going for it! The amount of CM he's proposing would cover about a quarter of the childcare bill (and it's not an expensive place). I've no idea how he thinks I'm going to keep LO fed and clothed until this sells.

Legally:
The mortgage is yours to pay if you live there
The childcare is yours to pay, you can not work as much, or whatever the case. Basically he has to pay you 15% of his salary, if that doesnt cover the childcare then its unfortunate.
and you're absolutely right you cant keep him out of the house.

Morally:
well its his concsience which will need clearig not yours

StuC75 · 24 July 2014 at 9:53AM

If he signs over the house (Transfer of Equity), then he loses all claim to the house as he would be removed from the deeds and from the mortgage.

Do consider and recognise that he is giving you that equity in the house - so maybe reconsider how critical you are of the mortgage balance \ debt from previous ccj. In normal terms the house and assets & pensions of both of you would form the financial settlement that is reached.

So do give a little consideration that whilst he's saying that he wouldn't want a claim to your assets, that your in fact looking for money from his (by saying he is self employed - so seeking to build his own business up)...Im assuming that when you were living together you didn't mind how little earnings he was putting through the books in terms of any cm he may have paid for other child..

You could always look to sell the house , allowing you to tap into that equity and re-jig your living situation so that you are not saddled with a higher mortgage payment..

Confusedandneedhelp · 24 July 2014 at 9:56AM

I think the obvious point here is the OH cannot transfer anything without the mortgage provider agreeing, and they clearly wont agree, as the income has gone substantially down.

There is no way they will let you remortgage into a single income if you have £70 spare each month. It isnt happening. So can we just take that off the table as the OP really cannot consider this an option.

onlyroz · 24 July 2014 at 10:22AM

Could you continue to pay the mortgage on your own if you took in a lodger?

What do I need to do right now?

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