How to say "No" to being a Bridesmaid, without ruining a friendship?

Its your friend you will be supporting on the day though. I've been to a couple of weddings in my time where my friends clearly weren't happy. Both relationships fell apart not long before the wedding and one friend asked me did I think she should get married, I said no. She stopped speaking to me, I wasn't invited to the hen night, I got an invitation to the wedding but only because it would have looked awful to mutual friends if I'd been disinvited from that. I went. The friendship didn't recover and the marriage didn't last and that's different to your situation. The other friend was in a similar situation but our friendship didn't suffer, she knew herself she was making the wrong choice but went through with it anyway, marriage was over pretty quickly. Sometimes even if you feel something isn't going to work out, you go and then if and when things go wrong, you support your friend in their choices.

Its not easy to watch someone you care about do what you think is the wrong thing, but you may end up very upset if you stay away and the friendship suffers.

I've been a bridesmaid twice - first time I don't think I'd even met the groom more than once before the big day!

I don't consider it a bridesmaid's job to judge whether the marriage will last - the important thing is that your friend believes it will, thats why she's getting married, and she wants you in her wedding because she thinks highly enough of you to ask you.

If its just a feeling you have about the groom/relationship, I'd button it and be a bridesmaid. If you have some kind of proof/evidence of why the marriage won't last, if you're a good friend you'd tell the bride what that information is.

If you just don't want to go to the wedding, use the kids as an excuse.

I think in all honesty you are being a bad friend.

You say its not your place to say if its right or wrong, and you are correct, so why can you not just stand beside your friend and offer your support, without giving an opinion?

If you give her a feeble excuse, she will work it out. And that will hurt her more.

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I just don't think i can support them and although i may be wrong (i hope to be proved wrong in time), i just cant do it.
I could make up a convincing excuse (nobody to watch my kids etc) i don't want to lie to my friend.

You should suck it up, put a smile in your face accept her offer and hope your wrong. If it works out or not has nothing to do with you . Be there for your friend