How to say "No" to being a Bridesmaid, without ruining a friendship?

WantToBeSE · 11 January 2014 at 11:44PM

As per the title really. I recently met the person that my friend is marrying and don't think i can be part of the wedding as i don't believe it will work out.

Is it even possible to say "No" and keep the friendship intact?

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Own_My_Own · 11 January 2014 at 11:46PM

Could make an excuse, maybe you wouldn't be able to keep an eye on the children ?

Netwizard · 11 January 2014 at 11:46PM

Well if your really good friends, your friend would surely understand. Just say no but be polite about it. Job done

WantToBeSE · 11 January 2014 at 11:48PM

Thanks for the reply, OMO.
In 1 way, i wouldnt want to make things worse by lying, but i obviously cant tell them the truth...it's something i have been struggling with since being asked, but now they have started talking about colour of clothing etc, so i have to tell them asap..they are getting married in September.

tea_lover · 11 January 2014 at 11:50PM

Do you need to believe it will work out to be a bridesmaid? Tbh the lack of faith in my judgement would probably end the friendship, not the bridesmaid thing.

DUTR · 11 January 2014 at 11:50PM

WantToBeSE wrote: »

As per the title really. I recently met the person that my friend is marrying and don't think i can be part of the wedding as i don't believe it will work out.

Is it even possible to say "No" and keep the friendship intact?

Is that the real reason though?
How many people would get married if they really thought it wasn't going to work out?
I'm sure there are couples around that many readers know that they thought it wouldn't work, but the couples are still together through time .
If this person is really your friend then thank them for the offer but ask them if you can decline from the role.

paulineb_2 · 11 January 2014 at 11:53PM

Unless the person concerned was doing something like cheating or treating my friend very badly, I'd go. Its one day out your life v possibly hurting a very good mate.

But it's your call.

Alikay · 11 January 2014 at 11:53PM

I don't think being a bridesmaid necessarily requires you to have faith in the future of the marriage - your friend has asked you because she wants you to support her on her wedding day.

If you wanted to refuse because of nerves, pregnancy, health issues etc, I'm sure a good friend would understand. Your reason however will probably cause offence as you are questioning your friend's ability to select a suitable husband. I think if you refuse you'll have to think up a convincing white lie, or just accept that your friendship may be damaged.

WantToBeSE · 11 January 2014 at 11:58PM

Thanks for the replies. I just don't think i can support them and although i may be wrong (i hope to be proved wrong in time), i just cant do it.
I could make up a convincing excuse (nobody to watch my kids etc) i don't want to lie to my friend.

Tiglath · 12 January 2014 at 12:00AM

DUTR wrote: »

How many people would get married if they really thought it wasn't going to work out?

My sister did, twice. Both times she said to me before the weddings that she knew it wouldn't last, but couldn't articulate why she was doing it. I refused to go to either wedding, and both marriages broke down after a couple of years.

duchy · 12 January 2014 at 12:03AM

Wow
I suppose you think you're taking the higher moral ground but in my book friends support each other regardless . If you were really a good friend you'd accept your friend's choice with the respect you no doubt expect her to give your decisions. Would it really be so hard to put your friend first for just one day ?

How to say "No" to being a Bridesmaid, without ruining a friendship?

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