First date- who pay's?

beckysbobbles1 · 13 September 2013 at 3:25PM

I was just talking with some colleagues regarding my first date this evening and I found the divide in who should pay quite interesting.

I personally would always offer to pay for half of the meal but if my date expected me to pay the whole lot, it would seriously put me off. However, if he offered to pay then I would accept. Does that make me a hypocrit?

If things progressed and we went on further dates then I'm very much a 50/50 person but I think it's the first date that I would be a little put off if my date didn't at least pay half.

I'm talking about drinks or dinner. I went on a date the other week where my date paid for three rounds and I paid for one. I felt bad that it wasn't even but I'm glad I at least paid for one.

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aileth · 13 September 2013 at 3:30PM

I'm very traditional and some might say old-fashioned that I would expect the fella to pay for the meal/drinks for the first couple of dates. I'd say after two or three you'd be comfortable enough and from then it'd be 50/50. I'd still offer to pay 50/50, but I'd feel warm and fuzzy being refused.

My sister went on a first date recently where the fella didn't even offer to pay, and in fact when the bill came ASKED her how she was paying before she offered! I thought that was very rude, especially when he asked for the bill. It must be normal nowadays though, as she went 50/50 with her ex-boyfriend for the first date and then he made her pay for the rest. He refused to see her unless she was paying. It didn't last long...

Waiting for the warcry of feminists, but that's what courting is to me

ilovelondontown · 13 September 2013 at 3:33PM

I think it depends on what type of person you are hoping to date? Somebody who wants to do the traditional thing? He pays a couple of times then you start to split the bills? Feminist, equal down the middle or if you go on a date with someone you really like and know they can't afford to pay.

If you're going with tradition it's the person who asks for the date who should pay. "Can I take you out" not "Can I take you out but you pay?!"

From my perspective I'm similar to you - if he asked me out I'd be expecting him to pay for maybe the dinner and drinks but I'd offer to top off a couple of rounds. When the bill came I'd offer to split the bill and if he declind my offer I'd be impressed by that but if I was expected to pay the whole bill when I'd been asked out I'd be miffed but not necessarily put off, espcially if he was someone I saw good potential in.

Good luck with the date, let us know the outcome!

Ruthy222 · 13 September 2013 at 3:33PM

I don't mind splitting the bill although it is nice if the guy offers to pay for the first date or if not fully then he should definitely offer half!

Lunar_Eclipse · 13 September 2013 at 3:33PM

My main thought it that whoever asked for the date should be prepared to pay, since it's effectively a special invitation.

Many people would want it to be split 50:50, and if I was male, I would probably offer to pay.

There is something traditional about the man paying as a general rule, although I believe there are several acceptable scenarios.

Toto · 13 September 2013 at 3:41PM

It's been a long time since I dated but I'd expect to pay 50/50. I really don't see why the guy should pay for a meal for someone he doesn't know if he likes or not yet. After a couple of dates then I'd expect that we start to offer to pay in full, maybe in turns, maybe him a bit more if he has more cash than me vice versa.

Of course if I'm dating Johnny Depp I'd expect him to pay for the lot, firstly because he's loaded and secondly because he'd be punching well above his weight

arbroath_lass · 13 September 2013 at 3:42PM

Whoever asked, in my opinion too. That said I'd always offer to go dutch (but wouldn't argue over it on the first date)!

onlyroz · 13 September 2013 at 3:47PM

Whoever asked should offer to pay - however it is polite for the person invited to suggest a 50:50 split.

beckysbobbles1 · 13 September 2013 at 4:03PM

Thanks for the replies!!

I'm actually a little unsure of who asked then. We've been chatting for a few weeks and our diaries have been busy but we finally agreed on a date.

Then as he is coming close to where I work, I suggested a resturant and booked the table. So on the surface it would appear that I arranged the date.

I don't mind paying but we'll see what happens. I have been out of dating for a while so it feels very new again.

However I do like the little motto 'Rules are for fools' and think we'll just go with the flow.

Claire212 · 13 September 2013 at 4:16PM

I agree that whoever asks should offer to pay, but if he offers then so much the better, you can always split.

Either way. Enjoy the date.

fashionlover10 · 13 September 2013 at 4:29PM

When I was dating I always offered to pay my share but it was always turned down. I'm not sure I'd like a second date with a man who expected me to pay the whole lot as I'm quite traditional.

First date- who pay's?

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