Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

FATBALLZ · 25 July 2012 at 8:15PM

Arthog wrote: »

Speaking as a Baby Boomer - some posters seem to think we have led a charmed life! This is our 4th Slump, including the Devaluation in the 60s, and we have survived them and will survive this one too.

Lol, don't forget to tell us how you fought in the war as well...

Anyway I haven't had any parental support since leaving Uni, and even whilst I was there approx 2/3 of my income came from my own sources. My siblings on the other hand have had tens of thousands of support in the form of free rent, cash handouts, debts paid off etc and two of them are in their 30s and still depend on my parents to look after them.

I am however the only one who has turned out financially independent (and independent in plenty of other ways they are not), co-incidence?

Skintslimmer · 25 July 2012 at 8:40PM

My parents have been truly wonderful over the years, helping me out financially a lot in times of need, I feel embarrassed when I add it all up, and I couldn't have done half of what I've done without them. I hope I've made them proud by landing a good job now as a direct result of their generosity helping me through my second degree, and I will be paying back their loan with regular installments, plus of course being family doing whatever I can to help them whatever they need.

geri1965_2 · 25 July 2012 at 8:46PM

I started work at 16 and haven't had a penny from my parents since then. My mum has no money anyway, my dad has savings and I know my sister borrows from him when she needs to, but it's always a loan and she has to pay it back.

I don't have children but if I did I would prefer to enable them to stand on their own two feet.

Scrapaholic · 25 July 2012 at 9:05PM

Our DS left school with a few GCSE's . We encouraged him to get an apprenticeship which he did, but didn't finish it as said he had no money . We were helping him financially too and he lived rent free at home .After a few more yrs of trying various things eg working in shops etc ,he and his girlfriend had a baby. We bought a flat ,an investment , and they moved in and we got a bit of rent . They split up, then got back together , had another baby , got married .I'll cut the tale short . 3 yrs ago he said he'd enroled on a degree course and a week before it started said he wouldn't be able to afford to pay any rent to us and do the course . We felt as if that was emotional blackmail. If it hadn't been for the 2 grandchildren we'd not have done it but we wanted them to have a better future . He's now just got his degree ,and he did well, marriage has broken up , no job, as yet . We've been paying the mortgage on the property which he's been living in and giving him £100 weekly for 3 years . When he was young we tried to get him to study to no avail , just wouldn't try . He realises now his mistakes . He's 33 yrs old .If I'm honest , we feel taken advantage of . I feel as if I've somehow failed as a parent . If it hadn't been for the grandchildren we def. wouldn't have done it . Reading these posts, lots of people have helped their children . We didn't depend on our parents like this and we didn't have to support them either . I don't like feeling this way about DS but can't wait for him to be independent of us .

Nicksmum · 25 July 2012 at 10:12PM

When I first started work (many moons ago) I got into debt and had the embarrassment of someone from my bank coming round to my house to demand my cheque book and card (do they still do such things nowdays?) My parents lent me the money to pay the debt off and I paid back every single penny. They never let me forget it and probably because of that I have never had anymore money from them.It taught me a salutory lesson though and I now pride myself on my money handling skills.

macavity · 25 July 2012 at 11:05PM

i was going to get involved in this conversation but it seems people are being a bit judgemental. What is wrong with parents helping out children? I would help my son if he needed it. Never judge a man till you've walked a mile in his moccasins, I say.

System · 26 July 2012 at 12:54AM

I'm ashamed to admit when i was at uni i was crap with money (despite working alongside my studies) and there were a few times my parents had to bail me out. When my grandparents died and left me some inheritence i wanted to pay them back but they refused to accept it saying "its what parents do". Currently mum won't even let me by birthday/xmas presnets because i'm not working due to illness atm. Really trying hard to get better and get a job so i can contribute once more.

SingleSue · 26 July 2012 at 1:08AM

Bank of mum and dad have helped me out since my divorce but it is always paid back, weekly and in full in the shortest time possible.

The help is not for silly things or luxuries but essential items where a bigger amount than I can afford is required. They would rather I go to them than go elsewhere and pay interest.

They have also helped my brother out....but they tend not to get it back from him.

rozmister · 26 July 2012 at 1:40AM

I left home at 16 and the bank of Mum and (Step) Dad paid my Child Benefit into my account each month - £135. When I went to university this was upped to £200 a month to account for the extra costs of living somewhere more expensive (previously lived in a small town and am now in a city). I've always worked and despite that am now in a tidy bit of debt that my parents don't know about.

I graduated last month and am hopefully starting a graduate job in two weeks. Before I even graduated I brought up cutting off my allowance with the Bank of Mum and Dad because I know plenty of people who are well past graduation and still relying mostly on their parents for funding. I really don't want to end up in that situation so my last allowance payment will be in September.

They are also lending money to buy a car so I can get to said graduate job and I will be paying them back in installments over 2 1/2 years. I've also budgeted to pay off all my debts whilst paying them back and hope that by the time my car is paid off I will be in a position to just not cancel the standing order and keep paying that amount to my Mum each month. I really don't want her to go without in her retirement and although I know my step-dad would never knowingly let her she can be very proud.

On the other side my brother's running total of debts is probably near the £10,000 mark. That's money he has borrowed here, there and everywhere for exotic backpacking holidays abroad, car repairs, training courses, etc, etc. He does a great line in emotionally blackmailing you into lending you money and has no scruples (he once persuaded me to part with all my savings from a part time job when I was 13 on the provision I'd get it back in a couple of weeks, it took 3 months and intervention from my Mum to get it back). He also often goes back to live with my Mum and Step Dad when he's spanked all his money away and got into a sticky situation (not paying rent for months, etc) and then he lives completely rent free with all his food and bills included. Oh and he's 11 years older than me (early 30's to my early 20's) so well past the point where Mum and Dad should be bank rolling him constantly.

As a warning to parents I would say the only reason I'm not racked with guilt about my financial support from the Bank of Mum and (Step) Dad is the continuous loaning to my !!!!less brother. It's like watching someone else being allowed to take sub-prime mortgage after sub-prime mortgage; suddenly you feel your standard mortgage that you are more than willing and able to pay back each month is so much more acceptable. If my brother's behaviour is facilitated by loans he has no intention of paying back and my parents know he won't pay back what harm does my allowance through university and car loan (that I will pay back) do?

bionda · 26 July 2012 at 8:35AM

Personally I always refused money from my parents until in my thirties I realised it gave my mother pleasure to give me money and buy me things. How could I have denied her so long?
More recently I asked for my inheritance or some of it up front as I lost a huge amount in exchange on buying a house when sterling fell and was not covering my mortgage payments. Even living on 7 euros a day ( and of course failing) meant falling more and more into the red. They managed to release some funds and divided them amongst their 4 children. Much appreciated ( though the others had absolutely no financial need). This enabled me to reduce my mortgage payments.
My generous parents wrote each of us letters stating the money was a gift, and paid gift tax on it. They have always given us the maximum gift allowance annually and are aware of tax efficient ways of passing money on. Very important!
Weaning? Not necessary if all are responsible with money.

Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

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