Real-life MMD: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

Former_MSE_Debs · 13 July 2012 at 5:10PM

Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

We agreed to split the cost of our son's honeymoon 50/50 with his fiancee's parents, but they've now said they can't afford it and suggested we "all just put in what we can afford" - ie, my husband and I pay the majority. Technically, we can afford to pay more, but it would mean not helping with other parts of the wedding, which would be hard to explain without embarrassing her parents. Should we cough up or risk our children's disappointment?

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double_mummy · 17 July 2012 at 10:23PM

could they not just go on a cheaper honeymoon? put whatever you original said you would contribute, let the other parents put in what they can and then let your son and his OH decide what they can afford to do with that money

alternatively tell them to use something like honeyfund.com and ask their guests to pay for their honeymoon

i think you are very very generous paying 50% of their honeymoon and additional things for the wedding and if they are disappointed then i would personally tell them to enjoy paying for the wedding by them selves

as always with these MMDs isnt the answer to sit down with all concerned parties and discuss it

sabretoothtigger · 17 July 2012 at 10:28PM

The kids should chip in and will better value it

yojibop · 17 July 2012 at 11:03PM

I'm sure they will be thankful for anything you give them!! I would not pay extra, but I would explain it to them as a couple.

If they cannot afford it then it is right of them to say so now rather than getting into debt to try and put more money in, I am sure their Daughter will understand the situation as will your Son.

Why don't you give them the options and see what they prefer.

Ultimately if the entire Wedding budget included everything you are putting in and the Bride's parents, then they will have to choose from everything they want which is the most important to them!

oldtrout · 18 July 2012 at 2:29AM

As usual in these MMDs, you should ALL sit down and discuss it.

TBagpuss · 18 July 2012 at 7:43AM

Your son & his fianc!e are lucky to have parents who are giving such generous gifts. But it is a gift. There's no fixed amount or proportion *either* set of parents "should" pay.

Forget what your son's in-laws are giving. Decide for yourself what you can afford and are willing to give (either towards the honeymoon, or in total including other contributions to the wedding) and tell your son and his fianc!e how much you are giving. They can then decide whether they want to pay any shortfall themselves, or to have ashorter or less expensive honeymoon.

(oh, and do discourage them from asking wedding guests for money or to pay for their holiday- it comes over as really money-grabbing & greedy)

Dunroamin · 18 July 2012 at 8:03AM

Tell them that you can't afford it either and that they'll need to reconsider their plans.

SueC_2 · 18 July 2012 at 8:07AM

Your son and his wife are grown-ups right? Not five year olds who are going to sulk horribly if they don't get the very best Barbie doll for Christmas?

In which case, they are darn lucky that their respective parents are contributing anything at all towards their honeymoon (or the wedding for that matter), and have absolutely no right to feel "disappointed" if they don't get the honeymoon of their dreams at everyone else's expense!

Gift them whatever amount you want and/or are able to gift them and if they are anything other than delighted and extremely grateful, take it back and let them fund their own wedding!

jap200 · 18 July 2012 at 8:30AM

I have never heard of a situation before where the couple aren't paying for their own honeymoon anyway! Surely it's the least they can do if they are getting everything else paid for by their parents.

If the couple can't afford an expensive honeymoon then they will just have to scale back their plans - that really goes for the whole wedding too. Nobody needs all of that stuff to get married - it's all just 'nice-to-have's'. You can be very happily married on a small budget (I know because I did it) and have a fantastic, but modest, romantic honeymoon.

newcook · 18 July 2012 at 8:54AM

has the honeymoon already been booked? if not I would tell them you cant afford to put in anymore without scrimping on other things you had planned for the wedding and that the couple will just have to either chip in themselves or book something cheaper.

I too agree that you should all sit down and discuss it.

Surfer · 18 July 2012 at 8:57AM

Very lucky to have parents that can contribute towards wedding and honeymoon. We had to save up and pay for it all ourselves. Maybe if they paid for their honeymoon they would valued their relationship a lot more!

Real-life MMD: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

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