Absolute Despair - Can you guide me?

Barbiegirl_2 · 16 January 2008 at 10:22PM

Hi all,

Some may recall a few weeks ago when I posted about problems at home. They never got any better and have definitely deteriorated beyond recognition. I accept that some of our problems are my fault and have appologised. Did I get an appology back OF COURSE NOT.

Well I knew in my heart that a separation was inevitable and today my husband told me that he will try a be out of our house by Friday! Okay I said whatever makes you happy. Our baby is due in a few weeks and I can't get out of my head how I will manage moneywise (going on maternity at the end of January), and also the prospect of going to have the baby alone, coming home alone......

I have an appointment on Monday to finalise my C-Section operation and guess I have so alone all the way through that if he's not there will it really make that much difference? I am going to try and get some support from Chuch. The cot is still in pieces, the bathroom unfinished and piles of his stuff everywhere. I am trying to be careful about lifting etc but I have no one else to help me in the interim.

Basically, has this sort of thing happened to any of you? Did your husband/boyfriend walkout on you before you had the baby? How did you cope with everything? He resents me so much that even asking him to pick up some milk on his way home didn't happen. I walked alone to the shop to get some when he got back. He was really cross because I didn't make him lunch for work today. I have been waking up around 02:00 - 03:00 everyday and in that time I try do housework etc but today I just didn't feel like making lunch. I am so drained, in pain, stressed and so worried the baby is giong to come early........

Thanks for listening.

floss2 · 16 January 2008 at 10:30PM

Do you have any family that can help? Or friends who could give you a hand to build the cot & help you sort stuff out?

Speak to your midwife....she may be a good person to talk to about what support would be helfpul when you get home...or even arrange for a few extra nights in hospital if soembody can't be there at the right time.

:grouphug:

Please don't get upset about his lunch...if he can't buy milk, why should you make his lunch? Can he not do it himself, or buy some?

Floss xx

flutterbyuk25 · 16 January 2008 at 10:32PM

((((big hugs))))

Sorry but I don't have any useful advice for you but i hope that you get it all sorted.

You should try find out what benefits etc you would be entitled to if you are to be a single parent. You should get a reduction in council tax - 25% I think.

The Church should hopefully be able to help you and maybe point you to others who have been in a similar situation for help/advise.

Do you have any friends/family who can help you out?

Hope things get better soon

x

Barbiegirl_2 · 16 January 2008 at 10:37PM

Hi,

We are not originally from the UK. My mother moved over here a few years ago but lives about 4 hours drive from here.

Sorry for being vague about my roots but I afraid of certain people identyfying me.

I have a few friends but none that could be relied upon to help me out. I didn't mention above that I also have a little girl who is 4. Tonight she blurted out that her dad should go and live somewhere else so there won't be anymore fighting. He said that I have put her against him. I would never do such a thing but perhaps kids can speak the truth. Surely two parents arguing all the time is no good for the kids? About the lunch he asked what was my excuse for not making any? I said that I was busy sorting things out and lost track of time...

I'm half asleep sorry for all the errors....

cazziebo · 16 January 2008 at 10:45PM

Hugs!!

Not quite been in your situation but my ex left when DD2 was five months old. Yes things were tough but there were lots of positives. I knew where I was because I never had to rely on anyone else. I had complete control over how we did things. we had lots and lots of fun because there was only ever the three of us to think about. We could do mad things on a Saturday afternoon like indoor picnics when it was raining or have sleepovers. My daughters got 100% of my attention because there was never an OH to demand any of it.

You'll cope because you are that kind of person. I also got lots of moral support from my church and from friends. don't make things harder than they have to be. Accept help when you need it, and look after yourself. Stop running around after the ex - and make sure he picks up on his responsibilities.

You have a lovely future to look forward to with your baby. I hope it all goes well.

XXX

newbie71_2 · 16 January 2008 at 10:47PM

Hi Barbiegirl

I am so sorry to hear your story. Have you considered perhaps upping sticks and going to live with your mother or in the same town as her - is that a possibility? If you don't have strong roots and a friends in the place you are currently in perhaps a move might be a good option if it's viable?

I had a friend of a friend whose partner walked out on her when she was 8 months pregnant and decided he simply didn't want to know. Once the baby was born she moved several hundred miles back to where her parents lived.

As loads of other people will know it's tough enough being with your partner and having youngsters let alone going it alone.

I really wish you the very best with everything. xx

floss2 · 16 January 2008 at 10:52PM

Maybe you could go & have an early night, then if you wake at 2/3am again, you've had some sleep.

Speak to your priest / church leader - they may be able to support you.

As other posters have suggested, maybe you could look at what you would have in benefits if a mum with 2 children, and also think about moving to be near your mum?

Love Floss xx

Barbiegirl_2 · 16 January 2008 at 11:00PM

I am going to try and sleep now. I have been in tears most of today. It's really hard trying to hide it all at work. There is not much where my mother lives. We don't have a close relationship and I couldn't rely on her to help us....she just isn't that sort of person.

Thanks everyone.

bestpud · 16 January 2008 at 11:13PM

Contact Homestart if there is one in your area as they will offer you ongoing emotional and practical help/support.

They really are very good.

You should be able to get the number of your local branch if you google homestart uk and get their main website.

Careful_with_that_Axe · 16 January 2008 at 11:16PM

So sorry to hear of your problems. Do talk to anyone who may be able to help; midwife, doctor - whoever. Do you have a sympathetic HR Department at work who you could talk to in confidence? It may be better for you to take some time off from work prior to your Maternity Leave.

I've gone through 2 marriage break ups myself and, believe me, there is life at the other end. It just takes time.

Am sending you good thoughts

cazziebo · 16 January 2008 at 11:17PM

double post - how did that happen?!

Absolute Despair - Can you guide me?

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