My Daughter nearly set the house on Fire ..HELP ???

How old is she? can you not put a child gate on her room so that she isn't downstairs when you are in bed? Do you not hear her going downstairs in the early hours? A bit more info would be good... certainly sounds like she needs close monitoring

Yes I wondered how old she was too? And why did the smoke alarm not go off?

keys wrote: »

. Its a good job he is a fireman as I wouldve probably slept through and he recognised the smell .Otherwise neither of us would probably be alive now after the fumes would have killed us after another hour or so.

I take it you have smoke detectors in the house?

You dont have a naughty step because there is too much for her to do in her room?! Since when does a naughty step have to be in her room. She must be aged about 3 if you say she is in nursery, so its not her thats the problem, its you, sorry but as you say she is a danger and that is because she is allowed to be. Stairgates, alarms, there are plenty of safety things out there to minimise the risk in the short term, to her damaging herself and others. However her behaviour, you need to learn how to manage it and fast.

Is she bored at home. Bored children become destructive (i know through experience, the times I have been too lazy to do something with my two, tends to be the times i find something damaged, broken, drawn on etc) so try to provide her with a structured day, with 15 to 20 minutes break between activites for her to play herself and you to do what you need to do.

Take her out of the house when you can, to the park or if you have a garden, wrap her up well and help her work off some energy. My eldest child has always had me amazed at the sheer amount of energy she has, from the moment her feet touches the floor to getting back into bed at night, there is no stopping her.

Bright children need more stimulation as well, not just physical. At the age of 3, if thats what she is, you can get fun work books that will exercise her mind and give you and her some one on one time with her.

Finally, you are her parent, before you are her friend. That comes second. This means that when she is doing naughty things, you need to show her you are the one in control, not her. Sit yourself down, write out all the things she does that you dont like, Cross off the silly things that in the grand scheme of things dont matter. You should be left with a list of dangerous things or things she needs to do for her own benefit such as eating meals/brushing teeth. The important things. Now decide how you are going to deal with each thing when it happens. Find a naughty step/corner/room and be prepared to put her back on it time and time again, she will eventually get the message.

With my two, aged 4 and 3, they get three warnings to stop the behaviour I dont like. After three, its naughty step. If the behaviour then carries on, its loss of privallege, such as the games console my 4 year old loves so much, or no tv. If it still carries on, then its a smack. It very very very rarely reaches that stage however they know its an option I will use if I feel the need to. Each to their own.

Everytime you punish her, however way you do it, be consistent. Stick to punishing her by the same method over and over again. If you arent consistent in your behaviour to her, she wont be in her behaviour to you. She needs to learn boundaries with you and what she can expect when it goes wrong.

I am guilty of this, but DONT let the situation escalate. Sometimes when I have to punish my two, it can seem totally ineffective, so its tempting to heap on any old punishment you can think of till you get a reaction/remorse/tears. Thats totally pointless. Choose your punishment method and stick to it, even if it seems like your daughter doesnt care.

Finally, she will need incentives for showing good behaviour. You can try reward charts, they do work I think. Set the house rules with her, and let her know when she does something you like, you will let her put a sticker on her chart. If at the end of the week she has a certain amount of stickers, only then will you take her ice skating etc etc. If she is naughty, its tempting to take a sticker off, but dont. You want her to see the reward chart as something totally positive.

Dont lose heart either...as soon as your daughter finds you are trying to get control, her behaviour will get worse before it gets better. Hang on in there, it does get better as long as you stay consistent, firm and fair.

(i say all this like I am the perfect mother, but I am often guilty of shouting or losing control by the exaggeration of the punishment to get a reaction, its not easy but keep trying, i do!)

My son is very much the same at times we just dont seem to be able to get through to him. As a loast resort we have completely emptied his room apart from clothes and his bed. He is now earning back his things each day and he does seem to be improving alot especially as his beloved DS lite is on the bottom of the list for things to be returned to him. He is 7 by the way not sure if it will help you :-)