Living with a hopeless spender.

supersavershal · 29 August 2007 at 3:59PM

My OH is hopeless with money.We both earn a decent amount for our standard of living but he fritters money away like there is no tomorrow.Since January when I had our second child I have been trying to sort our money and spending out.We are ok and have enough to pay everything, I just want us to be more sensible.He thinks credit cards are wonderful and cant see the point in paying more than the minimum payment.He would not know any of the APRs on his card.He buys himself "toys" all the time and I do mean toys like star wars figures, light sabers and remote control cars.He borrows money in work for takeaways and rubbish and if we go for a day out he insists on eating in restraunts rather than take a packed lunch.He laughed at me for reading martins books and thinks this site is ridiculas.Im going to post regular on this thread about his extravagant life of King Tut as he exasperates me and I dont know what to do with him.Today he has refused to do a meal plan with me, he thinks we should just go to the Asda and see what we fancy and maybe there will be some new figures in he can get. (i have refused so hes gone to bed in a huff)

Sagaris · 29 August 2007 at 4:04PM

Gone to bed in a huff? Then I suggest you continue to treat his like the child he is, and leave him there without any dinner!

Sounds like you have 3 children there supersaver, I have no idea what the solution is to make him 'see the light', I'm sure others will follow with good advice - just sending (((hugs))) in the meantime.

(Land_of)_Maz · 29 August 2007 at 4:08PM

Oh Shal.... you poor thing. it's hard when you want to make MSE a way of life and you cannot do it together cause he's not there yet.

I can't really advise on it but i can sympathise! As can many others!

He might have his Light Bulb Moment soon, and then you can go forward together. Alternatively, just remember that what you are doing alone is making a difference anyway... he may well buy in once he sees the benefits.:grouphug: meantime, group hug to keep you going. You will get loads support here!

immoral_angeluk · 29 August 2007 at 4:09PM

I can completely relate as my OH was exactly the same when I had my lightbulb moment. It's taken him a while to accept that we couldn't carry on as we were and only now he's starting to see the benefit of all our hard work is he now appreciating it.

Shineyhappy · 29 August 2007 at 4:12PM

Have you sat down with him and gone through all your financial ins and outs? My ex was like your OH and except it was 3k fishtanks, laptops, suround sound etc and it infuriated me. Thankfully we didnt have kids so he spent whatever he wanted out of his money and said I couldnt complain as he paid his share of the bills. I knew we didnt have a future together so there didnt seem much point in arguing over it. I continued to try and spend all my spare cash paying off debts whilst he continued to run his up.

How do you organise your finances? Make sure no debts are in join names and if I were you I would keep any spare cash a secret if you cant talk some sense into him!

chevalier · 29 August 2007 at 5:53PM

supersavershal wrote: »

My OH is hopeless with money.We both earn a decent amount for our standard of living but he fritters money away like there is no tomorrow.Does that mean he has no pension, health insurance if suddenly he became ill has he thought of that?
Since January when I had our second child I have been trying to sort our money and spending out.We are ok and have enough to pay everything, I just want us to be more sensible.And he doesn't want to be sensible because? Means he has to grow up? Be responsible?
He thinks credit cards are wonderful and cant see the point in paying more than the minimum payment.He would not know any of the APRs on his card.Perhaps the way forward with this, is to show him how many more toys he could buy if he wasn't paying £1000's in interest a year on the cards he has. Have a look at www.whatsthecost.com and you can snowball your debts. This allows you to see your debt free date, and also which debts to pay off first to save interest. Perhpas seeing it in black and white, might shock him into recognising that he can't keep spending the way he did when he was single.
He buys himself "toys" all the time and I do mean toys like star wars figures, light sabers and remote control cars.He borrows money in work for takeaways and rubbish and if we go for a day out he insists on eating in restraunts rather than take a packed lunch.Oh boy. How old is he 15? This is really immatyre behaviour, especially if he plays with the toys, rather than keeping them pristine for investments. That I could just about understand.

He laughed at me for reading martins books and thinks this site is ridiculas.Hmm now I think that his behaviour is less laughable. It is quite undermining of your intentions and feelings on the subject if he laughs at your efforts. Is this way of your doing the finances a new thing? Might he feel threatened by it, ie by you being more assertive and wanting to sort things out, rather than going along with his spend anything on rubbish mentality?
Today he has refused to do a meal plan with me, he thinks we should just go to the Asda and see what we fancy and maybe there will be some new figures in he can get. (i have refused so hes gone to bed in a huff)
Again he wants to be spontaneous and you want to plan. Being spontaneous is fun and expensive, planning is boring and responsible, and you can't spend money. Might this be part of the problem? Ie he can't see that having more money after paying off debts, can be fun too?

Personally I would do the meal plan and order it via Asda online, that way not only do you ONLY get what you need for the meal plan, he can't throw any toys in the shopping cart, plus you don't get stressed about going shopping and you save money. I think that diversion will be the thing with him.

I would say to him. You are such a spend thrift I bet you couldn't have a no spend week if you tried. I know I could. Maybe if you make it a challenge, then that would work. On the other hand he might well blow all of the money he hasn't spent that week.

The other thing to do is set up a bills account that you can set up a direct debit from each of your accounts to pay into. Then tell him that the amount each of you has to pay is say £100 more than it actually is, then put the surplus into an isa each month on the sly. Not great I know. But at the end of 12 months you can tell him he has saved £1200 and not even noticed it. Blah Blah.

As you have two young children, it is time for him to grow up. You are not his mother. But in the end the only way to curb his spending may be to treat him like a child, take his cards off him and give him pocket money. When it is gone for the week it is gone til next week. At least then you could make overpayments on the cards with the money he isn't spending on trash.

Best of luck. Sadly there have been instances, where couples have split up over such as this. Whilst I truely hope you can work through this, you may have to threaten this to get him to see the light.
chev

poppyjay · 29 August 2007 at 6:00PM

i have one of these at home aswell big hugs and good luck with everything

gems2381 · 29 August 2007 at 6:04PM

My boyfriend has been terrible with money, we've both moved home again this week after living together for 6 months. He owes me £2500 and today i've made him go for an interview for a weekend job in a nightclub, i will get my money back!
My thinking is if he's working all weekend and earning money he can't go out spending it!

Burlesque_Babe · 29 August 2007 at 6:04PM

My ex was, and still is a hopeless spender.

His vices are wine, antiques and good food.

When we were together, I ended up dreading Sundays because it meant getting up, reading the 3 delivered Sunday newspapers, then go for a drive in the country looking for an antiques fair (and often buying something), probably a couple of expensive petrol station sandwiches and then a trip to Sainsburys for 'something nice' for dinner. To be fair, I also spent the money, but it got to the point where I hated spending it so easily and I dreaded finding an antiques fair out on our travels.

Food had to be Tesco Finest or the Sainsbury equivalent, £80 out for dinner in the evening for 2 was 'normal' and however broke we were there HAD to be wine in the house.

He is still the same,although he is now single. I still see him when I pick up our dog for a walk and I can see all the bottles of wine stored around the house, and the branded food packaging in the bins. I can't ever think of a time I've seen a Value item in the house.

He has woken up a bit when he realised how much he was paying in CC interest. I helped him move it all (10k) to a couple of 0% BT cards but he has already spent some on one of them. I don't think some people can be helped.

spud30 · 29 August 2007 at 6:05PM

poppyjay wrote: »

i have one of these at home aswell big hugs and good luck with everything

Yep, me too.

I once sent mine shopping, asked him to get tesco value basics because we were really short of money. He came back with a bloomin birthday cake, and it wasnt even anyone's birthday :rolleyes:

Mine is getting better, but I do have to be firm with him

supersavershal · 29 August 2007 at 6:38PM

He is a lovely man and his boyish ways are one of the reasons I fell for him.He is a great father.I have total control of all the money I even have his bank card.He admits he is crap with money.I dont think he will ever change, he says its because when he was a child there was little money for toys and treats so he makes up for it now.I came from a quite wealthy background but am good with money.We only really have one big debt now a consolidation loan but that is why I am determined never to run the cards up again.His take on life is "its only debt if you cant afford to pay it".I keep telling him I dont want to get to the point where I cant afford it.Ive also reduced my hours at work following mat leave but I budgeted so we could afford this but it wouldnt take much to rock the boat.I come here because all the stories are so inspirational and I have learnt so much.My friends and family are fed up with hearing me telling them to come here.
Also my housework is suffering and I havnt ebayed as much as I come here, lose track of time and end up on here for a couple of hrs.

Living with a hopeless spender.

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