Not very amicable split

Pollyanna, I think you should consider going part time just now, whether he is in the house or not. Find the older one a nursery before the baby comes, as it would be easier for her, and means you can get some time to yourself with baby number 2, and live as if you are single, make sure sh'e in nursery when you are at work, and that he has no excuse to get off his !!! and get a job. BTW If you were a man I would be telling you the same thing. It's one thing for one of the parents to stay at home as long as the working parent is happy with the situation, and is not under too much pressure to be the breadwinner, IMO, but if the breadwinner is not happy then both parties should be willing to compromise. He sounds like a lazy s0d to me, I kow people of both sexes who are exactly the same. One in particular who has anther child every time the job centre come a-knockin'!

Whilst I have a lot of sympathy for you OP, as you are clearly uncomfortable with the current situation, I also think you are being unfair.

Your DP is the main carer for your child, and you work full time. You are now pregnant again, with a child you say that your DP doesn't want. So a few questions - did you discuss getting pg again with your DP? If so, was he up for it? If not, how come you ended up pregnant without his agreement? Your decision to take a years mat leave and to work P/t once baby is here - have you discussed this with your DP? Is he in agreement with it?

I could be completely barking up the wrong tree here, but I get the impression that you are making MAJOR life decisions unilaterally, and I'm not suprised your DP is angry with you, and thinking that he doesn't want to give this relationship a chance. The decisions you are making are affecting him as well as you. I totally get that you are not happy being the main breadwinner and working full time, but that seems to be the most sensible option for the time being. I think you are very resentful of your DH being at home with your DD, and making his life hell, questioning who he spends his days with, and critising his parenting.

I'm female, my DH works f/t, and I part time. If my husband suddenly decided unilaterally that he was going to cut down to p/t, or take a year off of work, I would be furious, it would have a major impact on me, I deserve to be part of the decision! Similarly, if he decided unilaterally that we were going to have another baby (not really possible since I'm female, but still) and forged ahead without my agreement, that would be the end of our relationship. And, trust me, the fur would be flying if he came home from work each day, and critised how I was bringing up the children and who I was spending time with!

I think, if its at all possible that its not too late, you need to sit down and talk to your DH and try to work this out.

If you do split up, ultimately the situation that follows has to be what is best for YOUR CHILD, and not best for YOU. Therefore, I'm afraid I would say she is best off with your DP, as he is her primary care giver. And as the absent parent, your responsibility would be to work f/t and support her financially. You currently work full time, I don't see why, just because you split up, that you feel that should change?

Is the dad really the primary carer if the OP does all the caring when she's at home - evenings and weekends? OP works 35 hours a week, so 7 hours a day, allowing a couple of hours for breaks and commute...the dad does the caring maybe 9 hours a day for 5 days so around 45 hours a week. OP could be doing a similar number of hours as well (depending on age of child and how long she's awake).

Is his name on the mortgage or property at all?