I don't know if I can do this anymore

elisebutt65 wrote: »

OMG - He took money from your bank account without asking???

I would go absolutely ape at that!!!!

He is stealing from you and the kids by doing this - Is he all there????

I agree. I would certainly change my bank account details and I would keep my wages for bills and debts etc, and I would keep the child benefit/tax credits for the children's needs. I would not be giving him spending money for red bull and chocolate.

If his business needs start up money, at least do it in a business like manner - get him to open a separate business account, to explain his business to you in a way that you can understand so you can see its profit making potential, and agree on an amount that he can borrow from household finances, and have a repayment agreement.

Then it is up to him whether he can make the business pay, and if he needs pocket money for red bull and chocolate, then he will have to earn it.

Sure he still won't be contributing to household finances, but at least he won't be taking from them either.

I agree also with contacting al anon - although it is set up to provide support for partners and relatives of alcoholics, they deal with these types of problems every day.

I would also check his history on the computer as this could potentially be an addiction problem (I am not saying it is, but it is worth checking, as it is very easy for people to get hooked on online gambling, spread betting, poker etc)

Good luck!

I think it is terrible how he seems to speak to you, whether you touched a nerve or not! I think I would be out of there by now (or kicking him out) and see how he survives then with the money from his 'business' when he doesn't have to to feed him and pay for the house...

Starting a new business is a massive decision that shouldn't really be done in the first place without figuring out first whether the family can afford to go without another income while it's being set up. It's somewhat irresponsible for him to do it and assume one fulltime worker on a low/average wage can then provide for the rest of the family.

Realistically, he should at least be looking at getting a part-time job and doing the new business part time too (maybe if you call it part time rather than a hobby it'd be better), but somehow I don't think he'd appreciate this.

And that's the problem. You shouldn't have to be making him aware that the family needs more income - he should already know and be trying to address it. He shouldn't make you feel bad for sorting it out - you're supposed to be a partnership.

Anyone can say they're setting up new work online. While there are some very successful web designers, etc, there are also many more who teach themselves a few basic skills but never go anywhere with them. If his work is good enough, he'll get more work through word of mouth, and that (plus a nice site of his own) should give him enough free time to earn income elsewhere.

He's got to wake up or maybe you do need to take a next step perhaps away from him, though I can't imagine that would be easy. But if you're just about managing and he's not bringing *any* money in, then surely you can cope without him? Sorry if that sounds blunt. You should certainly try and fix things if there's still hope, but you can't do that if he keeps his head in the sand.

Ask him how else you as a family could fix the income problem, and/or how long he expects it to be before there will be income from his 'business'.

Best of luck.

mistrihelen wrote: »

Starting a new business is a massive decision that shouldn't really be done in the first place without figuring out first whether the family can afford to go without another income while it's being set up. It's somewhat irresponsible for him to do it and assume one fulltime worker on a low/average wage can then provide for the rest of the family.

Realistically, he should at least be looking at getting a part-time job and doing the new business part time too (maybe if you call it part time rather than a hobby it'd be better), but somehow I don't think he'd appreciate this.

And that's the problem. You shouldn't have to be making him aware that the family needs more income - he should already know and be trying to address it. He shouldn't make you feel bad for sorting it out - you're supposed to be a partnership.

Anyone can say they're setting up new work online. While there are some very successful web designers, etc, there are also many more who teach themselves a few basic skills but never go anywhere with them. If his work is good enough, he'll get more work through word of mouth, and that (plus a nice site of his own) should give him enough free time to earn income elsewhere.

Ask him how else you as a family could fix the income problem, and/or how long he expects it to be before there will be income from his 'business'.

A very good post and although I have tried to be impartial, it does seem like his business isn't anything of the sort, but ultimately we don't know that, the OP can find it out, or she can look at the results.
Having an idea and calling it a job are only the start, then it has to work. If it doesn't them something is going wrong, either the ideas wrong, or it's being done in the wrong way.
Businesses only lose money until they are set up and going, that can mean different things for different businesses, but as a one man band he should be basically making money from job one or two.
He's not, why, what's the money going on, that's what you need to find out.

If he's serious about a business then he will or should be keeping some sort of accounts, how much did it cost to set up, has he got the reciepts to claim it back when he makes a profit, has he found out how much an accountant will cost him.

Ultimately, has he done the figures to find out how much the business will cost to run a year? And then how many jobs does he need to do to make a profit. And even more important, a living.

I'm afraid it doesn't sound like any of this has been done and I've seen this so many times....... start a business, don't run it properly, don't keep any sort of records, tax man comes, disaster, collapse of "business" oh sh*t we've got no money.

Right, I started a business approx 3 weeks ago. I'm a sole trader and work from home, so similar situ. Thus far I (obviously) am not making any financial cont to the household, but we discussed this long before I left employment to start, and cut right back to pay off debts etc, moved to a cheaper house, did more spreadsheets than I even want to think about, to make sure we could survive:o

I have a daughter (6) who I care for, OH works long hours so does not see her much during the week. I tend to do the day to day chores, but big clean at weekend is sort of shared. I do not do bins or floors. Ever:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Totally his dept!

Admittedly I have just found out I am pregnant, so housework slightly less important as I am completely knackered of an evening!:eek:
I would not do the things your DH has done. Money transfer, talking to you like that etc. I am grateful to OH for supporting us, and although I do not grovel etc (I expect he'd love me too:D) I'm mindful of the opportunity he has enabled me to have. He's the first man I have trusted to support me like this, and I'm feeling bl**dy lucky to have him.
Oh God emotional hormanal blubbing :rotfl::rotfl:I'll shut up and go away now.