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  • FIRST POST
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 1st Jan 19, 2:36 PM
    • 10,465Posts
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    Mooloo
    I will cut my coat according to my cloth. Mooloo 2019
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 19, 2:36 PM
    I will cut my coat according to my cloth. Mooloo 2019 1st Jan 19 at 2:36 PM
    As I am a Seamstress, and this year is about my sorting out my life and changing my direction, finally loosing the family debts etc perhaps the title is the most apt I can come up with this year.
    Here is to 2019 and a frugal year to change my direction so that I can rebuild my dreams in the next year.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 33
    • hb2
    • By hb2 16th Apr 19, 8:45 AM
    • 300 Posts
    • 786 Thanks
    hb2
    I'm sorry that you had such a bad night Mooloo (((hugs))). Don't forget that there is caffeine in chocolate too, although I don't know the comparative amounts between cocoa and tea.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 16th Apr 19, 10:00 AM
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    pollyanna 26
    Sorry you're having restless nights and the nightmares are back . You have so many things to think about at the moment. I've no idea why ds couldn't sort things at the bank but he needs all financial connections to the gf severed . If he is responsible for debt related to when he lived there he can arrange to pay his share .
    He needs to make it clear to all involved that he no longer lives there , holds residency for the little ones and the relationship is over .
    He can open a basic bank account if his earnings are paid into an account . If he's receiving any benefits they can go in too. The advantage is he can't go overdrawn or have a credit card . So if not done already , clear letters to all concerned and a copy kept .


    It must be good to see the space for the workshop dug out . Exciting times indeed . Do you like herbal teas? Some of them are very helpful when sleep is difficult .
    pollyx
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th Apr 19, 6:16 PM
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    Mooloo
    Bank said that subscriptions would roll over to any new card he had so it would not stop what she's already doing. Amazon said due to data protection they can't deal with DS ( even though she's used his details the account is in her name!)
    I have suggested that he emails her to say that she is committing fraud and unless she stops and refunds him, then he will have no choice but to go to the legal route. ( not sure what legal route, but as she's not the brain of Britain she might think twice!)
    Shop is busy, and that's good. But I am fed up of explaining that I might be convenient etc not enough people buy to be sustainable.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 16th Apr 19, 6:34 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    I can see a problem Mooloo . Whether he's given her his bank and card details or she's come across them herself he will struggle to sort this as he'll be seen not to have protected his security.
    He needs to stop any cards in his name and open another account.
    No one but me knows my bank details however trustworthy. It's part of the terms and conditions and not protecting those pins , card numbers etc remove protection if fraud occurs.
    pollyx


    ETA If the accounts with amazon and the subscriptions are solely in her name and she's using a card solely in your sons name it is fraud .He probably wont get back what she's spent but the situation needs clearly explaining to the bank,amazon and whoever the subscriptions are with.
    A notice removing him from any future link with her financially can be done stating he will not be responsible.
    Keep a paper trail of all contact with the bank etc
    Last edited by pollyanna 26; 16-04-2019 at 6:48 PM.
    • charlie3090
    • By charlie3090 16th Apr 19, 6:54 PM
    • 351 Posts
    • 832 Thanks
    charlie3090
    Moo,

    if the account is in his sole name,can he just close the account and open a new one with another bank?,
    they cant take money if there is no account any more. x
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 16th Apr 19, 8:32 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    Moo,

    if the account is in his sole name,can he just close the account and open a new one with another bank?,
    they cant take money if there is no account any more. x
    Originally posted by charlie3090

    I think I forgot to mention opening his new account at another bank. He needs to research which banks aren't connected to his present one as a number are in groups. There are a few banks which are pretty good at setting up new basic accounts . Nationwide is one which comes to mind but as I say it depends who he's banking with now.
    polly
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 16th Apr 19, 8:48 PM
    • 62,561 Posts
    • 270,613 Thanks
    beanielou
    Yes, good idea for DS to open a new basic bank account which is unrelated to any other account.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th Apr 19, 8:54 PM
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    Mooloo
    Stressed tonight.
    DS has gone walk about to clear his head he said, but I think he is avoiding me as I said I needed to talk money etc.
    My Mums best and last friend died today, and I also cared about her, knowing her 40 years, and it is hurting me not to mention Mum.
    Trying to look forward but feel very stuck in the mud at the moment.
    Luckily tomorrow is another day and hopefully we will start again.
    My loan for the workshop has come through, scary and exciting too.
    I have to make it work now and I don't need the family rubbish to distract me, but tonight I actually broke down and gave it the full loud shoulder shaking tear making sobs.
    I had a fleeting moment where I thought I would go get Dgd home tomorrow, get on a plane and use my funds to start a new life. But obviously it's fleeting and reality knows that I cannot be impetuous and I am to face the flack what ever it is.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 16th Apr 19, 9:27 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    I'm so sorry to hear about your mums friend . So sad and upsetting for you both after so many years for your mum and then you too.


    It's horrible how so many things hit at once. Cry as much as you need for all the different reasons . You stay strong,carry on but sometimes tears are needed and now is a time to let them lead you to some healing. Tears aren't just for taking dust from our eyes they're a release for pent up emotion and exhaustion.


    I understand feeling like escaping but it doesn't answer anything so was just a fleeting thought. When you are calmer firmly tell ds you are trying to untangle a messy situation not of your making and he can't just walk away when the going gets tough and leave the mess to you.


    Anyway on a lighter note . I'm so pleased the money is through for the workshop . Have you picked the one you want yet? You mentioned customers not wanting you to leave the shop . Just keep pushing the fact you are relocating and will let them know when things are sorted.


    I wish I could give you a hug Mooloo but am sending a virtual one to you,your dear mum and the rest of the family who knew your mums friend.
    pollyx
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 16th Apr 19, 9:42 PM
    • 62,561 Posts
    • 270,613 Thanks
    beanielou
    Happy news on the workshop .
    Sorry the rest is getting you down,keep plodding
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 17th Apr 19, 7:08 AM
    • 10,465 Posts
    • 53,396 Thanks
    Mooloo
    DS didn't come home last night, I messaged him at 2am asking if he planned to come home, he said that he was at a friends who was in trouble, making sure they are ok. I am not impressed. I told him it is only polite to let your host know what you are doing, but even more so when your host is your Mum. I said don't bother answering just think about it, and I tried to get to sleep.
    I woke up to the sound of the Bins being emptied. I could have slept longer, nobody else here this morning.
    I have moved the loan into the savings account until it's needed.
    I have an idea of the building that I want, but have yet to order it.
    I will put the exact order in when the hardcore etc has been done, as my neighbour will be doing it in with his extensions works.
    I plan to gather my sewing machines that need services (beyond the services that I can do), and drive them over to the warehouse, take Mum along with me for a jolly, have lunch somewhere on the way back.
    I plan to enjoy my day.
    I realise that DS is not going to hurry to talk to me, sadly, and I cannot help him without his envolvement.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 17th Apr 19, 8:18 AM
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    pollyanna 26
    Mooloo he needs to forget his friends troubles and get his backside back to yours and put a block on whatever bank cards he holds. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but he's abusing your hospitality and causing you stress.You need to tell him you will not tolerate this behaviour any longer and if he wont sort out the things he needs to do and show respect he's no longer welcome under your roof . Just scare the h*ll out of him!
    pollyx
    • supermezzo
    • By supermezzo 17th Apr 19, 11:09 AM
    • 996 Posts
    • 1,104 Thanks
    supermezzo
    You can ask the bank to block payments to certain companies, I think (we had to do it when booking a holiday and they kept taking the same payment over and over again!).

    Or report it stolen and drop her in sh*t - sorry to be harsh but it sounds like he needs to be in order to stop her.
    It aint over til I've done singing....
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 17th Apr 19, 12:35 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    You can ask the bank to block payments to certain companies, I think (we had to do it when booking a holiday and they kept taking the same payment over and over again!).

    Or report it stolen and drop her in sh*t - sorry to be harsh but it sounds like he needs to be in order to stop her.
    Originally posted by supermezzo

    I don't believe he needs to be harsh or report the card or cards stolen . He needs to be proactive , get any cards in his name blocked now and find a bank not connected to his present one and open a new basic account there. Then he closes his previous bank account and transfers any dds etc to the new one . Once the cards are blocked any attempts by the gf to use those details will be invalid and will not go through.
    I've no idea what the subscription is for but if it's for something he signed up for he's best cancelling it. If she signed up he needs to make it clear to the company what has happened .
    He has today and tomorrow to sort this out . Friday and Monday are bank holidays . The longer he avoids this the worse it will get. If the card/cards are solely in his name he can expect a rollicking from his present bank and no chance of recovering any money she's used because he didn't follow the rules and protect his details.
    polly
    • -taff
    • By -taff 17th Apr 19, 3:54 PM
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    -taff
    it may be a joint account.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 17th Apr 19, 4:06 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    Which is why I have said If the card/cards are solely in his name.
    polly
    Last edited by pollyanna 26; 17-04-2019 at 9:56 PM. Reason: typo
    • hb2
    • By hb2 17th Apr 19, 4:35 PM
    • 300 Posts
    • 786 Thanks
    hb2
    Mooloo, I am very sorry to hear about your mum's friend (((huggs))).

    I do agree that your son is letting things slip, when he should be proactive at trying to sort out the financial situation. Getting him to understand that might be rather more difficult though

    I am pretty sure that I have seen notices in our local paper saying that X is no longer responsible for Y's debts, but I don't know exactly how that works.
    • -taff
    • By -taff 17th Apr 19, 7:42 PM
    • 9,872 Posts
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    -taff
    Bank said that subscriptions would roll over to any new card he had so it would not stop what she's already doing. Amazon said due to data protection they can't deal with DS ( even though she's used his details the account is in her name!)
    Originally posted by Mooloo

    If he goes online, he can go through the direct debits associated with that card and cancel them.
    • Little Miss Winner
    • By Little Miss Winner 18th Apr 19, 12:33 AM
    • 4,027 Posts
    • 136,173 Thanks
    Little Miss Winner
    Sorry about your mums friend. Hope you had a better day xx
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 18th Apr 19, 6:42 AM
    • 10,465 Posts
    • 53,396 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I had a good day with my Mum. We went all over the place. B and M for the randomness of a new loo seat and antihistamine tablets for her hay fever. The Garden Centre to look at the Workshops, lunch, popped in the hairdressers to book our appointment in May, and over to the Sewing warehouse to drop off the machines that need services, and buy threads.
    Back via a different garden centre, and Aldi to pick up a salad for tea.
    My brother came up on Skype and not long after my sister did, so we had great long chats. Then we chatted about anything and everything over a few brandy cokes.
    DS called after midnight, he was coming home from work and had both left tyres blow out on a pothole. Unfortunately I didn't book him breakdown when I helped swap his car insurance, so at some ungodly hour I had to pay for a breakdown to go out to him, as he has nothing in the bank. So I used my business card as that was the only card to hand without disturbing my Mum.
    I will find out later today what transpired but as both left tyres went, and he only had one spare, it's not going to be cheap.
    So money discussion is priority today.
    The council needs proof of his income and the children's birth certificates etc because of my council tax and housing benefits so I will have that to sort out too. My expenses are spiralling. It's very scary.
    (I wonder if it was a pothole or if his car was tampered with outside his work?. Or am I just being cynical now?
    Time to shower and leave Mums and go to work.

    What next I ask
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
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