my boyfriend wants prenup and I'm pregnant

*miaomiao* · 13 April 2010 at 2:51PM

easy wrote: »

You know, in my book marrying someone means preparing to share your life with them.

I didn't enter my marriage looking at what would happen if we split up later. If you think that is a likelyhood, then you shouldn't be getting married at all (of course marriages break up, but don't you start married life in the hope that yours will succeed?)

The comment " he says I can live in his house, rent free and pay half of the bills and groceries" beggars belief. Once you are a couple surely it isn't 'his house', it becomes 'our house' where you both live, on equal terms ?? When we married DH came to live in the house I had bought when I was single, but it never crossed my mind to charge him 'rent'. When we needed a bigger place, that house was sold, and the proceeds became the deposit for the house we now own together.

Basic household expenses were dealt with, as we opened a joint bank account, and both put some money into it every month (he rather more than I, he earned more and wanted to do it that way), and we used that for paying food/utilities/general bits and pieces.

To be honest, this guy's attitude seems far too selfish, not caring, loving or giving, and I wouldn't be marrying him, if I was in your shoes.

Pretty sensible advice - why would you want to marry someone who is so negative. I'm not saying that pre-nups are a bad idea, but this one in particular sounds terrible and I wouldn't want anyone dictating such terms to me. You either do it together, or stay single and keep your independence and freedom. Good luck!:A

thorsoak · 13 April 2010 at 3:33PM

Whatever happened to "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer"?

I didn't see any comments at all about love or commitment!

Given the circumstances that the OP lists, I would not be even considering marriage to the man concerned. To me, it looks as if he is protecting his interests and laying claim to the unborn child. But what happens if this child is "damaged"? - ie is born with a birth defect?

Keep your dignity and identity - he can afford to pay the deposit on the rental of a suitable flat/house for you and his child and can pay maintenance. Then see what sort of person he actually is once the baby is born - and whether he loves you - and you love him enough to commit yourselves to each other!

peachyprice · 13 April 2010 at 3:39PM

What a [EMAIL="w@nker"]w@nker[/EMAIL] your boyfriend is.

paddy's_mum · 13 April 2010 at 3:55PM

Was this pregnancy planned and longed for, or are the two of you trying to do the right thing now that a 'disaster' has come to pass?

I believe that the circumstances may be fuelling the boyfriend's fears and views.

Primrose · 13 April 2010 at 3:58PM

This sounds to me as if he has very real doubts about the two of you being able to have a permanent relationship. Is he only offering marriage because you're pregnant? The reality is that he has earned his wealth and worked hard for it. Emotional commitment apart, you are bringing nothing to the relationship, apart from the complication of a child which he may or may not want.
Being very harsh, your probable best bet is to go it alone because this relationship doesn't sound as if it offers the fundamentals of trust and equal commitment.

MrsAnnie · 13 April 2010 at 4:09PM

Was your BF specific about what terms he would like written in the pre-nup?

Surely he doesn't expect you to walk away with nothing in the event of a divorce?...or does he??

ecgirl07 · 13 April 2010 at 4:24PM

Why is the guy getting pelters for wanting to protect what he already has? If the OP had her own flat and was moving in the consensus on here would be for her to rent it out and keep her flat for 1.just in case and 2. as a source of revenue. What does the OP want out a prenup? Or is she just wanting his money?

In this day and age when people bring different things to a relationship they should be able to leave it with what they brought but not half of what the partner already has ie what did heather mills mccartney do to earn royalties from bealtes songs?

lorietta · 13 April 2010 at 6:29PM

I think the reason she is worried is she is essentially giving up her career to be his housewife/a mother, nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't sound like it's out of choice. I doubt a pre-nup would mean he could get away without paying maintenance for this child and any others you do have. I would seek legal advice independantly.

I can see his point of view, but I would only agree if he agreed to move to the city so you could have your career.

SugarSpun · 13 April 2010 at 6:32PM

MY husband earns more than I do, about double in fact. When we decided to get married I suggested a prenup - not to grab half his stuff, but to make sure everything that he had coming into the marriage was noted since it's all family stuff and I didn't want a hypothetical future judge to take the heirlooms he'd never sell into account when it came to a settlement. I didn't want him to be out of pocket if the worst happened (although I fully intend to still be married to him when the first of us dies).

He refused and said that once we got married all our property was common property. I think this is a far healthier attitude to have, and I'd still think so if I was the higher earner.

Molly41 · 13 April 2010 at 6:56PM

Run for the hills.............

my boyfriend wants prenup and I'm pregnant

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