my boyfriend wants prenup and I'm pregnant

mazinmouse

The fact you have posted on here to ask the question speaks volumes to me!!

If I were in your shoes I'd feel quite uncomfortable with his attitude.

Running_Horse

Perhaps you should have been a little more careful with birth control, as your boyfriend is such an idiot.

over_flo

IMO a good marriage is built on trust .
The best marriages are those where energies are put into caring about the needs of the other partner.
If this is reciprocated you have a happy and long lasting relationship.

Of course this is an ideal situation and marriages can survive a bit of an inbalance,but your situation doesn't look promising does it?

In financial terms you'd be better of as a single Mum and claiming maintenance.
Two can play at the 'protecting your own interests' game!

skintchick

Strapped wrote: »

I think some people need to turn up their troll detectors.

I was about to congratulate the OP on the imminent arrival of the pitter patter of tiny hooves...

donquine

It doesn't matter whether a prenup is legally enforceable or not. A relationship is built on mutual feelings of love, trust and respect. A prenup does not suggest any of those feelings are present.

OP, if you weren't pregnant, would your OH want to marry you? Do you think he's ready emotionally to commit to spending the rest of his life with you, or have things been rushed for him? There's nothing to say you need to get married before you have the baby.

meritaten

OP - Why are you making excuses for this man? if YOU were the one with money would you make him sign a prenup? even though they arent a legal document here?
I think he has trust issues. refuse to marry him hun. he isnt worthy of you.
he has a very inflated idea of his own importance - and obviously he sees you as a sort of employee - with a contract. if it was me - i would say eff you and be gone. however much i loved someone - what he has done would kill it. I couldnt and wouldnt take that.
If you truly love someone you wouldnt for one minute think that they would harm you - physically or financially.
but I am alarmed at your intended seeming to think that wives pay rent??????? !!!!!!??? this rings alarm bells...........along with the prenup. this guy is seemingly money orientated and very controlling.
my advice? think very very carefully - if you do marry him, do you want to be accounting for every penny you spend? or be controlled through money? because it sounds to me as if he controls his money and thinks he can control people the same way.

Flearoy

...and who says romance is dead?

mqandy

To start with, they have no legal standing in the UK.

They are entirely American, and once married, would mean absolutely nothing at all in the UK.

From a legal point of view, you would be safe to accept, and then if things were to go wrong, take him to court anyway.

From a relationship point of view, run to the hills...

margaretclare

easy wrote: »

You know, in my book marrying someone means preparing to share your life with them.

I didn't enter my marriage looking at what would happen if we split up later. If you think that is a likelyhood, then you shouldn't be getting married at all (of course marriages break up, but don't you start married life in the hope that yours will succeed?)

The comment " he says I can live in his house, rent free and pay half of the bills and groceries" beggars belief. Once you are a couple surely it isn't 'his house', it becomes 'our house' where you both live, on equal terms ?? When we married DH came to live in the house I had bought when I was single, but it never crossed my mind to charge him 'rent'. When we needed a bigger place, that house was sold, and the proceeds became the deposit for the house we now own together.

Basic household expenses were dealt with, as we opened a joint bank account, and both put some money into it every month (he rather more than I, he earned more and wanted to do it that way), and we used that for paying food/utilities/general bits and pieces.

To be honest, this guy's attitude seems far too selfish, not caring, loving or giving, and I wouldn't be marrying him, if I was in your shoes.

I completely agree with all of this.

Talking about marriage and then in the same breath 'you can live in my house rent-free'? Well, sorry, paying rent does not come into it when you get married. You share everything. Whose ever the house was in the beginning, you don't talk about paying rent or living rent-free. I don't know what kind of a wedding you're planning to have, but when DH and I got married in 2002 we said the words 'all that I am I give you, all that I have I share with you'. I'll repeat that: 'all that I have I share with you'. All.

I've written that before in threads on here and I've been taken to task for being hopelessly idealistic, too starry-eyed, not realising that marriages do fail and there are unscrupulous people who will do their best to take their former spouse to the cleaners. Well, no. I do realise that. It happened to my DH, not once but twice, and in the end he was darned glad to get away with virtually what he stood up in. His life and sanity were worth more to him than any material goods or bank accounts. When he came to me I didn't charge him rent - well, I had to pretend to, for the purposes of his divorce - and when he felt the time had come for us to marry, we both said those words I quoted above, while exchanging wedding rings. The following year I put this house into our joint names, again, with those words in mind. I'm afraid it's the only way that I could live. I couldn't go along with an arrangement such as your OH is proposing. You either trust someone, or you do not.

It's sad that you've allowed yourself to become pregnant in this kind of a situation. Pregnancy, as our grandmothers knew so well, does make a young woman extremely vulnerable. You've nothing to bargain with - he holds all the cards. You should both be thinking of the coming child, who didn't ask to be conceived, and yet here he is talking of a possible divorce. You would put all you have into a marriage whereas he gets to keep all that he has. Most unequal and unfair.

gratefulforhelp_2

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

He sounds like a really nice chap.

mmmm

Strapped wrote: »

I think some people need to turn up their troll detectors.

maybe

OP, prenups have little but increasing legal standing, as others have said, if you are considering this "deal" consult a solicitor.

Huge congratulations on your pregnancy, though. Be aware you may well want more than six months off work when you meet your baby, I would keep your options open on that.

You speak as though he holds all the cards, but no...

You could choose not to marry him and not to have his name on the birth certificate, so he will not have automatic parental responsibility.

You could choose not to marry him and to claim maintenance instead. Look at the csa website if you want to know how much you would get.

You could choose to put the money you would have paid him in rent into your own house or flat, so that you benefit from years of property price rises (or falls!). By doing this he is preventing you from benefiting from those potential gains.

I really hope you get married, happily, and he treats you and the baby well and with great respect. But there are some suggestions above for other choices in case the lack of romance here underwhelms you.