my boyfriend wants prenup and I'm pregnant

jamespir

id tell him where to stick it cheeky !!!!!!

flossy_splodge

This sounds like a trying time for you when you could reasonably have hoped for it to be a time of looking forward with hope and glorious expectation! (sorry about the pun!).
May I ask whether your agreement to marry predated knowledge of your pregnancy?

MarieAAP

Hi lass

Congrats on the little one.

I am on the other side of the coin to you. I have a mortgage free house (baring £3k left), savings, pension plan etc. We both have very similar lowish salaries. He moved into mine with no assets, except for his wonderful self.

I am marrying my OH in a month, and he will be signing a prenup prepared by a solicitor. They (as mentioned by previous peeps) are taken into consideration by the court, but are not 'law binding'.

Our situation is different, at the moment we have no kids, but until we do, the prenup would have a high standing in court. In the unlikely event of us breaking up (touch wood, we never do), the house etc would be solely mine. He is paying food, petrol etc and contributed to the general household costs, but any major house costs eg the new roof was out of my savings.

However once kids arrive, its a different ball game, and this was confirmed by the solicitor. The primary home carer will be given 'higher' priority to stay in the house until the kids are no longer dependant. So if my OH is the stay at home Dad, I would have to move out and they would stay in the family home. Once the kids have left home, then the house would be sold, and any profit / loss would be evaluated from the date of the prenup.

This is commonlly the case for the mum, as traditionally she is the parent who is the main carer.

I hope this info has made things a little clearer.

M

paddy's_mum

There have been some huge assumptions during this thread ... says me, calling the kettle black!

However, we have no idea whatever whether this was a planned pregnancy, with all the consent and commitment for both parties that entails, in which case this man is being incredibly self-seeking, grasping and too clever by half.

If, however, the truth of the matter is that it's an accidental-on-purpose pregnancy and all the man can forsee is being unwillingly fettered, and perhaps two years down the line, taken to the cleaners by a woman that he viewed only as a bit of bed-sport, that's a whole different situation.

Too much that we don't know and until/unless the OP comes back and clarifies, not much that can usefully be said. If he believes that he's being set up to provide all the wherewithall to fund a young woman's dream lifestyle, his obvious reservations may be entirely warranted and justified.

In any case, surely all this should have been sorted out before a pregnancy was agreed and came into being ...

pinkmoonshine

Hi

Well there is a moral and a legal side to your quandry so let's start with the moral issues.

My first reaction is do you really want to spend your life with this man? Rather than being thrilled about having a baby and starting a family together he's expecting your relationship to be run like a business with a balance sheet! Furthermore he completely ignores the points you fairly make about the impact having a family will have on your future earning capacity and job prospects. I'm afraid he really does not sound like someone who is worth giving up your future for. I would have thought he would want the mother of his child to be securely housed in the future if anything should happen to your relationship.

Now for the legal stuff.

1. pre-nups are increasingly being upheld in the courts of England and Wales

2. You could agree to sign a pre-nup now in the hope you could persuade him to enter into a post-nup later or even insist that a provision is included within the pre-nup that says both parties anticipate or undertake to make a post-nup within 12 months of the marriage that will be more favourable to you

3. You could attempt to negotiate on key points of the pre-nup such as to insist that in the event of separation he must provide you with a lump sum to re-house yourself and any children of the marriage mortgage-free

4. You could refuse to enter into a pre-nup - but what is he likely to do? It doesn't sound to me like he's that bothered about marriage.

One thing I would definitely advise against is just cohabiting with him. There is no such thing as a 'common law wife' and people assume they obtain property rights when moving in with their partner. Generally they do not. In your case your boyfriend has made it very clear his house is his own. He has specifically not asked you to contribute to the mortgage so there is no chance of you obtaining any financial interest in his home or any of his other assets. You therefore get the worst of all worlds if you just move in and pay half the food and utility bills.

I suggest you have a really hard think about where your relationship is going with this man and then put your foot down about the pre-nup if you can or negotiate a deal you are happy with.

Pinkmoonshine

skiTTish

jamespir wrote: »

id tell him where to stick it cheeky !!!!!!

Look like he knew where to stick it ,seen as she is pregnant ...

He sounds like a real ares !!!

gratefulforhelp_2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

bed-sport

Great expression, says a lot (tho' not necessarily about the OP, of course)

skiTTish

By the sounds of it he either thinking you got yourself pregnant to snare him and his money or he is having it drummed into him by family members that s what you are up to .
Either way would you want to marry someone who had that low an opinion of you ?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Course, it is possible to insist on a pre nup where, in exchange for the OP not having a claim on the property herself, the other party agrees to a lump sum payment of 50% of his total wealth to be immediately transferred to the child upon separation, that residence is agreed to be with the mother, that some of the lump sum is to be used to buy a comparable house to the father's and that the father is to pay 50% of any income received in the following 22 years to the mother in respect of maintenance until the child finishes university.

Bet he feels differently then. And if he doesn't, that's what maintenance is for.

DaisyFlower

jclm wrote: »

Hi,

I'm 2 months pregnant and me and my boyfriend are considering getting married. He's much wealthier than me - there is a 20-year age gap between us and he earns about £40,000 more than me and has his own house, car, savings etc. I have nothing apart from a temporary job which ends in a month and my student debt! However, he wants a prenup before getting married. Also, rather than me paying part of the mortgage and having my name on the deeds, he says I can live in his house, rent free and pay half of the bills and groceries. He said that living rent free will allow me to save up and eventually buy my own place, so if we get divorced, I won't need/be entitled to half of his house.

But I'm confused about this whole thing. In order to make our relationship work, I'm making sacrificies e.g. by moving in with him I am limiting my career opportunities (as my career requires me to move to large cities, where the permanent jobs are). My pregnancy/maternity will take about 6 months off my work/earning capacity and I have very little savings. Ideally I would love to stay at home part time with the baby but if our agreement is that I must save up for a house in case we divorce, then it makes more sense for me to concentrate on my career and move to another part of the country where I can get a good job! I was wondering what other people think, and how other couples manage when one partner is rich and the other has nothing.

Many thanks

Still think this is a windup.

If its true, I can see why he wants to protect himself. You have a temp job (so are not giving up your career as you state), no assets and debt yet seem to expect him to not protect everything he has worked for and simply share it.

6 months off your earnings capacity is nothing over a lifetime and surely when planning the baby you knew maternity leave was part of the package.