Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave?
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I'm assuming that it was discussed hence the £23K being saved. Could it be that the cost turned out to be more than planned so the plan now has to be revised? If this couple were capable of discussing what was fair then - they should be capable of discussing again now.If the baby was planned - as you say it was - surely finances would have been discussed before now...
Then it's not a question of how you arrange the joint account or transfers or splits but what the couple think is fair given the changed circumstances. But that might lead to a new dilemma of does baby have to have everything brand new or will second-hand do the job etc.Wash your Knobs and Knockers... Keep the Postie safe!0 -
Well - who knows what the real situation is with these MMDs.I'm assuming that it was discussed hence the £23K being saved. Could it be that the cost turned out to be more than planned so the plan now has to be revised? If this couple were capable of discussing what was fair then - they should be capable of discussing again now.
Probably better not to assume anything that's not stated in the first post.
Then wouldn't the person with the MMD be better talking to her partner instead of asking random strangers on t'interweb?Then it's not a question of how you arrange the joint account or transfers or splits but what the couple think is fair given the changed circumstances. But that might lead to a new dilemma of does baby have to have everything brand new or will second-hand do the job etc.0 -
Those who keep saying they should have a joint account for bills - nothing suggests they don't? That doesn't solve the actual dilemma, which is how much each should each be paying into it, given that one is currently earning much less than the other.
I do think the amount put into the bills account should be proportional to each person's income, so while on maternity leave one person should definitely be paying less. Or suggest the other half of the partnership should top up half of all the savings used at the end of the maternity leave so that both are left in the same position, financially.
I do think that that viewing the baby as the financial responsibility of one half of the relationship will cause further problems down the line - they only get more expensive as the years go by!
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That is all!!!0
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I actually disagree with the financial arguments surrounding this;RockTheShack wrote: »of course he should! sit down together and work out the cost of hiring a full time nanny to do everything you're doing at the moment, that might help him understand the value you're contributing to your family while on maternity leave.
Unless someone is moderately low paid, this isn't always the case. A registered child minder for 50 hours a week costs around £11,500 per year on average. If the OP has managed to quickly accrue £23,000 in savings, they're unlikely to be low paid and it would make financial sense for them to work. Obviously there's the aspect of bonding with the child that I can entirely get behind.
I do agree that your finances should be split down the middle but only because you're married and now have children together. It's often not appreciated that if there is a very large pay disparity between you and your partner, it can feel unfair. But when you get married or have children, you make commitments that you are one unit and share.Know what you don't0 -
Golightly72 wrote: »That doesn't solve the actual dilemma, which is how much each should each be paying into it, given that one is currently earning much less than the other.
Easily sorted, they both put in the same %, that way it doesn't matter if the numbers are different as it's still fair.0 -
personally i think the husband (if he decides to go to work) should pay more as the woman has carried the child for 9 months and gone through labour.. I think they deserve a year off with the child!!
I have a sister that works full time in a supermarket, she is 18. She recently found out that she is 3 months pregnant and immediately after finding out has taken 2-3 days off a week sick (after being told by her employee that she can take as much time off without question due to being pregnant - huge supermarket chain, likely doesn't want to deal with pregnancy discrimination claims), refuses to do any manual labour (as in, stacking shelves) and frequently refuses to do things as 'I'm Pregnant!'.
In the last place I worked, we had a young full time accounts lady who also fell pregnant. From around the 8 week mark, we'd be lucky to see her two days a week. This was for 7 months until she was fully off for a year maternity leave, it's almost to the point where we're forgot what she looks like.
Obviously, these are two pregnancies I've been associated with so they will taint my view. I also appreciate that carrying a child does place physical and emotional strain on women however I think it's bold to plainly suggest that men should pay more as the woman has had to struggle with carrying the child for 9 months (and deserves another year off because f**k shared parent leave right?). Whilst it obviously depends on the circumstances, there are women that have quite a cushy time being pregnant.Know what you don't0 -
For the past 49 years my wife and I have always said to each other 'what's yours is mine and what's mine's my own.
And it has worked very well.0 -
Marriage is a partnership all money is shared, in our case one joint account or more if you have a separate savings account.0
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My sister has a similar arrangement with wages and separate bank accounts - although she never saved HER money for their babies.
Most of their rows are about money, he earns more than her, she works part time, she has kept the savings she had when they married, any extra money he gets he keeps. They do have a joint account for bills. Money is always a conversation they have - usually ending badly.
My husband and I decided early on that all money should be put together - For richer for poorer !!
He had a few savings, I earned more at the time. He brought my engagement ring, every thing else has been joint ever since.
We have one bank account where all money goes in, we have a few different savings accounts / ISA's - by necessity in single names, but there is an equal amount in each and we know that all the money is "ours". We have ONE credit card with two cards, we take out a small amount of cash each week which tops up our wallets if needed. My redundancy money went in the pot and I had no problem with that.
We discuss large purchases and nether of us are greedy so money has NEVER been a problem.
31 years of happy marriage - we had plenty of rows but never about money :-)
I really don't understand why someone can commit to marriage for life and still keep so much separate. It would make me feel less secure and worry that they were keeping it separate ready for WHEN they split up.
It amazes me that the lady managed to save 23k for when she was on maternity leave, that's 2 years wages for us !
But she said that was what she saved it for so why is she now worried that she is dipping into those savings?
What she doesn't say is what her husband earns - does he earn more or is she the main wage earner? If he earns more than her and she managed to save 23k they must be really rich. If he does not earn more than no he should not pay more.
Whatever it is - it is obviously that having more money does not make you happy. I am very glad that I am working, poor and happy :-)0
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