Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

Thank you lessonlearned for your wise words.

I do try to keep my distance from the drama queen! She is hard work at the best of times!

This morning I did my trial run - it took just over an hour so I shall leave plenty of time on the day so that Iam not going to be worrying about being late.

It's another sunny day here so I shall potter in the garden this afternoon. It has been rather neglected for the last couple of years.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Hi Torry, I actually work professionally helping people 'let go of belongings' (I don't like to use the work 'declutter' in the case of bereavement) and I just wanted to reinforce what the wise people on this thread have said. Don't let anyone else dictate the speed at which you get rid of anything, how ever well meaning they are. You must only do this when you are ready, however long that takes.
It doesn't matter that it might seem illogical to hang on to his underclothes: logic plays no part. Hold on until it feels right for you to let go.You are still in the very early stages of grief, sadly there is no rushing though these processes as some mystical way of feeling better.
While for some clearing quickly may be helpful, for others it definitely is harmful, so follow your own instincts. And if anyone hassles you about that - tell them this is professional advice!

Thanks for that. It seems strange even to me but emotionally I'm just not able to get rid of anything. Just getting through each day is hard enough without having to get rid of his things.

It will be three years in May and I still have his dressing gown and leather winter coat in the wardrobe as I cannot part with them

No matter how well meaning, other people cannot do it for you. Just go with the flow and do what you can and what you you feel is right.

Thank you wort. It is horrible having to wait so many months for the inquest. I know it takes a lot of planning for them to get all the medics etc involved and to be available at the same time. It does seem to be all rather unnecessary to me. After all, it isn't going to change anything and I have no issues with the care he received.

I do have a very good friend who has offered to come with me. Annoyingly I am a stubbornly independent and private person and don't like asking for (or accepting) help. I am my own worst enemy in that respect!

Having just said that I am beginning to realise that I am not as able to cope as I have always thought I was

Just in the last few weeks I have been breaking down and thinking that I do need some help via counselling - hard for me to admit that! Outwardly I appear to be coping well and find it really difficult to talk about how I am really feeling so come over as someone who is in control and so on. ~sigh~

It is so good to be able to *talk* on here and learn from everyone who is going through the same things.

wort wrote: »

Jaybee. Please accept offers to help, though I know how you feel about looking outwardly in control, as I'm the same, very few have seen me cry. No one at work would know anything had happened if I hadn't been off.
It's the alone moments that are hard to handle, just this last weekend saw me desperately upset, and know family would have been round like a shot, but I felt I shouldn't bother them.
I didn't want counselling and went thinking I wouldn't know what to say, but it was amazing how it all poured out words and tears. They are just there to let you pour it all out. So do consider it.Xx

I have to agree about getting counselling.

Jaybee Even if all you do is cry for the first session that is totally fine.