Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

[Deleted User]

lessonlearned wrote: »

One thing I have not mentioned on here is I fell into the classic trap of those recently bereaved........I became a bit cavalier about money. I guess it was the classic - oh well it is only money, it cannot bring him back. What is the point to being frugal and so on.

oh that was so me, for more than two years, I bought expensive furniture and carving tools and a lifetime pass on a steam train, national trust and English heritage. I gave the three children a substantial amount of cash and those are the things I can remember, not counting the massive amount of stuff I gave away, not sold but gave.

I look on the bright side, the children have all added value to their homes, new roof etc. The given items went to a hospice shop and the other three are charities and I get to use them as long as I can. I thank heavens that I came to a sudden stop and have now joined the savings thread on the os board. I am at last learning to live on my actual income and not on my finite savings

This has made me think and I am now looking for a smaller home than I was previously considering. What held me back from looking smaller before? stupidly it was my study/craft room furniture, good but big furniture and needing a room to itself. It fits the room beautifully but I could well sell them as part of my house package. So I need to think from outside the box and I am finding this difficult, maybe it would not be so difficult from a man`s perspective

Enjoy the trip and course LL

jaybee

This was me too - spending like a mad woman!

This really has had to stop now. Due to a rearrangement of finances I am about £800 a month short of what I was used to having so it's a big wake up call. Obviously there is only me now and most expenses should be less. I think I was doing quite a lot of *comfort shopping* too. In reality there is nothing that I really need so logic is telling me that I should be able to cope but the reality is a bit of a struggle!

Buggins

Thank you to Kittie and Jaybee! I have recently realised that I cannot live as though nothing else matters moneywise and need to remember why I joined MSE in the first place!:j

lessonlearned

Sounds like a few of us have had a recent lightbulb moment, moneywise.:rotfl:

[Deleted User]

eating is so incredibly important for us. Most times, most of us only cook for ourselves and it is easy to become sloppy and to grab `bad` foods. Those that do not nourish our bodies, which were injured when we became widows. Never to forget that we are what we eat and that it does take a bit of tenacity and will power not to grab the crisps and biscuits

I found ways around this last minute grabbing: I have a vacuum sealer and all meat and fish and even nut loaves are in one portion sizes in the freezer, in fact I recently had a fish delivery and cod/salmon/mackerel/plaice are now all in single portions. This means that I can grab a portion to cook simply, add a baked potato or roasted parsnip and some salad or some steamed or stir fried veg. My puddings all involve berries and stewed apple. I easily eat 7+ a day and feel wonderfully well and yes I did have the the inflammations and aches that came with the persistent cortisol, they took a while to go

I did not even do that at first, I have a good rice cooker with a timer and I just added rice, water, a piece of fish and some veg. That was it, no herbs, ginger nothing, I figured that this medley would keep me going, never mind the tastebuds. It worked

Elona_2

I have realised that a lot of my spending over the last couple of years has been expenses due to downsizing, some new furniture (which was needed) and replacing a dated kitchen and dining room in my new home into a modern kitchen diner with a breakfast bar and two new bathrooms, one with a big walk in shower instead of a bath.

I also did quite a bit of online clothes shopping in sales which mean I have a lot of tops and trousers which I wear and don't have to have the washing machine on constantly for a small load then had a lightbulb moment realising I was partly buying because I wanted the figure to go into the clothes rather than the clothes themselves

For the last year I have been trying not to dip into savings for anything and so far have managed it. I have found some lovely new baby things in the sales online for my older dd who will be having the first grandchild in July and August and not needed to consider dipping into savings at all.

kittie
I have been hobbling about like someone with two wooden legs (as youngest lovingly put it) for the last few years but it had never occurred to me that cortisol and stress could have been a big factor. For the last few months I have been making soups and stews using meat on the bone which is not quite "bone broth" but seems to have been helping.

I got sick of pans drying out on the hob so have treated myself to an electric cooker which pressure cooks, slow cooks, does soups stews etc all in one pot which keeps moisture and nutrients in and encourages me to use it by sitting on the worktop looking sleek and fun to use. I have only been using it for a week but find it is doing a good job and using less fuel than taking up an oven etc. Yesterday I made a massive bolognese base for lasagne with six loads of veg and instead of taking nearly two hours to cook and simmer it took about 40 minutes. I assembled it and finished cooking in the oven and it made two trays (about ten portions). DDs will take some home today and a portion will be for my lunch later.

I plan to take some frozen lamb chops later and make a big pot of stew with lots of veg and then portion up. If I make sure I have fruit and veg always in the house then I have no excuse not to eat them.

DDs sometimes tease me about the gadgets but it helps me focus on cooking something rather than grabbing a tin or having toast, biscuits etc.

Hugs to all

lessonlearned

Cortisol, adrenaline, stress, stomach upsets, joint pains, muscle aches panic attacks, insomnia - you name it. Sometimes i feel ok and then other times I just feel like I am on my last legs. Like now.

Going to London today....have been awake since 2 am and I feel absolutely shocking. I cannot let DIL down though. She has to go to the Venezuelan embassy tomorrow so I am just going to keep her company.

It!!!8217;s freezing, snow on the ground and I just do not feel up to it.

I just want some of my old strength and vitality back. I am so sick of feeling sick.

jaybee

Oh dear LL - I have all of those problems too! Honestly, I am not a hypochondriac!

Elona - I perked up at your mention of the new kitchen gadget!! I love kitchen gadgets and might be tempted to get one. No real reason for it as I don't *do* cooking really for myself these days! Mostly just heating things up or an occasional jacket potato. Somehow I seem to have lost the taste for everything I used to like.

lessonlearned

No Jaybee. I do not think for one moment you are a hypochondriac. Me neither. It is alas all very real.

I expected the emotional repercussions, I did not expect that grief could manifest itself so physically, or that I would not be able to bounce back.

Maybe I am just impatient.:rotfl:

[Deleted User]

I just washed my hair in the shower and that got me thinking about the hair loss and that happened because of stress, anxiety, not eating enough protein and insomnia and it happened over a long time. My hair became very thin and I could see pink scalp. I found a good link and will post it in a moment, first I want to post how I physically measure my hair loss

http://www.lakeland.co.uk/23108/OXO-Good-Grips-Large-Sink-Plug-Hole-Strainer-Guard

Getting older we need much more protein anyway so hair loss can be a factor when only aging, add the above mental stresses and hair loss multiplies

https://www.hshairclinic.co.uk/news/could-your-mental-health-be-the-reason-for-your-hair-loss/

Don`t bother with expensive nourkrin, just increase the protein eg mine today spread through the day, I am having walnuts, hemp,milk, egg, peas/pasta (they boost each other), pistacheos, yogurt, ricotta and peanut butter (again needs to be with a grain eg bread). Yesterday I added fish, tomorrow meat. Typical food is on the os cooking for one thread

I was not expecting miracles and was patient but now my hair hides my pink scalp and there was very little hair on the drain cover (a natural loss). I also notice that my hair is thicker

Having nice hair adds to that boost that we need, that confidence giver