Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

Torry_Quine

Wearing his jumper now, is that strange? Managed to have some toast at least.

comeandgo

Torry, my condolences for your loss. Everything is still very raw for you. I remember previous posts of yours that you were involved with your church. Are they giving you extra support just now? I know my mother,s church had two people who would visit, if you wanted them to, and talk or listen or just be there.

itsanne

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Wearing his jumper now, is that strange? Managed to have some toast at least.

Not strange at all. It's all normal.

It's good that you've eaten something. You need to keep eating. Perhaps you could suggest making some small meals to anyone who asks how they can help?

lessonlearned

Wearing your husbands clothes is perfectly normal.

I took my husbands wax jacket on holiday with me.......the fleece bit comes apart. When it was cold in Amsterdam I wore both bits when it was warmer in the Azores I wore just the fleece. I sometimes wore the fleece in the morning for breakfast.

My husband went to the Amazon with me. Lol.

Yes I have got posher coats but I like wearing his jacket. I have just been for a walk and I wore it then.

jaybee

Well . . . it's six and half months for me now and I am falling apart. Currently I am dreading the inquest which is in May. Tomorrow (hopefully) I am going to do a trial run to make sure I can get there at the right time (I don't do late - ever!) It isn't until May so I can do this several times over if need be - it is in a town I haven't been to for years.

I am deeply worried about my partner's daughter coming to the inquest - she is such a drama queen and I can envisage her making a scene whereas I am (probably stupidly) totally avoid any confrontation in any situation.

Just lately I have felt that I need "help" - but know that I don't really as everything is apparently *normal* for how I am feeling. I do get thrown by well meaning people telling me that I am doing so well and obviously coping. I just smile and say I'm okay and getting on with things and keeping myself busy. Okay - I am probably a bit different because I am very self sufficient and a loner (no family). I have always coped and always been able to cope with whatever life has thrown at me (a lot over the years). I see this as normal for me.

All that is going on in Salisbury has upset me very much.It is a city very close to me and one place that I used to visit frequently and feel very comfortable with (both driving there and the city itself). Silly, I know to feel like this but still . . .

I could go on but will stop now and try to pull myself together and hope to sleep tonight.

jaybee

Oh dear - that all sounded a bit *black*. There have been some good bits today - the sun was shining and I spent a little time in the garden. The birds are happy and have been sprucing themselves up in the bird bath which makes me smile. Mr & Mrs Robin seem to be looking into setting up home in the ivy - although I am hoping the Wrens may also move in.

Life goes on regardless of what is going on in our own personal traumas.

Torry_Quine

I had a friend round this afternoon. She thought it a good idea to move some of his clothes out of the drawers so we put them into a suitcase until I'm ready to go through them. Put his underwear in a black bag and she put that into the wheelie bin. As soon as she went I had to retrieve the bag from the bin, it just feels wrong to get rid of anything. I know that it's no use to anyone else but it's his

poppy811

Just had an upsetting phone call. My husband was an antique clock and watchmaker. the lady who phoned said she is clearing her late Uncles estate and had found a receipt for some clock repairs done several years ago and wondered if my husband could give her a valuation on the clocks. I explained that he had died and she was very kind but it has left me shaken because the call came out of the blue. I feel like going back to bed but I am out today and that is probably a good thing.

Torry, don't part with anything until you are ready, thinking of you.

lessonlearned

Torry......just go at your own pace. Hang on to his things for as long as you want to. There is no right or wrong way - we all have to do what is right for us.

Jaybee. I am so sorry you have the inquest hanging over you like this. Hopefully once that is out of the way then you can find some peace.

Re your partners daughter. I guess there is not a great deal you can do about her. Some people are simply drama queens. Others, like yourself, comport themselves with quiet dignity in public and then let go in private.

As I said there is no right way or wrong way, the only problem is being around a drama queen is very tiring for you, so maybe just try and keep a bit of distance, even if it is just mental distance.

I love your description of the birds in your garden. I am glad you get some comfort from them. I too love being in my garden. It will soon be summer and I aim to spend a lot of time out there this year.

Take care everyone.

lessonlearned

I noticed Stephen Hawking has died. RIP Stephen. A great man.

As you know my husbands illness was very similar.......in my husbands case Multiple System Atrophy with a Cerebellar Ataxia Presentation, rather than a Motor Neurone Presentation.

Unlike Stephen my husband refused interventions such as a trachectomy or a feeding tube because he did not want to prolong his life by artificial means. He decided to let nature take a natural course.

Like Stephen my husband was completely paralysed but still fully compus mentis and like Stephen my husband was a brilliant man, a naturally gifted academic. And again like Stephen, my husband was witty, charming and gracious.

They both had great minds trapped inside bodies that did not function and which slowly atrophied and died but both men bore their trials with courage and dignity.

They are both now free and at peace.