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    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 3rd May 18, 9:50 AM
    • 4,014Posts
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    crazy_cat_lady
    Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning
    • #1
    • 3rd May 18, 9:50 AM
    Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning 3rd May 18 at 9:50 AM
    Good morning everyone,

    I've had a bit of a break from the forums over the past couple of months, but today seems like a good time to come back on here and to start a new diary. An awful lot has changed in my life over the past couple of weeks and it's going to take some time and effort to adjust, and more than ever I need the support and accountability of being on here to keep me on the straight and narrow as far as my finances are concerned.
    I hope that some of my usual bunch have followed me to this diary, and welcome to anyone new that might be reading. I need all of the help and support that I can get...
    October Gobstopper #8 NSD = 12 1 debt vs 100 days £328.51/£1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
Page 30
    • SpekySquarehead
    • By SpekySquarehead 17th Oct 18, 9:07 AM
    • 2,087 Posts
    • 17,013 Thanks
    SpekySquarehead
    Morning CCL,

    I tell you're going through the wringer again. Whilst I've no experience personally with divorce, my parents are. I can't fault them in their efforts to ensure I still lived a happy life and wasn't too disrupted with it and I've absolutely no doubt that you will do the exact same. You clearly put them as priority and although they might not show it, I'm sure they notice it and it might not be until they're a bit older before they come to appreciate it.

    You can't continue to spin all these plates if you're not fully functioning yourself. You seem to be getting better sleep than you have before but now, as a few others have pointed out, you need fuel to keep you going through these grilling working days. You might not feel up to it, but it's worth getting some wholesome and healthy food into you to allow you continue being the awesome mum, daughter, worker and friend that you are!
    Debt Free Date: 29/09/16
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 17th Oct 18, 12:09 PM
    • 4,014 Posts
    • 34,292 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Hey
    Sneaking on briefly at work to report that I feel marginally better mentally but no better at all physically. Still easier to come into work though, and I've gotten the ok from the Head to go home straight after school tonight. I was rereading my post and thinking how angry and frustrated I appear to be, but it is an accurate reflection of how I'm feeling. I don't know if I come across as a spoilt brat who kicks and screams every time she's not getting her own way. I do confess to having very little patience though, and although it takes me ages to decide on things, when I do make a decision I don't change my mind. I can't see the point in dragging this whole unpleasant experience out any longer than it needs to be. I won't be changing my mind. In fact I'll be lucky if I ever get into a relationship ever again the way I feel about it at the moment.
    October Gobstopper #8 NSD = 12 1 debt vs 100 days £328.51/£1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 17th Oct 18, 6:54 PM
    • 1,146 Posts
    • 5,350 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Frustration is entirely understandable, it's not a quick process and is draining emotionally, mentally and financially, especially if you're waiting on someone else.
    paydbx #93 £899.50/£8,000.
    Loan £17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans £3342 March 2017. £2994 in Aug 18
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 17th Oct 18, 8:38 PM
    • 4,014 Posts
    • 34,292 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Evening all
    A very quick check in from me tonight as I'm shattered - still unwell and ready for bed. My mood hasn't improved much, but I am staying hydrated and managing to eat at least.
    No word from ex - least surprising thing that has happened today. Trying not to get too upset about it. There is time to push things forward so I need to stop worrying and thinking about the worst case scenario.
    Didn't end up going straight home - too much going on after work. It's an interesting time - bit of uncharted territory, which may be difficult short term but good in the longer term.
    Got home and crashed physically and emotionally. Thankfully dd has been keeping me company this evening and I've learned a whole new world of Jeffree Star and makeup tutorials. I never, ever wear makeup (couldn't be bothered with it) but it's been nice time spent with her.
    I've had my night time Sudafed and just about to get into bed with ds for our weekly dose of The Apprentice. 2 more get ups - hope I can make it.
    October Gobstopper #8 NSD = 12 1 debt vs 100 days £328.51/£1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 18th Oct 18, 10:17 AM
    • 4,014 Posts
    • 34,292 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Well I haven't made it I had the most appalling night of (non) sleep that I can remember for ages. Just about made it through the Apprentice, then was up just before midnight for the loo. Woke just after 1am to the sound of my phone getting a text, which worried me. It was from ex basically saying he's poorly again at the moment and isn't dealing with any of the legal stuff. It really wound me up. I didn't get that sinking, worried feeling I always used to get - I just got angry. Tried not to let it bother me but I just couldn't switch my brain off - even with the telly on. So by about 5am I decided that I wasn't going to make it to work today as I'm still ill and now extremely exhausted - got up and sent some cover work in. Went in to switch ds alarm off (he was off sick yesterday with the same thing as I have and we were going to 'try' today but I decided not as it's a 30 mile round trip to his school) and I saw an emotional message on his phone from ex. So I popped in to dd's room and saw one on her phone as well - not enough to read, just the main screen. That actually annoyed me even more. Because of the inconsistency, and because I won't deal with it any more I think he's pushing some of the emotional stuff onto the kids. However, he is their dad and I won't stop either of them being in touch with him - although I need to be sure that they are resilient enough to deal with his behaviour, and I think it's best that they don't see him short term. I spoke to both of them this morning to say that I know he's their dad, however, we know he can get into a state like this and that they aren't responsible for him. He is a grown up and needs to look after himself, and I said I was ok if they contacted him, or if they didn't contact him and that I would support them no matter what - but I won't be helping or supporting him. That ship has sailed. Neither of them said anything much...
    I managed about another 90 minutes of sleep and am just sitting here a bit zombie like at the moment. However, I have taken more sudafed and am thinking I might go out for a little walk with ds if he's up to it. The sun is out and a bit of fresh air may do us both some good. Not sure what else today will bring but I will deal with it as and when it happens.
    October Gobstopper #8 NSD = 12 1 debt vs 100 days £328.51/£1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • DawnW
    • By DawnW 18th Oct 18, 10:27 AM
    • 5,263 Posts
    • 41,642 Thanks
    DawnW
    Hope you feel better soon CCL. I think a walk is a good idea. I have the same kind of thing as you seem to have (dizziness, headaches, coughing, tiredness etc, mine came after a cold but I think it is all part of the same bug) and getting outside certainly seems to help. Just wish it would go away!

    • Blondetotty
    • By Blondetotty 18th Oct 18, 1:42 PM
    • 187 Posts
    • 196 Thanks
    Blondetotty
    Iím a bit of a lurker and Iíve been reading your posts for a while and this may seem a bit random but regarding your sleep, do you think itís possible youíve got sleep apnoea? To be honest Iíd never really heard of it until about 3 months ago when my partner mentioned casually one morning that Iíd stopped breathing in my sleep. After laughing myself stupid about why he didnít think to wake me up if he thought I was dying and then deciding to write a new will, I did go to the Doctor, mentioned it, was sent for tests and 2 months later was the proud owner of a CPAP machine.

    When I say for the last year Iíve felt like Iíve been constantly exhausted, and walking around in a hazy fog of tiredness and suddenly now Iím using the machine I feel like a completely new woman, itís not far off the mark. I had no real risk factors for it apart from snoring but they discovered during my test that I was stopping breathing up to 35 times an hour, up to 57 seconds at a time.

    Your body never gets any deep sleep so you donít feel rested and I was living on caffeine, adrenaline and pure grit and suffering from headaches and minor coughs and colds all the time as the lack of restorative sleep really can mess up your immune system. I also put on weight and found it really difficult to shift it. I was stressed and upset and couldn't figure out why I felt so unwell with no real symptoms or diagnosis.

    It might be worth looking into or investigating as until I was talking to the sleep practitioner nurse, I also didnít realise how underdiagnosed it is.
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 18th Oct 18, 7:59 PM
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    • 34,292 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Thanks for that Blondetotty - something for me to consider. I did have a lot of tests done for thyroid function etc a couple of years ago but nothing came up, and I think that my doctor came to the conclusion that it was anxiety and stress related. Last night's bad night was entirely down to my not being able to switch my brain off after I got that text but I am always tired for sure.
    Today has been a bit of a write off as far as getting anything done goes, although I have appreciated a bit of time just to relax. I deliberately haven't slept during the day in the hope that I'll get a good night tonight - you never know. I've spoken to a couple of my friends about the situation and have decided to leave ex to it. At the moment I'm in the frame of mind to never see him or speak to him again, if I'm being honest. Still I'm looking after me and the kids now and everyone else needs to fit in around that. He doesn't at the moment so I'm going to leave it with my solicitor to sort out.
    I did go out for a walk though, which was quite refreshing, although I was double tired when I got home from that. Other than that, lots of overthinking, lots of reading and trying to calm my anxieties a bit. I'm now going for a shower and going to bed.
    October Gobstopper #8 NSD = 12 1 debt vs 100 days £328.51/£1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 18th Oct 18, 9:16 PM
    • 57,385 Posts
    • 234,876 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope that you have sweet dreams tonight
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • erin_transport
    • By erin_transport 18th Oct 18, 10:47 PM
    • 658 Posts
    • 2,782 Thanks
    erin_transport
    Hi CCL
    I totally agree with your reaction of anger. Bad enough he’s yanked on your emotions for all these years but now he’s leaning on the kids as an emotional crutch. I agree. Not appropriate at all. Would mention it to the solicitor also that texting should be only allowed within certain time periods of the day and should be appropriate to avoid this scenario repeating going forward. Goodness only knows what emotional carp and pressure and anxiety he could be putting on the kids. Well spotted and well explained. You’re doing an awesome job.
    On a mission!

    2018 MFW #138
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