Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
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Thank you all, my sisters are very close to me and I'm very lucky I know.
Today dd1 took me to lunch and it was wonderful, but since I got home and entered the house I can't stop crying, I hope you don't mind I needed someone to talk to, and although I know my family wouldn't mind I feel I don't want to bring them down. Not that I want to bring you wonderful people down, I Hope you understand.
I really don't know what is wrong I've been crying for 2 hours non stop , I feel my heart is being ripped out, I just want him with his arms around me, I'd give anything to hear his voice.
I'm usually so strong and don't let my emotions show this crying and desperate need to talk to someone is overwhelming, please forgive me.x
Wanted you to know you've been heard. Have a virtual hug from me.
I got copies of his will today, so stark written down and when I saw the words about 'any issue's I bawled my eyes out that we never children. Now I'm crying again at the clip for the upcoming Casualty storyline.
Mother's Day is always hard but this time feels much worse. My mum died 24 years ago.Lost my soulmate so life is empty.
I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
Diana Gabaldon, Outlander0 -
Wort..........oh you poor darling. Sending you a virtual hug. Cry as much as you need, sometimes you just have to let it out. No need to apologise on here.
This afternoon I tried to sort out some photos. Nope. Still cannot do it. Started to cry so I put them back in the box and in the cupboard out of sight. And it is now 3.5 years. One day.
A grey miserable day here. I was due to meet a friend for the cinema. Really felt like cancelling but did not want to let her down. I really could not face getting ready and I thought I will just go as I am. No one will see me. It is dark in the cinema, it will be dark when we come out and then we are only going to Pizza Hut so no need to dress up.
Then I thought no, come on. So I got changed, put my face on and then for sheer devilment put on a red coat and a slash of red lippy to match.
Sometimes you just need colour in your life and sometimes it just has to be red. :rotfl:
The film??? The Greatest Showman. I cannot recommend it enough. I loved it and felt like singing and dancing along with it. Some little girls in front of me did exactly that, bless their little hearts.
So glad I made the effort. It really lifted my spirits.0 -
Torry......sorry to hear you struggled with the will. It is horrible having to deal with that kind of stuff.
Sending you hugs too.0 -
Thank you Torry and LL.
I'm feeling calmer today but can feel the tears very close , I'm expecting my other dd with my grandson later so don't want to start crying.
Torry we all have regrets ,it's so hard isn't it. My mum died just before my wedding in 2001, I was just glad she knew about it and was happy, we'd been together since 1987!
LL photos are difficult, you wish you could reach in and touch them, and all the bittersweet memories that they bring , I was trying to recall wether my wedding dvd has his voice on it, but I no longer have a dvd player set up. I don't know how much I could watch of it anyway.
I'm glad you enjoyed the film, I got dressed up to meet dd1 for the meal, I tell myself I'm not going to let myself down by not looking the best I can.
The last film I saw was coco which is a Disney one but it's very sad, at least for people like us that have loved ones who have died.
I hope you enjoy mothers day in whatever way you can much love.xFocus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.0 -
lessonlearned wrote: »The film??? The Greatest Showman. I cannot recommend it enough. I loved it and felt like singing and dancing along with it. Some little girls in front of me did exactly that, bless their little hearts.
So glad I made the effort. It really lifted my spirits.
omg, I was watching that same film yesterday afternoon, a few hours before you saw it.
DD, her husband and the 2 grandchildren. I really did enjoy it too. What a co-incidence, another one!!
wort, please have a hug from me. Baby steps sweetheart, every time you let the pain come out then it leaves room for some healing. The people who never heal are the ones who lock themselves inside that enclosed bubble and cannot ever set themselves free to live as a single person
I battle potential loneliness all the time but have turned it around to embrace it, it is the only way I can live. Haven`t seen anyone today but I did see swans on my cycle ride and that was uplifting0 -
DD and sil have just taken me out to lunch and another dd and bf took me out yesterday so have been in a social whirl. I am seeing another dd tomorrow for a coffee and then go to the U3A film show in the afternoon.
Wort and torry
Tears are close to the surface as DH would have been the first to make a fuss of the day and it seems even more unfair that he is not here. Determined not to dwell so making a cup of tea and finding a vintage comedy to watch.
Hugs to all0 -
Today has been a struggle for me too. Trying very hard to stay positive and not succumb to despair.
Does it ever end......:(0 -
Wort, there's absolutely nothing to apologise for!
Hiding your emotions is probably not the best thing to do, but I sympathise. It's impossible to really tell it how it is all the time - no one would ever want to talk to us.
It's odd the way the whole thing can become overwhelming almost randomly. Sometimes there's an obvious trigger, but at others it's impossible to identify why that particular time is so unmanageable. I wonder if it's simply that the amount of effort required to 'manage' builds up until it becomes unsustainable, a bit like steam building up in a pressure cooker. I suspect we all experience those times and, unfortunately, I also suspect they'll never completely go no matter how much time passes. Certainly, fifteen months on, in many respects I'm finding the second year even harder than the first - it's very difficult to get my head around the reality of where I am now instead of how things should be.
LL, sorry you're having a particularly bad day today. You have a wonderfully positive attitude, but in a day like today it's okay to acknowledge the awfulness of the situation too. Hopefully tomorrow will be one of your better days.
Take care, all.. . .I did not speak out
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me..
Martin Niemoller0 -
I wonder if it's simply that the amount of effort required to 'manage' builds up until it becomes unsustainable, a bit like steam building up in a pressure cooker..
yes, I 100% agree and itsanne I also thought that year two was harder than year one, maybe because that is when the reality sets in, always doing things alone, making important decisions alone. At the end of year two came the flat path, the one when I started to become used to it all, when I got into a routine such as putting things away when I had used them, doing dishes as soon as I could. Taking more care of my appearance. Keeping on a level path with bills, house maintenance and cleaning and believe me I also became very bored. Was this all I could expect for my life, interspersed by a few holidays, working on the allotment and solo days out?
Year three is my year of change and challenges and new aims. I still have some difficult times, particularly mothers day and my birthday. One last night watching call the midwife, reawoke memories. I don`t end up in floods of tears, stoic me, no point. I did get that tight grip inside me. I know I am healing well so remain hopeful for a relatively content future, has to be that, the alternative is horrible0 -
Wort Torry and LL, it is awful when these feelings of sadness and despair come over us. I think I am doing OK and then it suddenly hits me. Call the Midwife gets me every time but because I nursed for 40 + years I have to watch it if only to realise how far we have come. I know I am lucky with friends etc. but the future does frighten me. Kittie you are right I am afraid the second year is somehow worse, I am constantly having to give myself pep talks so that I make the most of the day. I hope we can all rebuild but goodness knows how0
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