Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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  • Elona_2
    Elona_2 Posts: 361 Forumite
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    suky

    You are not butting in and I am sorry that you are still finding grieving so painful. There are no rules to grief and it changes so much from person to person and over time.

    Could the throw be used as a wall hanging as it is so pretty?

    Hugs to all
  • sukysue
    sukysue Posts: 1,823 Forumite
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    Ahh thank you so much Elona, you are very kind .
    xXx-Sukysue-xXx
  • White_musk
    White_musk Posts: 179 Forumite
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    Hi Suky,

    Welcome to the thread. Bereavement is awful no matter who we lose. Please do stick around if you think we could help you.

    Elona, I'm going to shove it under the mattress. I have (finally) made up my mind. It needs to be washed and dried first, it's in the machine, I just forgot to switch it on this morning lol.

    Hugs.
    Feb 2019 GC £151.53/£300
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
  • sukysue
    sukysue Posts: 1,823 Forumite
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    Thank you White musk, you are all so very kind and supportive. I just feel stuck over my MIL it is like l am frozen in a time warp of my own making. My DH isn't like it at all, he has been able to move on and talks very freely about her and remembers things about her all the time, l think it is almost as if l can't forgive her for dying. I know..... it is complete madness. My lovely friend Cathy l feel differently about her she was so kind and so lovely such a sweetheart to me and so grateful for my help and love . I am able to remember the good things about our time together but my MIL l just feel so angry with her and am almost nasty in my thinking about her. I chose to remember the bad times and not the good . I think it is because l cannot allow myself to feel the pain. It is my way of self preservation of sorts . Oh l don't know it is all so stupid and mixed up . Don't take any notice of me , thank you all so much .
    xXx-Sukysue-xXx
  • White_musk
    White_musk Posts: 179 Forumite
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    Anger is a normal part of grieving, don't feel bad about having those feelings. I've posted about being so angry at my husband leaving me I picked up a very precious ornament and threw it. Of course it ended up in a thousand bit, I ended up in bits also, sprawled on the floor holding the biggest piece and sobbing 'till I could sob no more. It was a turning point for me though. I HAD to go through that anger and I did. I didn't understand it at the time and of course felt horrible guilt. It wasn't until later I learned anger is part of grief and it's perfectly normal and natural to feel the way I (and now you) are feeling.

    Hugs.
    Feb 2019 GC £151.53/£300
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
  • sukysue
    sukysue Posts: 1,823 Forumite
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    White musk, thank you for the hugs and right back at you too . I remember reading that you had done that up the thread . You are right, it is normal to go through this anger and l cannot judge the way my DH feels and is coping by my own feelings and where l am in the grieving process. Thank you yet again, l am most grateful to you all here. Thank God for such a thread .
    xXx-Sukysue-xXx
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755 Forumite
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    I have PM'd Torry. Will update when I know more. Hope she is OK.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • White_musk
    White_musk Posts: 179 Forumite
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    No lovely, you can't. We all grieve differently. All we can do is get from one day to the next.

    It's not a bad thing to remember some people put on a terrific appearance but are screaming inside. Not all men but many put on a very stoical front, perhaps in an attempt to help those around them, maybe because they think it's the 'done thing'. Maybe for other reasons. When my darling FIL died, my DH shed a tear or two and never cried again, inside I knew he was breaking but he never once let it show. Madness really as containing those feelings and internalising all that pain never did anyone any good.

    Have another hug, because...
    Feb 2019 GC £151.53/£300
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
  • White_musk
    White_musk Posts: 179 Forumite
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    seven-day-weekend wrote: »
    I have PM'd Torry. Will update when I know more. Hope she is OK.

    I do too, I'm worried about her, she was so very, very down. Thank you.

    Hugs.
    Feb 2019 GC £151.53/£300
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
  • sukysue
    sukysue Posts: 1,823 Forumite
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    Aw bless you thank you , l am so glad you have both pm'd Torry , l so hope she will respond , hugs to you all take care .
    xXx-Sukysue-xXx
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