Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

lessonlearned

Hello Suky......welcome to the thread. I agree your feelings of anger are quite normal, it can be quite a shock when we feel that rage bubbling up inside but it is part of the grieving process.

And I also agree it is far better to express our emotions and not bottle them up. Rage can be cathartic and tears can be balm, so do not suppress them. Let go in private.

Torry.....thinking of you.

[Deleted User]

suky welcome here, like everyone says, anger is part of the grieving process and you are still grieving but not been able to move that step forward to get past the anger. Anger can be `why didn`t she? why didn`t I? why didn`t the doctor?` A natural death or accident is far easier to cope with, my bil had to cope with suicides, two of his brothers but once he appreciated that this was their choice, then he came out of that stuck place. I would take that small step of finding a quiet place and writing all your anger down, then go and burn your writing. Then light a peaceful candle. We have a day to be born and a day to die. It was her time

I had to get rid of my anger very quickly, after all my husband died while out doing what he loved, cycling. Soon after that happened, I thought `he loved cycling more than me` no he didn`t, it was me that gave him permission to do these things, so first I was angry with him and then at me but it was his time and the anger went and then I felt at peace knowing that I had made him very happy. I wrote all this down, I cannot tell you how much it helped

White-musk that throw, I have used throws to wrap around seat cushions on a sofa but under the mattress sounds like a perfectly good place

edit: torry is still around, posting on other threads yesterday

seven-day-weekend

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I have PM'd Torry. Will update when I know more. Hope she is OK.

I have not heard from Torry, but she was contributing to a discussion yesterday. Maybe she just needs some space.

(Just noticed Kittie's remark!).

sukysue

Thank you Lesson Learned and Kittie, nay thank you everyone, you have all been so welcoming. I know what you are saying and l will give the writing down of the reasons why l can't let go and burn it and light a lovely candle. l have just the right one. I hope to God l can move on, it has been nearly three years now and l need to for my sanity and quality of life. My poor mil , God bless her heart.
You have all been through so much pain and shock here, you are such a great support for each other , long may it continue.

seven-day-weekend

Heard from Torry. She is around and as well as can be expected. Not OK by any stretch of the imagination. But still around.

poppy811

Went to see some old friends yesterday. I knew he had a terminal diagnosis some months ago but I was really shocked at how poorly he is now.. His poor wife is exhausted and he said several times that he has had enough. My son and family go out to New Zealand to visit his Mum in Law who is also terminally ill.. Just seems to be a very sad time, need some good news. Roll on some sunshine! Kittie good luck with the house hunt, nothing suitable for me at the moment.

[Deleted User]

oh dear poppy, I hope you all manage to stay strong for each other

Nothing doing re the houses, I saw 3 today including one EA persuaded me to see, way out of my league and totally not future proofed but I am learning on my feet. One cottage tomorrow and then I am stopping. If anything appears then RM will alert me. Too stressful and tiring. At least I have pinned down some areas that I would be very happy to move to

White_musk

So relieved Torry is ok. Thanks for letting us know.

Had such a lovely day. My back is aching still but over the course of the day with lots of rests I cleaned the whole house, baked for dinner and had a lovely phone call with one of my DD. The weather is bright and cheerful, to my shame on such a lovely day I STILL forgot to wash the darn throw. Oh well, never mind.

Due to my back I decided to order my shopping on line, Mr T duly arrived and when I was putting the shopping away there wasn't much veg. I was all set to ring Mr T and shout at them but thankfully checked the receipt and also the confirmation e-mail to find I hadn't ordered what I thought I had. This means I have no choice but to go to the greengrocers at some point this week. I think I've mentioned before I cook daily from scratch as I have an autoimmune condition that wheat and processed foods inflame. I eat loads and loads of fruit and veg each day and a large portion of protein, if I stick to that then I find the AO is kept under control. I was tested for coeliacs but it came back negative. My GP said quite often they get a false negative as you have to load up on glutton the day before and as I knew I would suffer if I did I only had a little bit. He just recommended avoiding glutton if it helps - it does.

I'm now off to wash the dishes and the furry paws bowls as they've had their weekly sardines today then they can have their proper dinner, a little late today - oops.

Hugs.

Edit to add: Just as I posted this, knock on the door. It was a young lad who is starting a window cleaning business, I am more than happy to be added to his list of clients.

White_musk

Poppy, I'm so, so sorry to read your news. My thoughts are with you.

Hugs.

[Deleted User]

I just copied and pasted what I wrote on the cooking for one thread but I want to keep my (dear) friends here in the loop because the same will be undergone by others in a similar position and every bit helps

I deliberately just put a wool wash on, to make me patient enough to stay until time to leave for my appointment at 11.30. I am always early for everything and have been far too early for viewings, upside is that I get to observe and listen but I know the area. I have got butterflies, not for fear of making the right decision but just from appreciating that I am in someone elses home and will be looking carefully while trying to ignore the EA babbling. I know for a fact that this home was only bought 4 years ago, they tried to hide that by giving the property a name but I found the number and have done research, which alone is tiring. Pity help anyone getting on in years without the required energy and no wonder that many sales these days are probate, people don`t want to move because of the hassle and the expense