Homophobic gossip ruining my life at work
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Maybe, but can you prove it? Because at the minute it sounds more like being thinskinned. Sorry, but it's the way a 3rd party would se it
It is the way YOU would see it.
At my workplace we'd been having an investigation into creating a hostile environment and thinking about some diversity training.... and that's a pretty industrial place. But the grunty alpha males somehow learn to get along with people not like them without being idiots... and so the work evironment becomes better for everyone...
Change never comes from people saying "that's just the way it is, like it or lump it."2021 GC £1365.71/ £24000 -
Hi OP. When I read your post and your situation my stomach sunk. I really feel for you. I too have experienced similar. I worked in a well known Dry Cleaners just at the counter taking orders. The women worked in the back area dealing with the clothes so we never got much chance for chats.
At Christmas they were having a little lunch in the staff area and we had a secret santa type thing. All the staff were there, includuding the manager and area manager and we were to give our gift to whoever we had picked out the hat. I had got a women in her 60's and she was to give me mines.
As she held it to me she said that she had got it sent from Blackpool and hopes I appreciate it. The parcel contained a candy shaped like a penis. You know they ones you would get at a fun fair shaped like a dummie. It had the motto "don't forget your *ock rock"
Everyone in the shop found this hysterical and was laughing. I just dropped it into the waste bin. Now I know for a fact that women was trying to "out" me or something.
Needless to say I did not need outed. I just didn't discuss myself with them as it was not relevant. So you are not alone and there are better managed workplaces out there as I found out when I left.
Sorry I can't give you advice but it is not worth making yourself worry or ill over. I do hope things improve. You are the better person here.0 -
BrassicWoman wrote: »It is the way YOU would see it.
At my workplace we'd been having an investigation into creating a hostile environment and thinking about some diversity training.... and that's a pretty industrial place. But the grunty alpha males somehow learn to get along with people not like them without being idiots... and so the work evironment becomes better for everyone...
Change never comes from people saying "that's just the way it is, like it or lump it."
Change is always good right?
Your workplace does much more than the required minimum; which I support; but that doesn’t make anything less actionable.0 -
See I have great sympathy there. The behaviour was much more sexual than necessary; and whether gay or straight ( a candy shaped as breasts for example ) sexual gifts are not appropriate.Stephenmac wrote: »Hi OP. When I read your post and your situation my stomach sunk. I really feel for you. I too have experienced similar. I worked in a well known Dry Cleaners just at the counter taking orders. The women worked in the back area dealing with the clothes so we never got much chance for chats.
At Christmas they were having a little lunch in the staff area and we had a secret santa type thing. All the staff were there, includuding the manager and area manager and we were to give our gift to whoever we had picked out the hat. I had got a women in her 60's and she was to give me mines.
As she held it to me she said that she had got it sent from Blackpool and hopes I appreciate it. The parcel contained a candy shaped like a penis. You know they ones you would get at a fun fair shaped like a dummie. It had the motto "don't forget your *ock rock"
Everyone in the shop found this hysterical and was laughing. I just dropped it into the waste bin. Now I know for a fact that women was trying to "out" me or something.
Needless to say I did not need outed. I just didn't discuss myself with them as it was not relevant. So you are not alone and there are better managed workplaces out there as I found out when I left.
Sorry I can't give you advice but it is not worth making yourself worry or ill over. I do hope things improve. You are the better person here.
I would do the same as you did. The difference is the OP did discuss their sexuality. At best it’s a breach of trust.0 -
Im in a similar boat, those who know me know im Heterosexual and accuse me of being a player.
On the flip side I've had gay men say inappropriate things to me annoying me and making me uncomfortable at the same time and then im left not knowing what to say without getting myself into trouble.
One guy i ended up cutting all conversation with as that was the safest way to end the situation without getting myself into trouble. i didn't even realise he was gay but apparently me speaking to him caused him to think that maybe i like man parts or something (is that offensive? I don't know what i can or cant say lol).
We all have to deal with stuff, even us straight guys.0 -
I've never worked for any organisation where people didn't gossip. Most of the time it is pretty harmless.
My favourite job was working for a mental health charity. There were about 30 staff and about one third were gay. Any gossip about them was about them as people and not because they were gay (I hope that is clear)
I actually gave them something to really gossip about. I was 44 and not very glamorous, bit overweight (you get the idea
). I gave my notice and one day I turned up at work sporting a beautiful platinum and diamond ring. They didn't know I was seeing anyone so it was a big surprise to everyone. The tongues really started wagging especially when my fiance turned up for my leaving do and instead of the frumpy academic type they were expecting he turned out to be a gorgeous hunk :rotfl:
So much for the gossip. There's an old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". I really think that that is true.0 -
As there are openly gay men at your workplace I think it is going to be extremely difficult to prove homophobia. You say you work alone most of the time and barely speak to other people. Could the way you feel you are being treated be in part down to you being understandably sensitive to what is happening i.e. being 'outed', and in part down to poor communication between yourself and other staff. The communication problem is a two way street, you can't expect people to talk to you if you don't talk to them.0
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Loving some of the posts we're seeing with regards to "similar" (and verging on fantasy) experiences.
I'm sure they're helping the O/P a lot....0 -
I'm not gay, in fact, I'm not anything these days, but instead of being gay and sensitive about it, could you try to become gay and proud of it? Give them some goodnatured banter back......I reckon it might make for a much better atmosphere. Just think, you could end up being the "star of the show"!
Just my view........��:snow_grin"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow........":snow_grin0 -
Loving some of the posts we're seeing with regards to "similar" (and verging on fantasy) experiences.
I'm sure they're helping the O/P a lot....
Agreed. I'm surprised that one particular poster, who seems to have experience of every scenario ever posted (although their experience was far greater / better / worse), hasn't commented yet.
I'm sure they'll be along soon enough.:rotfl:0
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