The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

Litha · 20 July 2018 at 2:23PM

I am so glad your son was saved Silvasava. Sadly, I am a multi-bereaved parent and although I put on a brave face to the world, we have never gotten over our losses. It is so hard to keep on living without them.
We are fortunate to have surviving children, but it does not make up for the heartache of losing our other children.
The NHS teams did their best, but it was not to be. Our family live with a cardiac 'sword of Damocles' hanging over us.
Time is not a healer, I've found, it just makes me feel that they are further away.
I saved this little quote from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler, it resonates with me, although I do not agree that you ever become whole gain.
'The reality is you will grieve forever,
You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one,you will learn to live with it,
You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered,
You will be whole again, but you will never be the same,
Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.

Linda x

Hard_Up_Hester · 20 July 2018 at 2:33PM

When I was very ill a few years ago CHS'S family were stunned that he stuck around as they expected him to do a runner. I have warned my family that if I am ever terminally ill CHS will need more support than I will, I have also warned then that he may just disappear.
I am aware that he has no inner core of strength to call on, he went to pieces when his mum died and still has not fully recovered. If I'm I'll he will not cope, he will seek solace in alcohol and be totally useless. At least I am prepared, I know I cannot depend him, he would love to be brave and steadfast in the face of adversity but it ain't gonna happen!

LameWolf · 20 July 2018 at 2:37PM

Gran3 I'm in no position to comment on the rights and wrongs of the situation, being, as I am, at the start of the learning curve of being a Carer (having been a "Caree" if that's a real word, for 16 years) but your initial post saddened me. I couldn't bear to be parted from Mr LW; indeed, it took all my resolve to get through the four days he was in hospital a couple of years back. I don't have any useful words really, but have a (((HUG))).

monnagran wrote: »

LameWolf. I would so like to have a few minutes with whoever took all your self-esteem away, preferably in an empty room with no witnesses. Well, empty apart from thumbscrews, rack and a pair of boxing gloves, my size. LW, I think that we possibly know you as well or better, apart from Mr. LW of course, than anyone in RL, and let me tell you that here you are loved and respected. Really loved and respected, these are not mere words.

Monna you're so kind! x

Thankfully, the perp (as they call 'em in American drama series) is long since dead. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot look in a mirror and not see someone I dislike and despise.

Softstuff interesting stuff re REM vs deep sleep; thank you for posting it. My problem is how to increase deep sleep. I've done all the usual - no screens in the bedroom; hot milky drinks; valerian, lavender, hops etc.... I could go on, but this post would get even more boring.

Trouble is, I learned in very early childhood to "sleep with one eye open" for my own safety; and as a result I have had trouble sleeping all my life; and when I do finally sleep, I'm plagued with nightmares, some of which do indeed pertain to events of my childhood, and others, like the one I described, to more "current" fears. GP once prescribed Temazepam - it did nowt except make me even more of a zombie the next day. Deffo not going that route again! :eek:

Latest news re Mr LW's letter from the neurologist - I got him to chase it up today, after Postie had been and it still hadn't arrived and it's now coming up to two weeks since he saw the neurologist. Apparently it's been typed, but not sent yet; the lady he spoke to didn't know why. I just want to see him get the Dopamine the neurologist mentioned now - surely the longer the delay, the worse the Parkinson's will become? Meanwhile, the GP has now given him *goes away to check tablet name* Montelukast for his persistent cough.
At this rate, he'll soon have as many different drugs as I do!

Good news is that Buddy and Indi the Cavapoos have arrived for their 17-day stay; they are a real breath of fresh air. An entire quarter of my freezer now contains their food; and their owners' daughter will bring the remaining 5 packs over for me when they've eaten some of it (she has three dogs of her own, which is why she's not having them for their holiday); they have a huge box containing toys, tennis balls, lumps of antler (for chewing); and their beds are in our bedroom, as at night they get to choose whether they sleep in their own beds or on the humans' bed.

ETA Litha you posted while I was typing (I type very slowly) - but I cannot leave without expressing my sadness at your losses. x

Islandmaid · 20 July 2018 at 2:53PM

Lamewolf And they say the ones I work with are serving the sentence :mad: I won't say more, but you have every piece of me wishing I could take that pain and horror from you xx

You bring so much insight and joy to us here :A

On the bright side, if you get too down you could always yell 'Meracas' at Mr LW and get him to jiggle and see if he rattles

Buddy and Indie sound lovely - I am am sure they will have fun with Auntie Wolfy xx

Letha what can I say... thank you for sharing such a personal story with us, much love x

Silva SO pleased you DS has recovered, I can't imagine how you all felt, again, thank you for sharing x

silvasava · 20 July 2018 at 3:15PM

Letha - thank you so much for sharing. No words can comfort you but I am thinking of you and your family and can only send virtual hugs and positive vibes for you x

LameWolf · 20 July 2018 at 3:16PM

Islandmaid you naughty, naughty lady. I shall be all week trying to get the image of Mr LW jiggling out of my mind now..... :rotfl:(It is only an image, no way he'd actually ever do it, he's far too shy and reserved).

[Deleted User] · 20 July 2018 at 3:36PM

I too know what its like to loose a child my youngest son died in December 2015 leaving 4 children. He was 45.

I will always grieve for him, I find it very difficult at times, he was such a help to us as we grew older and we miss him so much. It may not be the natural order of things, but it happens.

monnagran · 20 July 2018 at 3:42PM

LameWolf. It takes a lot to make me angry, Im far too lazy, but every time I hear a story such as yours I really struggle. My first instinct is to smash someone's face in. Not nice for an old biddy.

Lithe. I cannot put myself in your position, my mind just won't go there. I have a very minor experience of something like losing a child. At the age of 6, my DS2 died 3 times on the operating table. The surgeon told me afterwards that he was so determined not to lose him that he went on with resuscitation long after the team had begged him to stop.
That afternoon as I sat by his empty bed for five and a half hours, not knowing what was happening and everyone who passed by telling me a different story, changed me irrevocably.

I wonder if you would have been a different person had all your children lived. To say that I am sorry sounds unbelievably silly, but I really, really am. I hurt for you.

Islandmaid · 20 July 2018 at 3:48PM

csarina Again, thank you for sharing - you are such brave women. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel - and it brings my silly issues into prospective.

Big, giant group hug xxxx

LW you never know, Mr LW might ask you to shake your meracas back :rotfl::rotfl: I'll get m'coat.....:D

VJsmum · 20 July 2018 at 4:03PM

Goodness, such sad tales. Condolences and hugs to you all.

My BiL died at age 44 leaving two small children and a wife and a mother. The effect on my MiL has been devastating - for a long time we thought it might kill her. It hasn't, but she hasn't been the same since. His older child has also been badly affected as she was old enough to remember - he died by suicide after several attempts and she has in-built anxiety and separation issues, even though she is now 16

On a happier note, we went out for DD's birthday last night and a good time was had by all, we went to a lovely restaurant at a marina nearby. DS drove so gin may have been consumed....

Eating out will be something we have to do MUCH less of when OH retires....

PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free