The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

mardatha

I'll be Fence nightshift. This big brave Viking warrior wumman is drinking tea at 3.30am, eating a Basics digestive and sitting on the carpet because a furry wee purry thing is on my seat and I haven't the heart to move her

Floss

I'm humbled at how stoic you lot all are - I've been blessed with my 2 sons and have not had the losses of others (apart from losing both parents & 3 out of 4 in-laws which sounds very careless put like that )

LW I guess you've digested the PSociety website...are there any forums for spouses/ carers on there for directly relevant online support for you both?

CRANKY40

I had 2 m/c before I managed to acquire the HT. I had to have fertility treatment for all 3 pregnancies. I also have endometriosis and my insides look like someone has knitted with them so I decided to stop at one miracle. My best friend died of chicken pox when I was 29, my husband when I was 42. We won't even go into my mother's antics but......I always say that despite what I've lost I still have my sense of humour and if I lose that someone can have me shot. I still feel lucky though. When the late MrC was alive I thought my life was perfect. Despite everything this is still is the right life for me. I have good friends, I have the HT and after a good few very ropy months when my leg was injured I have my health.

I have one very good friend who laughs along with me when everything is running smoothly and who listens and gives excellent advice in tough situations despite never having been a parent himself. The HT and I don't see him as a substitute dad for the HT, but as someone that we are very lucky indeed to have in our lives. My other very close friend (who was supposed to take the HT if anything happened to me) is no longer in remission from cancer and is facing a tough battle. My lovely friend number 1 gave me a not insignificant amount of money to take friend 2 out and treat her while she felt well enough.

In other news I ran 4.10 km yesterday so the 5k is starting to come into sight. Thank you all and especially Softstuff for the encouragement.

Mar if I knew where you lived I'd post you some jelly babies. Virtual ones just don't work when you have battle wounds.

You lot are just so lovely. Take care all of you

[Deleted User]

LAMEWOLF we don't know you in real life but we DO know you here and see that love and sheer goodness that makes up the essence of you. Dogs are very sensitive little creatures, I've known them avoid certain people without understanding why and reading your posts about your canine guests the feeling of love and sheer happiness and contentment you bring to them when they're with you shines in every word. You have a very special gift love, that creatures who cannot speak will come to you and love you because you are the person you are is beyond wonderful. Not everyone is given the ability in life to cope with people but then again not many are given the gift of love from whole cohorts of canine friends, that makes you a VERY special lady xxx.

Hard_Up_Hester

Morning all
Maybe our losses make us realise what's important in life, which is why we are the way we are.

Moving day today, four locks, three bridges and I get to stop the traffic, rinse and repeat tomorrow. I need a shower but there isn't enough water, CHS needs to shower daily as he's working. I make do with a quick rub down with the Sporting Life. We will get a pump out today and fill up the water tank so I can shower this evening.

silvasava

Hester - just read on FB that someone managed to drain part of the Kennet & Avon by leaving the locks open!! Thankfully all OK now but did feel for the boats that were moored and ended up aground!

ellie99

What a kind and supportive thread, must admit I've read along without commenting for a few weeks. All the talk of losses, makes me wonder how many people HAVEN'T had a loss of some sort, it seems so common

Re the "natural order" of things...my FIL lost all 3 of his sons, motorbike accident, car accident and sudden fatal illness (my DH).
I have no idea how he coped with that, and am ashamed to say I was no support to him whatsoever, it was all I could manage to care for our sons. Luckily he had other family around him.

I also had 2 miscarriages at 3 months, seems very common, makes me worry about other family members when they're pregnant!
The first nearly killed me off too, luckily I was saved with an op at the last minute. (And that was when said FIL came out with the memorable line "did the hospital tell you what you did wrong to make you lose it?) I was very fond of him, honest

I always thought I was saved for a reason, haven't worked it out yet, better hurry up, time's marching on lol.......

ellie99

And just want to second what others have said.....LameWolf, it shines through in this thread just how kind and caring you are. Look how well you care for your doggy visitors, they know how lovely you are!

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

I make do with a quick rub down with the Sporting Life.

Hester, that sounds like a line from a Victoria Wood song :rotfl:

[Deleted User]

I have to admit that my two younger children were miracle babies. After my first two I had three miscarriages, the last one the hospital Dr said I was not pregnant at all, by the time she admitted she was wrong I only just escaped with my life.

After a raft of tests it was discovered that when my older son was born there had been a tear to the neck of the womb which had not healed, which meant that when the baby reached a certain size the pressure made the neck open and the baby died. My consultant decided to use a shirodka suture, so the next time I became pregnant I was taken into hospital and the suture applied to the neck of the womb, it was cut and removed two weeks before my expected date and everything went to plan. I was given the two sutures and gave them to my youngest son and daughter when they were 21. This is one reason I feel my sons death so deeply, he was a much loved and wanted baby who was born thanks to a piece of plastic, as was his older sister.

monnagran

Such sadness. It bears out the saying that everyone bears a secret that would break your heart if you knew it.

As soon as I became aware that I would never give birth to my own baby I started the adoption process. I am ever thankful that my ex went along with this. He might have been as much use as a chocolate teapot but he allowed me to be a mother, and for that I will always be grateful. My babies didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

For all those who have lost babies, before or after birth, I am reminded of the phrase, "Made from stardust. Blown from the hands of angels."

I truly believe that if you have never suffered you can never fully enter into the hearts of those who are suffering. I also believe that this is what makes this thread such a special place.
When you are in the deepest, darkest, pain filled place, it's easy to believe that you will never laugh again. This thread gives the lie to that idea.

Now I must get up to the shop before the heat becomes too unbearable.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY (This will be meaningful to many of you. You know who you are.)

The best therapist has fur and four legs.