The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

gran3

Travelled a long way today to see a relative who is currently in respite care, having a terminal prognosis but not in the immediate future. Their partner of 40 years plus is considering a holiday of several weeks in another part of the country, leaving them on the home, as they are 'exhausted'. It took all of my resolve not to rip them a new one. The partner is in good health and yes I know it has not been easy. The demands have not been too much until the last couple of months when mobility has been an issue. They have family and medical support. I am at a loss, loving this person as I do, at to how the partner can even contemplate this. Would you go to the other end of the country if your partner was terminally ill? The place they are staying is top rate. I don't post often, but after today I'm shattered and angry. I don't know what to do or think.

Softstuff

I hope you do get all the good news that the gypsy predicted Mardatha (I'm a big doubter usually of palm readers, but I had one for a giggle 20 years ago and she predicted my entire life as it is now). Worth having a chat to a doctor about the magnesium though, whether it's needed.

monnagran

I only dropped in to say goodnight, but gran3 I am appalled. 40 years is a long time to be with someone. I would have thought that after a relationship of that length no one would abandon a partner who at the very least must be scared of what is happening to them. If ever there is a time for giving all the support you can muster, this is surely it.
I'm glad the home that your relative is in is a good one and I can understand that the partner probably needs a break, but several weeks?

I don't think there is much that you can do but I understand how distressed you must be. If you can't visit because of the distance perhaps you could send lots of cards and messages, postcards would do, especially if you can find a few funny ones. It would give the patient something to look forward to every day.
I can't think of anything else to suggest.

So sorry.

mardatha

Have stopped it now just to see what happens SS. If anything does.

silver-oldie

gran3 I can't understand how a partner of so many years can walk away from their partner.

I'm not techie but isn't there some way you can chat to your relative using skype or snapchat , think that's what it's called

Islandmaid

Gran That's shocking, and incredibly selfish, I hope it was a flippant comment, and they change their minds x

Mar anything that can make someone feel better about themselves is alright by me fingers crossd x

Talking of selfish (me) DS has 2 interviews on the mainland today, I have helped him prep, ironed his clothes, wished him luck - but my heart is not in it If he gets one, he'll be off.... I feel like I am being pathetic, don't we bring our kids up to be independent? Now he wants his independence, I am moaning - the poor kid can't win :rotfl:

PS He doesn't know how I feel, all positive in front of him, just Hubby that get the moaning

lucielle

Hi Island Maid I'm a lurker but feel your pain. My youngest DD1 (18) is going to New Zealand for 2 years in 3 weeks time. To say that I've put my big girl pants on is an under statement. I hope it goes well for him and you.
L

pollyanna_26

Gran that's a pretty odd situation re your relatives partner . You do say they have family are they likely to step up and visit in the partners place . I can only echo Monnas advice . Cards maybe an old fashioned letter a couple of times a week and possibly a daily email could help .
People cope in different ways with terminal illness and sometimes in ways we don't understand so it looks as though unless there's a change of heart family and yourself will be the emotional support .
I hope you got some rest after an emotional and tiring time .


Islandmaid It's a bit like that first day at school . We hold our childrens hands to prepare them for life and when we've given them the roots we have to give them the wings to fly . It is hard but they grow as adults and they don't disappear . You get different conversation and a widening of the world and if we've done our job likeable adults in their own right .


Give him a hug and kiss if he'll let you and wish him luck . Hold the tears until he's on his way .


Hope you had a good day with your friend Monna .


Usual Friday appts today so wishing all a good day and see you later .


polly x

Floss

Islandmaid I was a bit like that with DS2 when he got married, even though he'd lived with lovely DDiL beforehand, I still got upset that he was flying the nest

Islandmaid

lucielle wrote: »

Hi Island Maid I'm a lurker but feel your pain. My youngest DD1 (18) is going to New Zealand for 2 years in 3 weeks time. To say that I've put my big girl pants on is an under statement. I hope it goes well for him and you.
L

Lucielle Bless you, makes my DS wanting to go to Southampton from IOW pale into insignificance, I hope you DD has a wonderful time, what an adventure x

Thanks guys, the thing is, is that I know it's irrational, hence the reason I haven't said a word to DS apart from support, and just moan on here :rotfl:

It's a new chapter, that all x